I have nothing of substance to say or do right now...which begs the question why am I blogging? Who knows. My brain is definitely on auto-pilot. I would greatly enjoy a nap at this moment. Greatly.
I am wearing my red hat today. I was a bit weary to donne it, but once I took the plunge, I fell in love. My head is warm, and I am freezing.
I really have nothing to say. I've been drinking tons of coffee today, and not enough food. I ate enough food yesterday, at our family belated Thanksgiving.
Aspergers.
Spectacular time with my brother and his wife :) lots of good talk time. I like them, they are swell. I get repetitive about who I like. Get over it, get used to it.
Well, I think I shall sign off. Nothing interesting to say. And I WILL just babble.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
T-Day Thankfulness (may include YOU!)
I'm back on facebook! And I'm having a rather strange thanksgiving. My family hosts every year, (very rarely we'd go to my grandparents, but) I always have spent it with my family. My mom has the same nasty cold that I did about a week and a half ago.
Nonetheless, (i love that that is one word) I am thinking, as I like to each year, about what I'm thankful for. And so it begins:
-I think this year, the very first thing that comes to mind as a catchall is finding my church, Mercy Vineyard. I have met so many fantastic people through this church, and God has been doing things through me and in me non-stop since I've started going there. I went from a 1 & 1/2 year hiatus from church to not missing a sunday since January. We will probably come back to the awesome people I've met. (see second to last hyphen)
-I just found out Scrubs is doing one more season? I feel like this is only a farse, but I'm stoked about it anyways. Apparently December 1st. haha...how it got on this list...?
-I'm thankful for the experiences I've had this year. That is a really roundabout way of saying it, yes, but it's also the best way to say it. I've gone through so much horrible stupid crap this year, but I know that it(to be completely cliche here) made me who I am right at this moment. It made me learn more trust, and to be more carefree, and helped me realize even more that PEOPLE are the only things that matter in this life. Amen? Amen.
-I really love my in-laws...no, I'm not married. But I am referring to the wonderful appendages of my siblings. That is the simple way of putting it. I like them; they are great.
-New relationships of all kinds: ones that got better, even ones that have hit rough patches. I'm so thankful for them all!
-This may sound dumb, but I am amused and amazed by many simple things in life and two of them are senses:
-sight
-hearing
like I said, it sounds dumb, but I'm always thankful for music, and beauty, but I wouldn't know either of those things if not for something I take for granted on an all too regular basis.
back to less serious things...
-coffee. One of life's simple -but expensive- pleasures.
-As always, and I fear the day I'm not thankful for this, laughter. Man, I love to laugh. I love that whole other kind of peace that comes over you after a good laugh. Mmm!
from there...
-I am so utterly thankful for my best friend Sara! God has strengthened and blessed both of us, more than we would've imagined back in our sophomore year of high school, at the beginning of our friendship. Really. She is definitely amongst the greatest people I've ever known, a great example to me of a woman in Christ. I have to stop myself now or I'll rant eternally and no one will read this.
-And I am thankful for my sick mother, not the fact that she is sick, but for her. Cause when she's sick, there's no party. When she's sick, the gears stop turning. She is magnificent. And CRAZY, and I know I will be her someday...and that makes me excited to have a daughter someday, and to see more of life. She's magnificent.
-Okay, back to the people. I have met so many great people, mostly in some way through my church. Those people, there's not enough to say. They are clever, witty, creative, caring, sympathetic, (pathetic - jk), I could toss a list of great adjectives out there about these people. Pretty much, if I've tagged you in here and you go to Mercy or I met you through someone from Mercy, I am immensely thanking God for you in my life today. All of you have been great, in big and small ways, and God has definitely blessed me with knowing you. People who would invite me to their house on thanksgiving when I have no plans, and people I would gladly have invited if I were having a dinner! That is only a tiny piece of the love, right there :)
-Finally, I am thankful for grace. It's one of those things that there's not much to say about. It stands alone; speaks for itself. It is amazing alone without a bundle of words to try and make it more so.
Happy Thanksgiving 2009, everyone!!!
Nonetheless, (i love that that is one word) I am thinking, as I like to each year, about what I'm thankful for. And so it begins:
-I think this year, the very first thing that comes to mind as a catchall is finding my church, Mercy Vineyard. I have met so many fantastic people through this church, and God has been doing things through me and in me non-stop since I've started going there. I went from a 1 & 1/2 year hiatus from church to not missing a sunday since January. We will probably come back to the awesome people I've met. (see second to last hyphen)
-I just found out Scrubs is doing one more season? I feel like this is only a farse, but I'm stoked about it anyways. Apparently December 1st. haha...how it got on this list...?
