Paris in the spring time?

Every time I read an email from the lady at YWAM Paris, I cry. Pretty much every time. Not because of anything she says, in particular, just because it's real.

I have wanted to go there so badly! And all my planning on it has fallen through. I've also wanted to do a DTS for years.

Could it really be lining up? That's why I cry every time.

Yes, I'm an emotional person, but I don't usually just cry about emails or life opportunities even. This one is just too great! And I don't know where it leads in the future. My sister did a DTS, then did a couple more, then went on staff. I'm not putting my stock in anything further than this trip, (and not even that yet, cause it's so expensive) but this possibility alone is unreal to me.

I don't even know what more to say than that. I get so blown away every time I think of this. See, the Paris base was disbanded for a couple years, they were only doing Kings Kids, and not actual DTSs. Now they're reforming everything, and next spring is their first DTS. That's also when I was planning on being done with school. So in my heart and head, I committed to it...even though now I don't know what next year looks like for me otherwise.

I'm planning on this, in a way that if I don't go then, there will be more. I can have more time to save, more time to be prepared. But I am going. I say that with the firm belief that I didn't get to go before, (when I wanted to for school & it would've been a mistake) and now a better opportunity has arisen that I would much prefer to take. So I'm going.

I could get lost in loving you

I know how I,
Could get lost in loving you,
But that it's better not to,
Because the deeper I sink,
And the more that I think,
The harder it gets,
Just to come up for air,
When I realize that you're not even there,
And all the while I'd be loving an ideal,
When I should know it's too good to be real,
So I know how I,
Could get lost in loving you,
But I know how,
Lost I get when I do,
So I'll try,
To keep rooted, firm, and dry,
And to find myself,
If ever I stray,
To set myself,
Along the right way.

People: The Secret to How I Survive

I have just been so in love with people lately! Not to say that I'm not usually, though there are times when I'm definitely not...no, as of late, I have been enthralled with them. I'm usually a little rough on the uptake, but once past the initial stages, I just love getting to know people. 

I love quirks, and weird stories, and mannerisms. I love how there can be things that are just a truth to all humanity, but then each person is so starkly different. Even people that I've met and at first didn't like, have become people I can't get enough of because I just think they're great. That starts to sound weird, I think, but at the same time I don't really care. 

I love people that I know so well, (or so I think) that I think I can't possibly like them any more, - then, I learn something new, or we share a new experience. Those are some of the richest moments in life, the ones spent with someone who's heart you know, and yet you still relish in just being around them, and you still learn about them! 

There have been very few people I've met that I continually don't like. I could maybe count them on one hand. So basically, if you're a person, I love you (in a not creepy way, I promise). 

It's funny I was just having a conversation about this with my mom. I was saying that, to me, people are the most important thing in this world; they are what makes life worth living. And yet, people are what cause all problems; they are what makes life difficult. I thought, I wish I could just not like people and not need them, and I could go live in the mountains and knit for the rest of my life...but I know I'd be miserable. Even in a hypothetical world where I don't like people, I can't see that working for me.  

Sometimes, this love for people goes beyond social norms. Haha, these are the best situations, that later make me shove my face in my pillow and laugh out of sheer embarrassment (now you all know the secret to how I survive, haha). Asking questions that I don't think are weird to ask, but might be weird for someone else. Or hugging people too long, or too soon, ha, a personal favorite (I really, really like hugs). Or affirming someone too much, so that they stop believing me long before I've finished. 

And I think that is the heart of life! For people to be known to the core. I think that is the coolest thing one can do in life! Truly know people, and care about who they are.

Apathetic: Only 8 To Go

The end of the semester is SO close I can taste it! I am even more apathetic than before, if that's even possible. Not to mention this lovely tingly throat thing I have. Ugh, dormant cough...laying in wait.

I came to terms with the idea of not going to school at all next fall, and now it sounds kind of nice. I don't mind it, and it only scares me a little. I think it's what I'm going to be doing, but I'm not saying anything for sure. I just need to be open to everything.

