I listened to the eerie, pained squeals and screeches of the trains in the distance. It was a hot summer's night. I was burned, burned real bad. Parts of my chest, my neck, my back, my face, and almost all of each leg were burnt to a bright pink, which made all the parts of me that hadn't seen sun, appear so much more stark and pale.
I laid half naked on my bed, being very careful not to move too much, and to coach every move I did make. I thought about how I got myself into this mess, and I did. There was no one to blame but myself.
After I returned home from my long, unprotected stay at the beach, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized the severity of what would soon be my anguish. I laughed to myself. What else can one do? I knew that crying - though I am not the crying type, anyways - would only make me feel even more achy and sore, which I didn't need. So I just laughed at my hot pink, splotchy body. I knew it would certainly be good conversation piece.
That hum and rustle in the middle of the night was calming to me, at a time in my life that I was burned to a gnarly crisp. I dozed off carefully, to the peaceful ruckus of something that seemed to sound more painful that my sunburn felt.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
But, hey - that's my opinion
I was thinking today, people often react to things or form opinions on things based on their own circumstance. Maybe not everyone, but I've noticed in several people, that an argument can arise from someone trying to make sense out of their own situation, out loud at another person.
I know that my blogging is a great deal to this effect; that is, I hold a lot of opinions about things, because that hamster is a marathoner, and sometimes I like to work them out...out loud, or in print, - however the phrase would go. I don't hold my opinions as truths for everyone, but rather how I see it. I believe it how I see it, which I guess goes back to reinforce my original premise: we all believe it how we see it individually.
Sometimes, I think if we don't recognize how a difference in circumstances clouds or shapes our ideas about things, it can be destructive.
Hopefully reading my blurbs will be a little different now with the understanding that though yes it'd be nice if we both believed what I think, we don't. And I know that. I don't want to make claims that things are a certain set way, when that's how I perceive them to be. Who can even say what reality is? I challenge anyone to sum up the world, without the bias of their life experiences. I don't believe it can be done (but, hey, that's my opinion).
I know that my blogging is a great deal to this effect; that is, I hold a lot of opinions about things, because that hamster is a marathoner, and sometimes I like to work them out...out loud, or in print, - however the phrase would go. I don't hold my opinions as truths for everyone, but rather how I see it. I believe it how I see it, which I guess goes back to reinforce my original premise: we all believe it how we see it individually.
Sometimes, I think if we don't recognize how a difference in circumstances clouds or shapes our ideas about things, it can be destructive.
Hopefully reading my blurbs will be a little different now with the understanding that though yes it'd be nice if we both believed what I think, we don't. And I know that. I don't want to make claims that things are a certain set way, when that's how I perceive them to be. Who can even say what reality is? I challenge anyone to sum up the world, without the bias of their life experiences. I don't believe it can be done (but, hey, that's my opinion).
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Secrets
Funny to me,
That such things be kept secret,
Or, dear, have you begun to forget,
The measure of your years so soon?
Your subtlety is lacking,
And insincerity is hacking away,
At any benefit I've given you,
In my doubts of your liking me,
Even slight,
Tell me someday,
Won't you,
Am I absolutely right?
That such things be kept secret,
Or, dear, have you begun to forget,
The measure of your years so soon?
Your subtlety is lacking,
And insincerity is hacking away,
At any benefit I've given you,
In my doubts of your liking me,
Even slight,
Tell me someday,
Won't you,
Am I absolutely right?
Ruin
Places and things,
All are a ruin,
All things that I still see you in,
Lakes shrivel up,
Cease to exist,
Streets and cafes,
Once hard to resist,
Have come to cause a pain in my heart,
Having dearly loved you makes remorse an art,
Each sight makes me wish,
Never to have known you,
And regret memories,
To which I've sown you,
Won't grace just let me,
Let you go;
The sting of betrayal that plagues me so!
That I might wake one day,
As a rendition of me,
To live life,
Here on,
Freely.