-I'm thankful for the experiences I've had this year. That is a really roundabout way of saying it, yes, but it's also the best way to say it. I've gone through so much horrible stupid crap this year, but I know that it(to be completely cliche here) made me who I am right at this moment. It made me learn more trust, and to be more carefree, and helped me realize even more that PEOPLE are the only things that matter in this life. Amen? Amen.
-I really love my in-laws...no, I'm not married. But I am referring to the wonderful appendages of my siblings. That is the simple way of putting it. I like them; they are great.
-New relationships of all kinds: ones that got better, even ones that have hit rough patches. I'm so thankful for them all!
-This may sound dumb, but I am amused and amazed by many simple things in life and two of them are senses:
-sight
-hearing
like I said, it sounds dumb, but I'm always thankful for music, and beauty, but I wouldn't know either of those things if not for something I take for granted on an all too regular basis.
back to less serious things...
-coffee. One of life's simple -but expensive- pleasures.
-As always, and I fear the day I'm not thankful for this, laughter. Man, I love to laugh. I love that whole other kind of peace that comes over you after a good laugh. Mmm!
from there...
-I am so utterly thankful for my best friend Sara! God has strengthened and blessed both of us, more than we would've imagined back in our sophomore year of high school, at the beginning of our friendship. Really. She is definitely amongst the greatest people I've ever known, a great example to me of a woman in Christ. I have to stop myself now or I'll rant eternally and no one will read this.
-And I am thankful for my sick mother, not the fact that she is sick, but for her. Cause when she's sick, there's no party. When she's sick, the gears stop turning. She is magnificent. And CRAZY, and I know I will be her someday...and that makes me excited to have a daughter someday, and to see more of life. She's magnificent.
-Okay, back to the people. I have met so many great people, mostly in some way through my church. Those people, there's not enough to say. They are clever, witty, creative, caring, sympathetic, (pathetic - jk), I could toss a list of great adjectives out there about these people. Pretty much, if I've tagged you in here and you go to Mercy or I met you through someone from Mercy, I am immensely thanking God for you in my life today. All of you have been great, in big and small ways, and God has definitely blessed me with knowing you. People who would invite me to their house on thanksgiving when I have no plans, and people I would gladly have invited if I were having a dinner! That is only a tiny piece of the love, right there :)
-Finally, I am thankful for grace. It's one of those things that there's not much to say about. It stands alone; speaks for itself. It is amazing alone without a bundle of words to try and make it more so.
Happy Thanksgiving 2009, everyone!!!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Preliminary Draft of "Mind Games"
A declaration of faith,
A new step and you've lost your place,
Confusion and turmoil plague your face,
It's hard to see where you're going,
When you feel like you're blind,
It's hard to hold to the words,
That just barely bind,
Yourself to this concept that's too big to grasp,
And yet we are constantly finding questions to ask,
Too hard to accept,
And yet too easy,
"There's not a thing in this moment to please me,"
You say,
And the laughter is only to hide,
In a way,
The fear,
Of what it feels like,
To be so near,
To the edge of everything and all that matters,
If He doesn't exist than this porcelain world shatters,
If it's just a set of mind games and you're equipped to play,
Why would you forfeit and walk away?
It's difficult but worth it,
That is that once you unearth it,
The beauty of this victory is more than you can comprehend,
If you go bravely into the struggles,
The prize is worth it in the end,
It's never going to be easy,
But it's easy this way,
You're gonna have to be strong,
To get through each day.
A new step and you've lost your place,
Confusion and turmoil plague your face,
It's hard to see where you're going,
When you feel like you're blind,
It's hard to hold to the words,
That just barely bind,
Yourself to this concept that's too big to grasp,
And yet we are constantly finding questions to ask,
Too hard to accept,
And yet too easy,
"There's not a thing in this moment to please me,"
You say,
And the laughter is only to hide,
In a way,
The fear,
Of what it feels like,
To be so near,
To the edge of everything and all that matters,
If He doesn't exist than this porcelain world shatters,
If it's just a set of mind games and you're equipped to play,
Why would you forfeit and walk away?