So the prospect of that makes the last five or six assignments difficult to face. I don't want to do them. But maybe I can translate my apathy into brilliance, seemed to work when I was PSEO...except that history class, which is weird cause I really liked that class.

Anywho, I have two more projects for Art and a final; one more paper (which I'm currently breaking from) and a final for Art History; one more article and a quiz for Intermediate Reporting; and I think only a final for Visual Comm. That's eight things.

I've been trying to write in AP Style all the time so that I do it by nature. We'll see.

Well, I suppose I should get back to my paper instead of writing this drab thing. Whatever it is. Maybe something more fun to come in the next couple days, when I'm not clouded by weather and homework.

Random Tidbits That...

...will inevitably make no sense, for the most part.

I still have a lot of anger at my ex-best friend. Being a girl sucks, because girls are annoying. We (shouldn't even include myself, i hate it so much but i am a female...) are catsy, and can't even be around one another if we like 85% of the same damn things! Ugh! (and that's the pent-up anger, which is really a translation of hurt...but anyways. She's a B.)

I liked the sun today. It was nice.

Maybe he is the pet. Dang it!

I clearly gave up on this blog having any sort of order or literary rule to it. It is just the playground for my mind. I probably only use playground as part of a metaphor because I was at one today...by myself, is that weird?

I felt boring, in my apartment talking on the phone - and swooning, which i've been doing since thursday -, wondering what I'd do when not on the phone any longer. so I decided to take my phoning to the park, to swing. Who makes wooden swing frames anymore? Seriously, bad idea. It was scary. I did however jump off. It was all the day's sun, it put me in a mood. Actually, I've just been really enjoying life this weekend. And anyways, swinging was the perfect cure to feeling like I'm trying too much to be an adult, as well as some sort of euphoria (def: exaggerated elation, hahaha...eff, no pun intended)

Koo-koo-ka CHA! (Anybody? Anybody watch Arrested Development? Stuck in my head, randomly)

Sometimes I am completely amazed at the kinds of people I get to converse with me, because of how dumb I feel at times. HA! Like I just think of some of the things that slip past the sieve of a filter in my brain that then slips out my mouth...people really even bother? Haha, it amuses me. To converse with people who are well-thought, well-spoken, articulate, (not redundant,)...I know a lot of smart people. Thank God for dicitonary.com, that's all I've gotta say.

I think it's time to call it a night. I slept awfully last night cause my head wouldn't stop even though I was mighty tired. When you fall asleep to pre-dawn light and the freaking snow white soundtrack out your window, it makes for a sleepy person by the following midnight!

oh won't you move away

oh won't you move away
so i can come and stay
and visit you one day
somewhere i would like to go
somewhere that you'd like to know
we could wander city streets
and watch the cops stroll on their beats
find the spot where sunlight meets
all the splendid perfect shapes
by the restaurant with the perfect crepes
and we could run around all night
to see the city with no light
so won't you move far away
then tell me that you want to say
that i should come and i should stay
for more than just a day.

15 Good Things

15 Things That Always Make Me Happy

1. The thriller dance. I LOVE thriller. I can't do it, but it gives me a giddy joy that I can only describe the way I just did. LOve love love it!

2. A good "that's what she said" tacked on to anything. I really do love it.

3. This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpA2tMrQ4RU

4. When my dog greets me with her little body wriggling out of control and a biggy dopey smile on her face.

5. Sara Schuessler's face/voice/texts/laughs/awesomeness

6. Tetris. I am weirdly addicted, and have been dormantly for years, til I found an app on facebook...now I'm re-addicted.

7. Over-hearing people speak french in public.

8. Little old couples.

9. Making other people laugh.

10. UGh, I can't find it, but it's a great video of David Hasselhoff in a Jekyll & Hyde musical, and he makes this INSANE face...uhhhh, I'm so sad I can't find it. Anyways, take my word, it's hilarious. This gives the general idea, skip to 3:00 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l56Yb1jVRt0&feature=PlayList&p=989AF355D63A0368&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=5

11. Hugs. Good hugs, not awkward short we-don't-wanna-touch hugs.

12. Cheese.

13. Going to my church, Mercy Vineyard. It's fantastic there. I love it.

14. Coldplay.

and last, but certainly not least...
15. Bearded hipsters, so what if it's a fad, I've been a fan of beards and skinny/lean men since long before it was popular!

