Christian culture has a lot of holes in its theories and practices. Lots of things are pulled out of thin air and placed as doctrine of the faith, without true foundation. Relationships are messy, and while you'd think that people who have Christ as their example would know how to do relationship well -- we often suck at it.
From the start early last spring of my recent relationship, I was told from about a million angles "guard your heart" (which is completely taken out of context, if you ask me). It was well-meaning, but felt ignorant and fear-driven. Now, here we are, at the end of this relationship as we know it. A relatively amicable end, painful nonetheless - or rather more painful because of that fact. One of the first things I said amidst a wave of tears and sniffles was, "I love you", another via text in the aftermath being, "Worth it."
Apparently we (the Church, not Shawn and I) are fearful of the repercussions of love. I sort of ran into this relationship with abandon. And after nearly crying myself dry over it, I still can't find in me regret. There is pain, certainly, as to why after investing months and months, hours and hours of conversation and driving, why would it all be for naught? To love and let go, that pain is very real.
While this was my first romantic relationship, this isn't my first rodeo. I have loved deeply and let go a few times before in my life, usually far less mutually. Okay...not at all mutually. It's always painful. In those other situations, immediately I viewed the history of each relationship in a painful way, a sort of regret. And this one, while it's painful I have no regret for opening my heart up to someone who absolutely deserved my love.
I kind of wish everyone would just quit with that line - guard your heart. Okay, maybe not everybody can handle loving only for a time - hell, I can barely handle it... Maybe some people need to be told to guard their hearts and be careful what they give away. But I consider it an honor to have loved that man for these months. Sure, like any relationship it had its hardships, but that doesn't mean I would rather have gone without. Even now, with it so painful.
I think that's what we ought to be hitting people with: the idea that we can love with abandon and yet open-handed. That if Jesus is our example and our supply, we can love well, without worrying that we're giving something away that we can't get back and that that's bad. That's a lie straight from the enemy! I'm not recommending serial daters, but can we stop being so afraid that loving someone will break us beyond belief? Instead, can we lean into the idea that loving someone even when it might hurt later because of parting, -- that that is really just a way to love someone like Jesus? Not with self-preservation in mind (and again, I'm not advocating for riding out abusive situations, or throwing boundaries to the wind, certainly don't do that!), but with fullness.
I think if I didn't love fully, and let myself into this relationship fully, then it would have been futile. But because I did, I don't regret it. I have no regret for not treating my heart like something this man had no shot at. Even though such vulnerability proved painful, as it wasn't fruitful in the way we'd hoped, that doesn't mean that him or I have yet fully seen what fruit was there. We loved openly, quickly, and I'm certain that was exactly as it was meant to be.
My dating advice won't consist of "Guard Your Heart", but instead two other words of God: "Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight," and "Love your neighbor."
And it might hurt, but it's probably worth it.