It's difficult but worth it,
That is that once you unearth it,
The beauty of this victory is more than you can comprehend,
If you go bravely into the struggles,
The prize is worth it in the end,
It's never going to be easy,
But it's easy this way,
You're gonna have to be strong,
To get through each day.
Serenity
Sometimes all I can do is lay in my bed on back in whatever contorted position I land in there, close my eyes, and say the serenity prayer,
"God, grant me the serenity,"
I usually only get that far before I get lost in breathing, and just existing. That is one of the easiest ways I find peace, and I didn't even realize how often I go to this. I don't even usually get to the rest; the things I can and cannot change, - I just exist, and breathe. It feels beautiful.
For as passionate and intense I can be about things, those simple words as a simple, concise request have kept me level at some of the times when I really needed it. Even if it were only as a breather before jumping back in. A moment of true serenity is refreshing.
"God, grant me the serenity,"
I usually only get that far before I get lost in breathing, and just existing. That is one of the easiest ways I find peace, and I didn't even realize how often I go to this. I don't even usually get to the rest; the things I can and cannot change, - I just exist, and breathe. It feels beautiful.
For as passionate and intense I can be about things, those simple words as a simple, concise request have kept me level at some of the times when I really needed it. Even if it were only as a breather before jumping back in. A moment of true serenity is refreshing.
Monday, November 09, 2009
A Metaphor of the Mediocrity of Me
I'm blank, - I'm drawing a blank, and that just goes to show it. I'm so nervous. I'm so busy. I'm so ready to have a break!
Piping hot grilled cheese sandwich that I paid too much for. Napkins, who needs em! As I always say, that's what jeans are for!
It was gorgeous out today, just wonderful. So warm that I actually felt dehydrated all day. I just got used to cold weather, and was getting used to no jacket. Naturally today I felt faint most of the day, haha.
I'm killing time before I head to biology class. Blech! I'm scraping by, like I do in science classes...dreading the big midterm wednesday, and the big final december whenever. I'd rather just sit here and think about how much i'd love to take a nap right now, and about my yummy grilled cheese panini...and the word panini.
I miss being able to have a life, but I just want to get this stupid process over with. Maybe I could take the fall semester off. That's something that never occurred to me; "get it done soon as possible so you can move on with life," that's my mantra. I want to do other things, but I maybe made the mistake of diving into too quick, then again with my procrastination level, there's no way of telling whether i'd have even gone back after a hiatus.
Now Paris, paris sounds dang good right now...again, except for the price tag. Summer's not even worth it, it's six grand for six weeks.
I think I'm just itching to feel progressive again; I feel so stagnant right now. School, blah. Living in the suburbs, BLAH. Commuting from the SUBURBS!!, BLAHHHHHH!!
It's not that I don't like it there, it's just that I've had 18 years of it, I could handle something different again. A bit more of a challenge, a bit more exciting.
Now I'm just rambling, like I do. The trumpet playing at Dunn Bros right now sings a metaphor of the mediocrity of me. I'm going to have a nap in this most likely really dirty chair.
Piping hot grilled cheese sandwich that I paid too much for. Napkins, who needs em! As I always say, that's what jeans are for!
It was gorgeous out today, just wonderful. So warm that I actually felt dehydrated all day. I just got used to cold weather, and was getting used to no jacket. Naturally today I felt faint most of the day, haha.
I'm killing time before I head to biology class. Blech! I'm scraping by, like I do in science classes...dreading the big midterm wednesday, and the big final december whenever. I'd rather just sit here and think about how much i'd love to take a nap right now, and about my yummy grilled cheese panini...and the word panini.
I miss being able to have a life, but I just want to get this stupid process over with. Maybe I could take the fall semester off. That's something that never occurred to me; "get it done soon as possible so you can move on with life," that's my mantra. I want to do other things, but I maybe made the mistake of diving into too quick, then again with my procrastination level, there's no way of telling whether i'd have even gone back after a hiatus.
Now Paris, paris sounds dang good right now...again, except for the price tag. Summer's not even worth it, it's six grand for six weeks.
I think I'm just itching to feel progressive again; I feel so stagnant right now. School, blah. Living in the suburbs, BLAH. Commuting from the SUBURBS!!, BLAHHHHHH!!
It's not that I don't like it there, it's just that I've had 18 years of it, I could handle something different again. A bit more of a challenge, a bit more exciting.
Now I'm just rambling, like I do. The trumpet playing at Dunn Bros right now sings a metaphor of the mediocrity of me. I'm going to have a nap in this most likely really dirty chair.
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