All are a ruin,
All things that I still see you in,
Lakes shrivel up,
Cease to exist,
Streets and cafes,
Once hard to resist,
Have come to cause a pain in my heart,
Having dearly loved you makes remorse an art,
Each sight makes me wish,
Never to have known you,
And regret memories,
To which I've sown you,
Won't grace just let me,
Let you go;
The sting of betrayal that plagues me so!
That I might wake one day,
As a rendition of me,
To live life,
Here on,
Freely.
The One Who Haunts Me
What is to be said,
Of the one who haunts me,
It's not a lover,
Who in longing still wants me,
Nor a sister or brother,
Who teases and taunts me,
Neither a parent for whose love I yearn,
Nor a teacher from whom I did learn,
Not even an enemy,
Of a feud without end,
No, the one who haunts me,
I once called dear friend.
Of the one who haunts me,
It's not a lover,
Who in longing still wants me,
Nor a sister or brother,
Who teases and taunts me,
Neither a parent for whose love I yearn,
Nor a teacher from whom I did learn,
Not even an enemy,
Of a feud without end,
No, the one who haunts me,
I once called dear friend.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Borderline
I realized tonight, I think I am borderline self-centered.
I tend to be really introspective, to the point that when other people say they don't know something about themselves, I don't understand. How could you not know how you feel about x, y, or z? Or how could you not know how you might react to a certain situation? How could you not know somethings about yourself?
I am constantly working these things out in my head. What my feelings are on certain things, how I act and react in certain situations, how often I do things that annoy myself...Am I messed up?
I think, that to remain positive I'd call it introspective borderline self-centered.
Sometimes, I think there'd be so fewer problems if people could really take a good, honest look at themselves! Figure out things about yourself! It's like society has made "thinking about me" so taboo or whatever that people don't want to, and yet we are so self-centered! Thinking about yourself, and developing that is not bad; putting yourself first, and thinking about how great you think you are? that's self-centered!
Anyways, I'm really just thinking out loud here. It seems a lot of my out-loud (what would be the visual/typing equivalent?) thoughts on facebook and the inter-webs have been giving the wrong impression of me. Like I said, really just thinking out loud. These crazy words are just my opinions, I don't think that the world should print them on stone tablets on top of kilaminjaro or anything...just thoughts. Don't freak out.
Kthanksbye.
I tend to be really introspective, to the point that when other people say they don't know something about themselves, I don't understand. How could you not know how you feel about x, y, or z? Or how could you not know how you might react to a certain situation? How could you not know somethings about yourself?
I am constantly working these things out in my head. What my feelings are on certain things, how I act and react in certain situations, how often I do things that annoy myself...Am I messed up?
I think, that to remain positive I'd call it introspective borderline self-centered.
Sometimes, I think there'd be so fewer problems if people could really take a good, honest look at themselves! Figure out things about yourself! It's like society has made "thinking about me" so taboo or whatever that people don't want to, and yet we are so self-centered! Thinking about yourself, and developing that is not bad; putting yourself first, and thinking about how great you think you are? that's self-centered!
Anyways, I'm really just thinking out loud here. It seems a lot of my out-loud (what would be the visual/typing equivalent?) thoughts on facebook and the inter-webs have been giving the wrong impression of me. Like I said, really just thinking out loud. These crazy words are just my opinions, I don't think that the world should print them on stone tablets on top of kilaminjaro or anything...just thoughts. Don't freak out.
Kthanksbye.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It Is Beautiful (Pt. 2)
For months of my life, I felt panicky. Constantly. The whole spring semester, if not longer, - as cliche as it is to say - I felt like I couldn't breathe. Months of my life.
Then the semester came to a close. My grades were to determine my plans for the fall and rest of the next year, but I didn't care. I could not bring myself to check them. For weeks. Because for the first time in so long, I felt freedom. I felt my chest loosen up, and I could breathe again.
Until just the other day, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. How did I get to this place? How is it possible that I am content with the idea of risking time off? How is it that I'm really planning on going on a [legitimate] missions trip? How is it that I have a pile of debt I can't even begin to pay with my tiny wage, and yet I'm at peace with where I am? Amidst all of this, how am I this comfortable with so much unknown?
