Don't get me wrong, as I've had to tell my therapist many times, I don't believe this at all – but they all seem to. So I keep getting my hopes up and dashed, whether a shallow or deep encounter. Each and every time, I can think back and find somewhere he didn't want to put the work in. Now, I'm not demanding backflips through crazy hoops, or asking for anything unreasonable, by any means. In fact I think I'm asking for what I deserve, as a human being offering my time and heart. Somehow I haven't met a man that is willing to put in the effort where it's needed.
It's exhausting and discouraging. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way, but I find myself questioning if there's anyone out there who will treat me as though all the things they think are attractive about me, actually make me deserving of their effort. That anyone will treat me as if once found, I'm someone unquestioningly worth effort to keep around. I find myself taking what I can get, until I am frustrated that I have to tolerate these things – because even confronting is too much.
Dating has taught me that I'm both too much and not worth it. Can you blame me if I feel completely closed off to admiration always intermixed with rejection?
