I've been in a very contemplative mood lately. I'm working on this new thing where i figure out my thoughts so that i don't get tangled up in them. We'll see how that pans out. It's really an interesting theory that i can't say i've practiced thoroughly before in my life.
Honesty hasn't been a problem, i'm fairly good at being honest with myself when it is needed. Most people, follow their emotions and let them lead their lives. I'm trying to change that part of me too i guess. Just sorting out my thoughts before i take the next step, we don't really think about it that way but we should. We just keep walking, - maybe - until we've gone somewhere we don't want to go. We don't watch our next step, we rarely look ahead to see where we are going or how far away it is. Sometimes, i feel like, if i had known, if i had looked up -to see how far off it was, how impossible it was, what it would take- i would have given up. And in some cases that would have been good. But other times, if you want something enough, you could go miles and it would seem like nothing, all because it's worth it, and it's certain. Certainty is something i'm struggling with too. I guess that goes hand in hand with sorting out my thoughts. I want to be certain of my thoughts before i start new ones; I want to know my foot is planted on firm ground before i lift the other to take another step.
It's funny that i would use the walking analogy because yesterday i was walking in Minneapolis, not watching where i was going and i tripped on a huge unlevel part of the sidewalk. I fell on my palms and scrapped my right knee, leaving a new hole in my old jeans. At first, i cursed a lot and loudly, then i realized the hilarity of the situation and laughed as I walked to my car.
It's odd because that's sort of how life works. It's painful at the time; it hurts a lot. You realize how stupid you were for making that mistake, taking that route, not watching your feet. Just like my hands hurt after they were scraped on the concrete: they stung the whole drive home. And that, for you, is life.