It's a further example of that whole "give it up to God" thing. See, I was trying to do both. I was trying to give it up to God, but keep acting; keep making my own moves, and hoping God would lead me through it, and guide me. The only guidance I got was to stop trying to do what it was I was trying to do! I thought it was my dream, my passion; but in reality, it was just a fluke. I think somewhere along the way, He got me. I had been thinking, writing newspapers is beneath the amount of heart I have for people.
Maybe I'll still write magazines, or books, or columns...but news? News is tragic, and constant! It is a constant reminder of how much evil and brokenness is in the world! It is an echo of that constant panic. For someone as optimistic as me, that probably would've worn me down real fast.
I mostly chose journalism because it involved writing, but it's kind of no-brainer. It's facts. There's a formula to writing a news article, where there is so much more room for creativity in...creative writing. I was scared of trying to attempt something that would require actual talent, as opposed to just learned-skill and a large vocabulary. I was scared of exploring my own potential, and of what creative writing would bring or not bring.
I was running into the wind, trying to make happen what I now feel I can say with confidence wasn't the right thing for me.
Within the last couple weeks, I came to the realization that I am at peace with where I am. And I fell in awe of how I got there, because I don't even understand. I feel free.
Not being in school (even if just for the summer). Working a job I love, that I know was a God-send. Going with the idea of not going to school in the fall. I have felt so free! I have felt like I can breathe again.
It's one of the more beauiful things I've experienced in my life. Being freed from something that looking back on it now, felt like it was suffocating me. The panic is gone.
And I don't know how in the world I got here...but it is quite beautiful.
Then the semester came to a close. My grades were to determine my plans for the fall and rest of the next year, but I didn't care. I could not bring myself to check them. For weeks. Because for the first time in so long, I felt freedom. I felt my chest loosen up, and I could breathe again.
Until just the other day, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. How did I get to this place? How is it possible that I am content with the idea of risking time off? How is it that I'm really planning on going on a [legitimate] missions trip? How is it that I have a pile of debt I can't even begin to pay with my tiny wage, and yet I'm at peace with where I am? Amidst all of this, how am I this comfortable with so much unknown?
It's a further example of that whole "give it up to God" thing. See, I was trying to do both. I was trying to give it up to God, but keep acting; keep making my own moves, and hoping God would lead me through it, and guide me. The only guidance I got was to stop trying to do what it was I was trying to do! I thought it was my dream, my passion; but in reality, it was just a fluke. I think somewhere along the way, He got me. I had been thinking, writing newspapers is beneath the amount of heart I have for people.
Maybe I'll still write magazines, or books, or columns...but news? News is tragic, and constant! It is a constant reminder of how much evil and brokenness is in the world! It is an echo of that constant panic. For someone as optimistic as me, that probably would've worn me down real fast.
I mostly chose journalism because it involved writing, but it's kind of no-brainer. It's facts. There's a formula to writing a news article, where there is so much more room for creativity in...creative writing. I was scared of trying to attempt something that would require actual talent, as opposed to just learned-skill and a large vocabulary. I was scared of exploring my own potential, and of what creative writing would bring or not bring.
I was running into the wind, trying to make happen what I now feel I can say with confidence wasn't the right thing for me.
Within the last couple weeks, I came to the realization that I am at peace with where I am. And I fell in awe of how I got there, because I don't even understand. I feel free.
Not being in school (even if just for the summer). Working a job I love, that I know was a God-send. Going with the idea of not going to school in the fall. I have felt so free! I have felt like I can breathe again.
It's one of the more beauiful things I've experienced in my life. Being freed from something that looking back on it now, felt like it was suffocating me. The panic is gone.
And I don't know how in the world I got here...but it is quite beautiful.
Give It Up (Pt. 1)
So I've been figuring out this whole "give it up to God and He turns it to good" thing. It's amazing. How did I forget that this is real?
This morning, I did this after my shift started. It wasn't off to the greatest start, and I refused to have another epic chaotic morning from hell...and it was so busy, but I didn't feel worn out, and I just kept my head up, kept working. The shift went great. When I finally got to stop, and get ready to leave, I did get a little dizzy...probably from lack of food and coffee...anyways.
