You Were Always Warm

You were always warm,
I saw hope in you,
When I'd look in your eyes,
I lost faith in you,
When you fell for the lies;

You had a glow,
From your heart,
That showed on your face,
And every time you looked my way,
I told my heart to keep its pace;

You were always warm,
And when your arms were wrapped around me,
Time stood still,
Our lungs would deflate,
And then again fill,
Encased in a gesture,
I needed, -
I miss;

You were always warm,
I felt safe beside you,
I wish I never had to divide you,
Cause I can't feel your warmth,
When you're not beside me,
And I can't feel my heart,
Since you denied me,
I tried and tried,
But I never cried,
As much as it pained,
The tears refrained,
From falling,
Falling from the heart of my eyes,
Falling heavily from the size,
Of the ache at my core,
When I remember what you wore,
And feel it all again,
Come crashing...all again;

You were always warm,
At the end of the day,
You were always there,
Begging me to stay,
When the moon had already laid down to sleep,
And these of course,
Are the memories that I keep,
Locked away to remember some day,
When I can look back and fondly say,
"You were always warm".

Ahhh . . . life is beautiful!

Life is kinda okay right now...it took, what 2 and a half days out of school. Ha! I'm just looking forward to the future and things it holds; the mystery. At the same time as i'm scared to death of it. It's kind of the fact that I'm done with high school sinking in. Life is like - well, i was going to use an overly cheesy cliche here, but decided against it; let's just say it's all undecided [by anyone on this earth anyways] at this point.

I'm listening to the song that my sister and her husband first danced to as a married couple, and it's such a sweet song, it definitely makes me think of them! To be blessed with a love like their's, that's something i hope to see in my future. Who would've known a simple browsing on craig's list would lead a girl to the love of her life?

I'm just kind of in that really oddly happy optimistic mood...the one i used to always be in. It's hard to be a generally happy person, the pessimists of the world drag you down. It's funny cause it feels foreign mostly because i know we're not meant to feel that way. I mean, let's be real about this with all the crazy stuff that goes down in the world, it can be hard to put a smile on sometimes. I've just always been that type of person, i guess. The type that is generally really happy all the time, i can't help myself i guess.

I look forward to traveling the world! Ugh! So much!! I cannot wait, sometimes i just feel like my world is getting a little too small and i'd like to go out there and see for myself that billions of other people do exist. It's not that i don't believe it, i just want to go somewhere that i don't know a soul, and meet some people. It's not that whole starting over thing per say, i'm okay with who i am, it's more experiencing people. I really do like to experience people, although i've been getting more burnt out on it lately. I mean, i love people, but there are still some that get under my skin.

I think it's because i loose sight of empathy for people who are missing something in their lives that they have to be mean or rude to someone they don't even know. I just don't understand that mentality at all, i don't really understand being rude to someone out of the blue.

So that's why i want to go to Paris and to Ireland and to Greece; i want to see who else is out there and what else. I want to see how people act and what they're like. I won't lie, i really want to see sights too! Haha, the Eiffel Tower and the green rolling Irisih hills; can't pass that up.

It seems like now i'm free, not that i have any clue what i REALLY plan to do with that freedom, for now it's just a nice feeling.

I also am looking forward to learning knew things. I'm all about experiencing life and new aspects of it. I like getting introspective and learning about people and coming to new discoveries. All of it, i guess i just really enjoy life! And i can't wait to enjoy it some more.

Papers in record time!

I just finished my last important paper of my high school career, and I did so in record time. A 4 page comparison paper in an hour and 45 minutes. I think i can breathe...once my car is fixed.

A whole ton of stuff had to pile on me at once, it was just wearing me out. I'm so glad it's done. It still hasn't quite hit me that tomorrow is my last day of High School. Crazy!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! just had to get that out...in the form of typed word. I'll probably do it again at least once at graduation.

I can't wait to just come home and sit on my butt and say to myself "Now, you have to go back by choice."... Life is a poo.

But summer is here, and summer has never been bad to me. God likes the summer, i should think. He likes to do a lot of work in the summer, at least in my life in particular. I'm looking forward to that cause i'm pretty sure it's already started. I don't mind at all. It might kill my ability to write poetry and songs, but with an overall happier life, i think i'll be ok.

