This is a list of one thing from each day that I was thankful for and found to be a blessing.
1st - I did not do a single dish today.
2nd - Sat next to my brother at movie night.
3rd - Told someone about YWAM & my big dream, & she was excited & encouraging.
4th - Many, if not every last one of my coworkers made me laugh today.
5th - Thrifted with BuddyHolly! Holl-ster! Hollywood!
6th - My best friend got engaged today!!!
7th - My saturday night tied into my sunday morning (sermon-wise)
8th - Documentary date [movie] night with Kelly; laughing
9th - I got one of the best phone calls of my life.
10th- I did not wear any make up. At all.
11th- A customer played really good piano upstairs at work.
12th- I got to hug my best friend IN PERSON for the first time since AUGUST. (our 2nd best hug ever)
13th- Shared a dozen donuts with Sara (& 3ish other people)
14th- Sat at church next to my best friend
15th- Sara's class was canceled (one more hour quality time)
16th- Smiled a lot :)
17th- A last minute switch of outfits from frumpy to skirt & cowboy boots.
18th- Jason made me laugh a lot today at work.
19th- Thrifting with Abby
20th- Josh kicked out the drunkard for Jaidyn & I, then helped us close.
21st- Working with Holly.
22nd- Being remembered (/missed?), and being giggly with Abby. Two. Oh well.
23rd- Green bean casserole lessons & raspberry covered cheesecake! (& awesome prayer)
24th- Awesome ladies who let me crash at their house!
25th- Cuddling.
26th- Ran to the corner store only to find out they don't have crayons.
27th- My mom checked if I was awake for work (at 5:30AM) & then packed me a bfast.
28th- My family played pictonary and charades. No one fought or talked politics.
29th- Alex did 98% of the dishes again today. That is an exact statistic.
30th- Fancy Night! with the whole gang, watched better off dead.
When I look at a list like this, and know some days it was hard to choose just one thing (nearly every day), November was pretty stellar.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Four of Which
The other day, I was thinking about it. And I am not the biggest fan of winter. Snow is fun and picturesque until January 2nd. Then I'm done.
I love sledding, at least once. Though I don't usually go. I like the first good snowfall, I always do donuts in my car around the neighborhood. I like to ski but haven't gone since 7th grade. So maybe I don't anymore, haha.
The only other things I love about winter (holidays don't count), are all related to the sky:
I love that 1 a.m. brightness that happens sometimes. It's like broad-daylight, but it's the middle of the night. Then, those winter nights when the sky is a starry-sprinkled perfect crisp navy. Sunrise in the winter, seems to be inevitably beautiful. Sunset and twilight are one. They are, of course, my favorite winter sky. It's so romantic it nearly hurts! The seamless blend from one such different color to another.
Those are the times when I think to myself, Winter is not a completely destitute waste of a season. There is some beauty here.
I love sledding, at least once. Though I don't usually go. I like the first good snowfall, I always do donuts in my car around the neighborhood. I like to ski but haven't gone since 7th grade. So maybe I don't anymore, haha.
The only other things I love about winter (holidays don't count), are all related to the sky:
I love that 1 a.m. brightness that happens sometimes. It's like broad-daylight, but it's the middle of the night. Then, those winter nights when the sky is a starry-sprinkled perfect crisp navy. Sunrise in the winter, seems to be inevitably beautiful. Sunset and twilight are one. They are, of course, my favorite winter sky. It's so romantic it nearly hurts! The seamless blend from one such different color to another.
Those are the times when I think to myself, Winter is not a completely destitute waste of a season. There is some beauty here.
Introspection?
I'm over-analytical.
I talk too much, - I've been told even occasionally in my sleep.
I'm nosey, and I don't care; if you don't want to answer, don't. I won't be offended.
I tend to interrupt. As a style of conversing, if you will.
I have restless toe/foot syndrome.
I wish I could just be friends with everyone, but I keep finding out that's not possible.
I'm stubborn mostly when faced with stubbornness (I can play too).
Holy crap, I can be awkward. Ha.
I am an awkward-phone person. I prefer not to call.
I stutter and mumble, - if I could manage it, I would.
I speed and don't care.
I giggle, and for some reason people don't get it. I don't even know.
I get told that I smile a lot, and it baffles me. Doesn't everyone?
I procrastinate on everything that "matters"...papers, bills, appointments, etc.
I could be really good at something, but the moment I know someone's paying attention, I fail miserably.
I remember nearly everything. If there's something I forget that I wish I remembered, I get almost panicky.
I can't think just to myself, I need to talk about things with people; sometimes many, sometimes only the ones who really know me.
I can rarely help but laugh at farts. I don't care if that makes me two.
I love to sleep. I will sleep until I don't need to, if given the opportunity.
I can be both very articulate, and very inarticulate.
I have a very random thought pattern, sometimes I can't even follow.
I am horribly loyal, with which comes irrational protectiveness.
I know myself very well, but am constantly learning more...and this makes me feel self-centered.
Or can I call it introspection?
I talk too much, - I've been told even occasionally in my sleep.
I'm nosey, and I don't care; if you don't want to answer, don't. I won't be offended.
I tend to interrupt. As a style of conversing, if you will.
I have restless toe/foot syndrome.
I wish I could just be friends with everyone, but I keep finding out that's not possible.
I'm stubborn mostly when faced with stubbornness (I can play too).