That and feeling [non-existent] tension toward a friend, but not acting on it for whatever reason. It just lifted off tonight!
It's interesting to me, that people don't believe in God, because I'm starting to feel like that'd be like not believing in gravity! I mean, that's not to say people are stupid for not believing in God, because it's not easy, but I think that by letting Him in, little by little it becomes so real. Give Him a little credit, and He might show himself to you, and blow you away. Just sayin'...
"I will rescue him; I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him, and show him my salvation."
This morning, I did this after my shift started. It wasn't off to the greatest start, and I refused to have another epic chaotic morning from hell...and it was so busy, but I didn't feel worn out, and I just kept my head up, kept working. The shift went great. When I finally got to stop, and get ready to leave, I did get a little dizzy...probably from lack of food and coffee...anyways.
That and feeling [non-existent] tension toward a friend, but not acting on it for whatever reason. It just lifted off tonight!
It's interesting to me, that people don't believe in God, because I'm starting to feel like that'd be like not believing in gravity! I mean, that's not to say people are stupid for not believing in God, because it's not easy, but I think that by letting Him in, little by little it becomes so real. Give Him a little credit, and He might show himself to you, and blow you away. Just sayin'...
"I will rescue him; I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him, and show him my salvation."
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Rope
I don't know what I'm feeling,
As of late,
Life has been revealing,
A lack of fate,
The way things have come around,
The way they have come together,
They've been twisted and wound,
Tight like a tether,
A rope whose purpose I do not know,
What it shall serve,
Where it will go,
I've been walking backwards all this time,
All the more difficult for such a climb,
Now I've been turned around right,
And though it's be a tough fight,
I can sleep peacefully at the end of the night,
Knowing it'll all make sense one day,
A woven rope,
Made along the way.
As of late,
Life has been revealing,
A lack of fate,
The way things have come around,
The way they have come together,
They've been twisted and wound,
Tight like a tether,
A rope whose purpose I do not know,
What it shall serve,
Where it will go,
I've been walking backwards all this time,
All the more difficult for such a climb,
Now I've been turned around right,
And though it's be a tough fight,
I can sleep peacefully at the end of the night,
Knowing it'll all make sense one day,
A woven rope,
Made along the way.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
& the Big Bad Paper Biz
I was just thinking about the big bad paper business, I kind of decided to say, screw it! But it still intrigues me. Something about that well-oiled machine that runs day in and day out! I wanted to be a part of that, but I've come to terms with the fact that I don't have that much ambition. People who want in with journalism claw their way to the front, work themselves silly, and I'm just not that person. I've never wanted to be career person.
Then I thought, well why not just marry a journalist? (as if one can easily pick a husband by career, ha!) But that's an even worse idea because journalists don't marry other people, they marry journalists, and they marry their jobs! They probably would legally if they could. I just don't have the passion for bringing the world the latest drunk-driver story or legislative bit (gahhh, I hated legislative).
I still have my passion for writing, and photography, and people, I just don't know how I want to form them together. I think that I've just realized hard news is not for me. And that's okay cause it only narrows it down.
Then I thought, well why not just marry a journalist? (as if one can easily pick a husband by career, ha!) But that's an even worse idea because journalists don't marry other people, they marry journalists, and they marry their jobs! They probably would legally if they could. I just don't have the passion for bringing the world the latest drunk-driver story or legislative bit (gahhh, I hated legislative).
I still have my passion for writing, and photography, and people, I just don't know how I want to form them together. I think that I've just realized hard news is not for me. And that's okay cause it only narrows it down.
Monday, June 07, 2010
The Puzzle Pieces Fit?
Finally checked up on the JEM-Paris (i.e., YWAM-Paris) site and it's updated! Looks way better, more info on there and everything. It's really interesting to see what's cropping up. I'm really excited for an opportunity to work with them!
On the page about the Paris base, their mission statement says to use art as an outreach, which hey, i'm not opposed to that sounds cool. And to "be a voice for the voiceless". I feel like I had noticed this before somewhere, or maybe Amber told me that was the mission in an email...at any rate. I've had prayer at church or small group at least two times if not more, in which someone got a prophetic word that I would be a voice for the voiceless. I had no clue what that meant, and to be quite honest it scared the crap out of me. A lot. And it still kinda does. But now, there is a connection point.
