I Miss You A Lot, Today

Thinking a lot this about a dear friend that passed away at the end of this summer. It's been kinda tough. But it got me thinking some more about her and the legacy she left behind. The biggest thing that resounded through all that's been said about her was love. What a beautiful legacy to leave behind.

We were co-workers to begin with, and we turned into friends. It's been really hard going to work and wishing there was somebody to talk to, and then remembering all the silly chats her and I used to have about grey's anatomy, or even fibromyalgia (i'd take that again any day). It made me think, wow this is really hard and we weren't even as close as I would've liked to have been. She was such a great woman. I thought, how awful must this be for those who were her best friends.

It made me think, what kind of legacy do I want to leave behind, someday? I don't care about people liking my artwork or my poetry, or my ; I hope that when people remember me, they remember me as fondly as those who knew and remember Sue.

I miss you a lot, today. I won't ever hear Norah Jones the same; I won't ever drive by a Curves without thinking of you. I won't ever rub my fingers without thinking you. You were one of the silliest, most lovable people I've ever known, and I'm glad to have.

If Seeing Your Face

if only seeing your face made it go away,
then i wouldn't have to think about you today,
if only i could learn a way to get through a day,
without the pain coming back,
and throwing me off track,
if the thought of you makes me ill,
why am i thinking of you still,
and you're somewhere without me,
not even in your memory,
and i,
i don't know how to feel,
and I don't know how to deal,
then i think giving up on you,
is the only thing to do,
if i ever want to feel,
this heart inside me heal,

but if i let this go,
i will never know,
what would've happened had i let it show.

You Hung in My Thoughts

Sorry, I don't know what to tell you,
I held my breath so long that I turned blue,
And I can't see what's in it for me,
To hold onto the you I see,
Cause you're different now than you were then,
And I don't even know you, friend,
You hung in my thoughts for a day or two,
But that was the last I thought of you,
Cause to cut a scar,
Was to go too far,
And to see you here,
Not know who you are,
Well that's,
Just,
Sad,
After all,
We've,
Had,
You turned away in silence,
And now I shake my head,
And she rocks your bed,
But we both know,
That it just won't go,
Like it should,
And she'll let go just like she would,
Then you'll fall,
And you'll fall,
And you'll fall right through it all,
With nowhere to land cause you let go of my hand,
That I can't understand,
Aren't you supposed to be a man,
Well let's hope you can,
Cause no girl's gonna take,
What is left in the wake,
Of another soul,
Or fill the hole that's in your heart,
That you've covered up right from the start,
And if you'd quit denying,
and you started trying,
No one'd be left crying,
or aching or lying,
But you're taking and prying,
Apart all the layers you've built,
And it's sad that you don't see,
How you're gonna wilt,
When it all falls apart,
And rips at the seams,
Crushing your heart,
and destroying your dreams,
Cause you wouldn't listen,
Or open an ear,
Cause you can't learn from something you hear,
And I wish I could tell you dear,
But I mean nothing to you, I fear.

A Few Thoughts on God

I was thinking about my faith a lot today, and it's odd that once you know God, you can't imagine life without Him. I don't even fully rely on God as much as I should, and the idea of life without Him, well, honestly I can't even comprehend it. The idea of going nowhere after death is...just...so depressing. It's a wonder people can go on living without a Purpose in their life. I don't even have a grasp on where God wants me to go yet, and yet I know He has a purpose for me. If it wasn't for Him and the Hope He provides and promises, I don't think I'd be at all the person I am, or where I am.

I also don't get how you could live this life and not feel Him and see Him everywhere, in everything. This world is too much, only an Awesome Creator could do all this. I'm kind of high on God tonight, so I know anyone who doesn't know him will look at this and think i'm nuts. But i am for so many other reasons than my faith, haha. And knowing the truth doesn't make anyone crazy. Having the ability to believe in something abstract apparently does. *shrugs* I could never deny it, for many reasons in my life, and tonight was just a reassurance of His Greatness.

Sweet New Digs

I am really excited! We FINALLY ordered my new camera online and are picking it up tomorrow! *EEK*! I just had to get that out there, it's the Nikon D60 and I got a boss deal on it! And a lovely little protection plan that if I drop it and break it, they'll fix it...not that I would ever drop a camera; what a disgusting thought! So I'm really excited for it and hopefully it will fan the flame of my love for photography (not that it went out, just depleted...sadly). And then I'm going to go shoot my hot bff on sunday! Yay, what a good weekend this is shaping up to be.

Seriously can't wait to see how this baby performs!