Holy crap, I can be awkward. Ha.
I am an awkward-phone person. I prefer not to call.
I stutter and mumble, - if I could manage it, I would.
I speed and don't care.
I giggle, and for some reason people don't get it. I don't even know.
I get told that I smile a lot, and it baffles me. Doesn't everyone?
I procrastinate on everything that "matters"...papers, bills, appointments, etc.
I could be really good at something, but the moment I know someone's paying attention, I fail miserably.
I remember nearly everything. If there's something I forget that I wish I remembered, I get almost panicky.
I can't think just to myself, I need to talk about things with people; sometimes many, sometimes only the ones who really know me.
I can rarely help but laugh at farts. I don't care if that makes me two.
I love to sleep. I will sleep until I don't need to, if given the opportunity.
I can be both very articulate, and very inarticulate.
I have a very random thought pattern, sometimes I can't even follow.
I am horribly loyal, with which comes irrational protectiveness.
I know myself very well, but am constantly learning more...and this makes me feel self-centered.
Or can I call it introspection?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
That Thing You Said
It all started in July,
That thing you said,
Made me cry,
- But that was only days ago,
See,
I don't understand why I should know,
Of such good intention,
By accidental mention,
Cause it sank into my heart,
And that's what I say was the start,
I let myself ponder it too long,
And over and over,
I listened to that song,
And every time,
You surprise me,
But something inside defies me,
Keeps me from thinking that this is justified,
All the while wondering if maybe I just tried...
Maybe if I wasn't so terrified,
Of breaking my own heart,
Yet another time,
Maybe what I'd find is sublime,
But for now,
It's just fine.
That thing you said,
Made me cry,
- But that was only days ago,
See,
I don't understand why I should know,
Of such good intention,
By accidental mention,
Cause it sank into my heart,
And that's what I say was the start,
I let myself ponder it too long,
And over and over,
I listened to that song,
And every time,
You surprise me,
But something inside defies me,
Keeps me from thinking that this is justified,
All the while wondering if maybe I just tried...
Maybe if I wasn't so terrified,
Of breaking my own heart,
Yet another time,
Maybe what I'd find is sublime,
But for now,
It's just fine.
What To Think
I don't know what to think anymore,
I think I should give up thinking so much,
Maybe loose count of each time you touch,
Slow my heartbeat,
Keep track of my feet,
These such high expectations,
Or maybe high hopes,
When my feelings are tangled,
Like ropes,
So how I plan to get myself grounded,
I don't know - I'm confounded,
Lost in my own mind,
Sifting through everything,
For answers I can't find,
Giving up,
Then again taking hold,
Wishing I could be more bold,
Scared of what will come of this,
Or won't,
Whether you take interest,
Or don't,
Hope I don't get hurt again,
But know it's probably too late when
All this is racing through my head.
I think I should give up thinking so much,
Maybe loose count of each time you touch,
Slow my heartbeat,
Keep track of my feet,
These such high expectations,
Or maybe high hopes,
When my feelings are tangled,
Like ropes,
So how I plan to get myself grounded,
I don't know - I'm confounded,
Lost in my own mind,
Sifting through everything,
For answers I can't find,
Giving up,
Then again taking hold,
Wishing I could be more bold,
Scared of what will come of this,
Or won't,
Whether you take interest,
Or don't,
Hope I don't get hurt again,
But know it's probably too late when
All this is racing through my head.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Where I Always Put Me
Why am I in this random moment of discouragement? What is this? I just keep stupidly expecting people to be better at life than they are. And for that matter, - though in a different variation - that I am better at life than I am.
Maybe I've been being too independent from God. Setting my heart on things that maybe aren't what he has for me. It's a little scary sometimes to leave it up to someone who won't tell you what they're doing. Though I guess that's exactly where I find myself, though not with God but with people.
I just want to know what's going on. And I lean into my perceptions too much at times, which just ends up getting me hurt. And that stinks the big one. I've done it before. I've put myself somewhere, thinking it's where I belong, then only when I fall on my face do I realize that I set myself up to get my feelings hurt.
At the same time as the idea of becoming jaded into thinking that everyone sucks, that disappoints me more than anything combined.
So it's cyclical; I will go about life getting myself hurt by people, let down, and I will just keep hoping I meet another person that's different. Another person who aims their best not to self-serve, not to put down others and discourage them, not to take in hearts but take no care. As naive as it feels every time someone hurts me, I'll go on living this way. Because the other way doesn't interest me.
Maybe I've been being too independent from God. Setting my heart on things that maybe aren't what he has for me. It's a little scary sometimes to leave it up to someone who won't tell you what they're doing. Though I guess that's exactly where I find myself, though not with God but with people.
I just want to know what's going on. And I lean into my perceptions too much at times, which just ends up getting me hurt. And that stinks the big one. I've done it before. I've put myself somewhere, thinking it's where I belong, then only when I fall on my face do I realize that I set myself up to get my feelings hurt.
At the same time as the idea of becoming jaded into thinking that everyone sucks, that disappoints me more than anything combined.
So it's cyclical; I will go about life getting myself hurt by people, let down, and I will just keep hoping I meet another person that's different. Another person who aims their best not to self-serve, not to put down others and discourage them, not to take in hearts but take no care. As naive as it feels every time someone hurts me, I'll go on living this way. Because the other way doesn't interest me.
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