It's funny how the pieces of the puzzle come together, and you start to see the bigger picture a little better.
Another interesting bit, they want to start a photography school! Now, this I knew over a year ago, I just wasn't sure it was actually something they'd committed to, or just was a nice theory. I'm all about it, granted maybe that fits into plans. Who knows. I wouldn't mind a lick, studying photography in Paris!
I was feeling slightly discouraged about how much I was not only looking forward to the DTS, but going to Paris. I felt a little ashamed that that was a part of it. Then this sunday at church, my pastor made a great point: God wants us to enjoy life. I feel so stupid when I forget simple characteristics of the heart of God. Like that He wants people to experience and know joy. Duh. That is one of my favorite things in life, getting to relish in joy. And I was letting myself feel stupid, or selfish for being excited at a chance to live in Paris for 3 months! But God knows that's a HUGE desire in my heart, to get to try it at least (though I'm absolutely positive I'll love it...and miss my family).
So much about this is so intriguing and awesome! Perfect thing to do with a gap year, eh? I am thinking that through this I will learn a lot more about the heart of God, and about myself, and hence, I will know better what to do now that my course is changing, though I don't know where it's taking me. So much more excited about this than I've ever been about college. Ever.
On the page about the Paris base, their mission statement says to use art as an outreach, which hey, i'm not opposed to that sounds cool. And to "be a voice for the voiceless". I feel like I had noticed this before somewhere, or maybe Amber told me that was the mission in an email...at any rate. I've had prayer at church or small group at least two times if not more, in which someone got a prophetic word that I would be a voice for the voiceless. I had no clue what that meant, and to be quite honest it scared the crap out of me. A lot. And it still kinda does. But now, there is a connection point.
It's funny how the pieces of the puzzle come together, and you start to see the bigger picture a little better.
Another interesting bit, they want to start a photography school! Now, this I knew over a year ago, I just wasn't sure it was actually something they'd committed to, or just was a nice theory. I'm all about it, granted maybe that fits into plans. Who knows. I wouldn't mind a lick, studying photography in Paris!
I was feeling slightly discouraged about how much I was not only looking forward to the DTS, but going to Paris. I felt a little ashamed that that was a part of it. Then this sunday at church, my pastor made a great point: God wants us to enjoy life. I feel so stupid when I forget simple characteristics of the heart of God. Like that He wants people to experience and know joy. Duh. That is one of my favorite things in life, getting to relish in joy. And I was letting myself feel stupid, or selfish for being excited at a chance to live in Paris for 3 months! But God knows that's a HUGE desire in my heart, to get to try it at least (though I'm absolutely positive I'll love it...and miss my family).
So much about this is so intriguing and awesome! Perfect thing to do with a gap year, eh? I am thinking that through this I will learn a lot more about the heart of God, and about myself, and hence, I will know better what to do now that my course is changing, though I don't know where it's taking me. So much more excited about this than I've ever been about college. Ever.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Present Day Vietnam: Unheard Of
Trying to research Vietnam (wow, like a good journalist would), and can't find a darn thing on it present day! Got me thinking...maybe this trip could spark something really interesting! Write a book you say? If David Lamb can, why not me? But then the only question is, how do you write a book?
His book was among the latest, I guess, published in 2002. That's 8 years ago! After practically a world economic crisis, and two new American wars. I am really interested in this country. What it must be like to live in a post-war culture, in I don't know is it considered a third world country? Maybe not, it's a vacation spot. I could find that on Google.
Anyways, maybe that's what that whole "voice for the voiceless" bit was about. Maybe?
As for Cambodia, the CIA has a factbook apparently. It is about the size of Oklahoma, and has almost 15 million people. Wow. Isn't the population of New York like 30 million? They speak French there, as one of their languages. They are also 95% Buddhist. Better read up on Buddhism. Apparently slavery and sex-trafficking are big there.
It's crazy to not know until I really look into it, that places like these need God so badly!