Anywho, off to the world again...write again soon, hopefully something more profound to say : )

Inside Jokes = "You Had to Be There" Moments!

I'm supposed to be doing homework, but at this current moment i have a thought i cannot reject because i feel it may lead somewhere. Here goes:

I'm so not into cliquey-ness, it's stupid. Granted, there are people i don't like and so may avoid them at social events at which they are, but being completely exclusive with one person out of a group, that's kind of dumb. I'll admit, once again, there are definite exceptions to this rule; i.e. big issues, disliking everyone but one person, etc.

I hang out with my friends or various people because i generally like hanging out with them. It has nothing to do with status or anything like that, in fact i prefer people to stare because my friends and i are being total dorks! I hang out with people because they make me happy.

Some people i've hung out with and haven't for a while, or even just lost touch with still matter to me. Don't take it personally if i haven't called...i have this problem, more fear of talking on the phone. It causes a lot of problems.

But back to my main point, i just think people should be able to have a normal conversation without making everyone else around them wonder what exactly it's about. Inside jokes are fun, but let's face it; they're lame. They get even lamer after someone talks about it, then feels bad so they explain it. Why even bother? It's not even funny after you explain it, that's why it's an inside joke. People should automatically associate inside jokes with "you had to be there" moments. Same thing, peeps!

Just my current rant. It popped into my head thinking about some stuff and i had to get my writing bug going for homework : (

Throw my hat up in the air . . .

I just want to write songs. I want school to be over and finished with consuming the life that is left in me. I just want a break from stress! I just want to be like jack johnson, live on the beautiful shores of Hawaii and write music backed by ukuleles. One problem, i can't sing and i live in minnesota...not exactly hawaii.

I'm sick of school and thinking. I want summer! It's so close that it's making it hard to even think about finishing all the homework that is currently piled on my hypothetical desk. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just keep trying to remind myself of my motivation: throwing my graduation cap. That's what i look forward to. That is what i've looked forward to for 4 years, what's kept me going. That moment when they said "Presenting your graduating class of 2008", i'll throw my hat up in the air and then move on with my life.

...And So Here I Find Myself

I think i've been a little misunderstood through my writing as of late. I have never been one without hope, and so i write:

It's funny how even when life tries to get me down, i always have this feeling of light at the end of the tunnel; this sort of "it's all gonna turn out alright" feeling. I've never been one to be hopeless. I know God has a plan, i just have no patience in waiting to discover it. I don't want to waste time on all this pointless stuff. I just want to jump right in.

I'm not usually the type to get annoyed or anxious about getting lost. If i feel as though i'm in another state unintended, then i worry. Otherwise, it's just getting lost. But when it comes to God's plan, i don't want to waste time getting lost. I'd rather just take the correct route the whole time.

I just have days, like everyone else, in which i get a little down. Those days for me, are usually not as bad either because i tend to be a bit more optimistic than most normal people. That's just what i'm told.

I'm trying to learn more about myself, with each passing day too. Causse i think, if i don't know myself really well, how can anyone else? I just have to find a way to stop being misinterpreted. That's what gets me, I really don't have bad intentions all that often (unless i'm driving, i do have a tish bit of road rage, but doubt i'd ever act on it). And i know, that's warm and fuzzy for some people to hear but they won't buy it. I don't think that just because most of the world isn't trust worthy we should judge everyone by the same measure.

That is actually one of my pet peeves, that people can be judged all by the same reference point. It cannot be done! God made us as individuals! People tend to judge all people the same, and i've been getting a little annoyed with that.

Like just because i'm in high school doesn't mean i'm some ignorant teen, although i'm sure in some ways i am. But i'd like to think i'm a little more mature than that. It also doesn't make me an idiot, or any less of a person. In approximately a month, i will be a high school grad and have 2 years of college done, so then what does that say about me?

Hence why i avoid, at all costs, telling people my age and my grade etc. It's not worth it cause it seems that i loose respect the minute they find out.

Anyways, the original reason i wrote this was to set the record straight, i am in no way shape or form a pessimist and would like to inform all that i just need to vent via a blog. So here i find myself.