One of the hardest things to do is: not let fear move you. But also don't let it hold you fast in your place. Like so much in life, it's a balance. That should be the point of saying, "it's like riding a bike!" If you let the fear of falling rule you, you'll never learn to ride. The trick is learning how to take the corners; how much to lean, steer, and whether or not to pedal.
Lately, I've been pondering something a lot like this. Being in conversation with God, but not on such a large scale as that could connote - asking Him for insight. I've spent a few years now being in conversation with God, and it's been both challenging and amazing, and believe me I haven't mastered doing it as much and as freely as I should, though I've come a long way. See there's this balance to strike, because if you're like me and were raised in the faith, you're told all your life long about how God gives you the desires of your heart. And there's two versions of interpretation, both of which I've heard: one is that the things that are on your heart are there because God put them there and made you that way, and two is that He will fulfill them.
As you mature in faith, you come to learn that actually that's just a nice fluffy thing to make us feel better. My tone isn't to say that I don't think God wants to bless us, He absolutely does! But He's not a vending machine that re-stocks itself, and always gives you your money back along with your snack. There's some learning to really trusting Him with the things you want in life, which means asking without knowing all the pieces.
I've been thinking about this lately, because there are some things in conversation that God has told me are not only on my heart but His...so then what? How do I balance that? It's like having the equation and the solution but not the formula...where the solution is your end goal.
It's so hard to strike that balance! For as much as I know God is good, and wants to bless me, He wants me to trust Him. So if all I have is the answer, I have to trust Him. But as was preached a few weeks back at my church, you have to trust Him and not the answer. That my friends is a balance that somehow eight (I think that's right...) years of relationship has not fully afforded me. It's still hard. Sometimes I wonder if 40 years will, 60 years - if I make it that long, alive that is. Or maybe it's something that I in my stubbornness have simply not afforded myself.
What do you do? You have the key and know the door but don't even know where it is or how to get there. It feels so blind, but you hold the key and you walk. Most importantly, and the thing I think I'm learning, is, don't get discouraged when it's not the way you thought it would be. Hold the key and walk.