His book was among the latest, I guess, published in 2002. That's 8 years ago! After practically a world economic crisis, and two new American wars. I am really interested in this country. What it must be like to live in a post-war culture, in I don't know is it considered a third world country? Maybe not, it's a vacation spot. I could find that on Google.
Anyways, maybe that's what that whole "voice for the voiceless" bit was about. Maybe?
As for Cambodia, the CIA has a factbook apparently. It is about the size of Oklahoma, and has almost 15 million people. Wow. Isn't the population of New York like 30 million? They speak French there, as one of their languages. They are also 95% Buddhist. Better read up on Buddhism. Apparently slavery and sex-trafficking are big there.
It's crazy to not know until I really look into it, that places like these need God so badly!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Psalm 91
(I know I already posted twice, but I just had a thought, and it's summer so I write more...maybe I'll work on a novel after this!)
You know when there's something you read that you really love, so you can read it over and over. Kind of like a song that you can actually stand on repeat (I use repeat a lot, actually...but most don't). The wonder of it just never gets old, - that's how I feel about Psalm 91! That is my verse!
If ever asked my favorite, I list a whole chapter. Haha.
It's just so powerful to me. And every time I read it, I feel overwhelmed by God's love; amazed by it; covered by it. An array of things, sometimes only one feeling, sometimes a mixture. I never get sick of reading that chapter. I usually read it more than once, when I do. I like to read it in different translations, though I know my favorite, and almost have it memorized, though not intentionally.
I'm not really one of those people, who has a book I can read over and over. If know the story, I'm not likely to ever read it again. In fact, I don't think I've ever read the same book twice, though I intend to with To Kill a Mockingbird, because I really enjoyed it.
But I read Psalm 91, and I love it every time. It's not a question. There is no room to falter, there is so much promise and so much love in this chapter. It absolutely romances me every time.
Sometimes, I'm like Belle in beauty and the beast, with this chapter. I know there's more to it, but sometimes I'll set out to read my bible and I can't get further than this. I get so caught up in it! There's definitely parts of the bible I've never read, and I just can't stop reading this. Maybe it is my life's meditation.
I discovered this verse when I was like 15 or so, still scared to stay home alone (over night), and my parents were gone for the weekend. Our stairway always felt like someone was watching me go up the stairs, so I'd run (if alone). Finally, - thank God for concordances & the people who make them, - I looked up protection. This hit me! At the same time, my brother was in Iraq, and I so I prayed this for him. And it just made it all the less scary to have him there, in the height of the worst of it.
Also apparently when I was like 5, my great grandma was ill, and I quoted some part of this Psalm to her? Not completely sure, but my mom told me this about a year ago. It blew me away because I had absolutely fallen in love with it. So it's really been important to me in life, thus far.
I mean, what better way to walk through life than to read that, and know it as truth! Wow. I could go on about this. But I think I won't. I think I've maybe convinced one or two people to read it. Hopefully. And if you're not a christian, read that and think about it!
It is almost the epitome of God's love (I'd call Christ the epitome, but this is second, in my mind).
You know when there's something you read that you really love, so you can read it over and over. Kind of like a song that you can actually stand on repeat (I use repeat a lot, actually...but most don't). The wonder of it just never gets old, - that's how I feel about Psalm 91! That is my verse!
If ever asked my favorite, I list a whole chapter. Haha.
It's just so powerful to me. And every time I read it, I feel overwhelmed by God's love; amazed by it; covered by it. An array of things, sometimes only one feeling, sometimes a mixture. I never get sick of reading that chapter. I usually read it more than once, when I do. I like to read it in different translations, though I know my favorite, and almost have it memorized, though not intentionally.
I'm not really one of those people, who has a book I can read over and over. If know the story, I'm not likely to ever read it again. In fact, I don't think I've ever read the same book twice, though I intend to with To Kill a Mockingbird, because I really enjoyed it.
But I read Psalm 91, and I love it every time. It's not a question. There is no room to falter, there is so much promise and so much love in this chapter. It absolutely romances me every time.