And that my friends, is a random list of 15 things that always make me happy.

An Alright Ringing in My Ears

My ears are a little sore...BUT TOTALLY WORTH IT. Ugh, I love a Mat Kearney concert. It was my third one this year, 4th one ever. We awaited him outside Coffman, only to see his guitarist (who incidentally is from Northeast, and will be playing his own project at 331 this thursday), then the van drove by us while we were talking to him a bit, so I yelled "MATTTTTt" haha, i was determined. The guitarist said "yeah he's not gettin' out of the van; they came out a different door." so when they turned the van around and drove away i frantically waved and i could see Mat (my [major] musician man crush) mimick-waving back at me through the tinted windows. *sigh* next time, i guess. I always joke I will propose if i meet him, (and maybe i would just for the story to tell), but i think i'll clam up. Stupid, haha. Anywho, great show as usual.

I have so so so so so so much to do by thursday!!!!! Gahhhhhhhh. I still have to interview the senator that heads the bill I chose to write my story on. I'm probably skipping both my classes tomorrow because I feel so overwhelmed with mountains of homework. I am so ready to sleep!

Indent fail.

So the great debate is what to do tomorrow. Go attempt to interview the lady. Go attempt to interview her counterpart. Go attempt to interview the committee chair (all of which I could potentially do on wednesday as well). OOorrrr...begin that 10 page paper I know I will not begin otherwise until wednesday evening. I will NOT be sleeping in tomorrow, I know that much. Poo. I should sleep soon.

Orrr, do my taxes. I need to do those too. I think I can have them post-marked by thursday, right? Maybe thursday afternoon. Then I could drop them at the aeroport...Hmmm.

GAH! procrastination. 3 things I am not at all excited to do because I feel inadequate. Great. On that note, it's time to sleep.

Whoa, Stinky Noodles!

Note to self: don't forget about the remnants of the home-made macaroni in the little filter thinger in the bottom of the sink...it will make for one of the most deceptively FOUL SMELLS you've ever suffered in your life. Seriously.

Today is probably gonna have to be a bike-riding day. I can tell. It's pure lovely out there! Hmm. And minneapolis, the most bike-friendly city in the nation! Go us. I think that means more that we make provisions for bicyclists, not that we are friendly to them. Frankly, I don't like how close people drive past me (unnecessarily, I might add).

I should not even be sparing time to do this, I suspect. I have so much freaking homework, and it only occurred to me yesterday (with the help of a fellow U student) that it's because the end is in sight! For the last year and a half, this has both frightened and excited me, each time it has come around. It means finishing the classes I mistakenly signed up for, but unfortunately cuts off the ones I'm actually learning something in. I guess either way it's freedom. For the time being, anyways.

Anywho, readers (whoever & whyever you are, - i just made whyever. that's right) keep praying for my schooling! I really really really want to finish next fall! It is the smartest, most cost effective, only plan there is. No refuting it, I have my mind made up. I just need to get there.

I'm off to start my day instead of putzing around my apartment on the internet, etc. Toodle-oooo!

I Get Old

I get tired,
And I get old,
And I get weary from being sold,
As a young know-nothing,
Fresh from the womb,
By the fleeting masses who too quickly assume,
That I bear no scars of wisdom,
That I know no truth,
But I'd tell them something,
About deceiving youth,
A certain innocence is painted as smiling on a face,
It paints a certain innocence across a smiling face,
It covers the reality one cannot displace,
My heart's known pain that I regret,
I've seen hurt I'll not forget,
Though I need not recount my darkest hours,
To prove the world how I know it devours,
So take me for nothing that you do,
And take me for something,
That's something anew,
For I am not small,
I'm not nothing at all,
I get tired,
And I get old,
And I get sick of being told,
Things I've already learned,
And lit on fire where I've been burned.