Sometimes, I'm like Belle in beauty and the beast, with this chapter. I know there's more to it, but sometimes I'll set out to read my bible and I can't get further than this. I get so caught up in it! There's definitely parts of the bible I've never read, and I just can't stop reading this. Maybe it is my life's meditation.
I discovered this verse when I was like 15 or so, still scared to stay home alone (over night), and my parents were gone for the weekend. Our stairway always felt like someone was watching me go up the stairs, so I'd run (if alone). Finally, - thank God for concordances & the people who make them, - I looked up protection. This hit me! At the same time, my brother was in Iraq, and I so I prayed this for him. And it just made it all the less scary to have him there, in the height of the worst of it.
Also apparently when I was like 5, my great grandma was ill, and I quoted some part of this Psalm to her? Not completely sure, but my mom told me this about a year ago. It blew me away because I had absolutely fallen in love with it. So it's really been important to me in life, thus far.
I mean, what better way to walk through life than to read that, and know it as truth! Wow. I could go on about this. But I think I won't. I think I've maybe convinced one or two people to read it. Hopefully. And if you're not a christian, read that and think about it!
It is almost the epitome of God's love (I'd call Christ the epitome, but this is second, in my mind).
Inevitable Let Down
I'm not naive enough to think I would change your mind,
But of all the ones before,
You are surely a different kind,
I can't say quite why,
For I don't myself know,
But I have to let it go,
Not enough there,
And it's just not fair,
To me,
To put myself through another inevitable let down,
And in a sea of perceived loneliness drown,
The thing is, I knew better.
But of all the ones before,
You are surely a different kind,
I can't say quite why,
For I don't myself know,
But I have to let it go,
Not enough there,
And it's just not fair,
To me,
To put myself through another inevitable let down,
And in a sea of perceived loneliness drown,
The thing is, I knew better.
Love on the Brain
It's kind of funny, when all your friends are dating someone, and you're one of few in your circle who aren't...I want a relationship really bad right now, but I know it's not for the right reason. Just because everyone else is dating? That's definitely a thought beneath my logic and sensibility; I know better.
A relationship is so the last thing I need! Haha, sometimes I feel like my senses and my emotions battle. Is that just a woman thing? Or just a me thing? At least my logic usually wins. Except when my emotions act too quickly for my logic. Haha. That's when I usually do things out of character.
There was some interesting conversation yesterday that has had me thinking a lot. I've had an intuition that now's not the time for a relationship, but I've just been ignoring God about it for a while. And so He just keeps reminding me. Ha. Gotta love that.
On a somewhat related note, I usually hate people that are not in control of their flirting, or that flirt aimlessly... and I have been doing that! ARGH! So disappointed with myself. That is not just for throwing around, in my opinion. But I've been doing it. I guess I've just had a lot of gumption lately. Maybe it's summer. Maybe it's affirmation in Christ, and walking with God. I can't do wrong, so why not aimlessly flirt? Okay, maybe I won't. I'll try not to, anyways. Haha.
Oh gosh, I gotta get this stuff out of my brain. Even though I feel like my opinions on these things are so dynamic and ever-changing. But it doesn't really matter, anyways.
A relationship is so the last thing I need! Haha, sometimes I feel like my senses and my emotions battle. Is that just a woman thing? Or just a me thing? At least my logic usually wins. Except when my emotions act too quickly for my logic. Haha. That's when I usually do things out of character.
There was some interesting conversation yesterday that has had me thinking a lot. I've had an intuition that now's not the time for a relationship, but I've just been ignoring God about it for a while. And so He just keeps reminding me. Ha. Gotta love that.
On a somewhat related note, I usually hate people that are not in control of their flirting, or that flirt aimlessly... and I have been doing that! ARGH! So disappointed with myself. That is not just for throwing around, in my opinion. But I've been doing it. I guess I've just had a lot of gumption lately. Maybe it's summer. Maybe it's affirmation in Christ, and walking with God. I can't do wrong, so why not aimlessly flirt? Okay, maybe I won't. I'll try not to, anyways. Haha.
Oh gosh, I gotta get this stuff out of my brain. Even though I feel like my opinions on these things are so dynamic and ever-changing. But it doesn't really matter, anyways.
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