Good Things Come

...To those who wait.

I went into this last season of job search, still a little stunned but with my quivering voice declaring, "God will make something of this; He's got me." Key word here: quivering. I was by no means perfect in my understanding of what was happening, or in my belief that God provides.

I heard an insightful teaching from a pastor recently on Abraham. He talked about how often Abe failed at trusting God. God would give him a promise, then there would be what he called a test; an opportunity where he could believe God was good for His word or try to do his own thing. Usually there'd be a do over, and Abraham would get it - the second time, that is.

There are plenty of instances of that in my life for which I could relate to Abraham, and this is one. I learned before about unemployment and God lining something up in the clutch, even having a more extended period of several months of searching. This time however, not wanting the something to be just something, I took my time and did my best to remember to breathe. I had to cut the lines of the proverbial safety net that was a concrete job offer to do something I could do (but why would I learn accounting), and effectively come to the decision that it was worth going after the kind of something that I really wanted.

It has been so refreshing to come on board in an environment that seeks to bring justice and mercy, and to spread the gospel. It's a place where everyone is welcoming and agrees to provide a safe workplace - a majority of who raise their salaries through support. I have a job where I'm encouraged and given space to learn more about issues I have wanted to. My supervisor asked my opinion, and genuinely wanted it. My first week, we invited the holy spirit into our communications meeting! It's been a two weeks full of information, preparation, and a lot of processing, but I'm excited to be exactly where I am.

[This was mostly written at the end of my first week at Cru Inner City.]

All Things for a Season

One of my favorite pieces of wisdom from the Bible is in the lovely book of Ecclesiastes. I think whether or not you believe in God, a higher power, or nothing, there is great truth in that book. Much of it focuses on the idea that everything is meaningless. At first, that's an offensive notion, but the more you sit with it, the more its truth resonates. It also has a famous part that says there is a time for everything and a season for every activity. I have found a lot of peace in my life with my own adaptation, which if you know me well you have probably heard me say, "all things for a season."

This past weekend I heard a really freeing teaching along those lines. The man was talking about how there are passages in the Bible that refer to us being like eagles. (And again, maybe you don't necessarily care what the Bible has to say, regardless I still find it to be relevant to humans.) The concept surrounded how mother eagles ween their babies from the nest; the formative safe place. Apparently, they do this proverbial ripping off of the blankets in which they hover over the nest and create a windstorm with their wings. This allows the down feathers of the eaglets to be fanned away, preparing them for flight. The feathers were there to help the growing creatures for a time, but they served their purpose and were no longer needed for the next stages of their lives.

The teacher said this is often like things or people in our lives. There may be things we thought would always be there, but the reality is that they would not. This isn't to say that all things inevitably will leave our lives, but rather that not all things are as essential to our progression as we might perceive in the height of their presence in our lives.

What an ultimate relief this was to me. See, I have a basic affection for many people; most people, but there are certain people who get closer. Best friends, family, friends that are like family - and I know it's not unique to me, most people are this way. It's the inner circle, so to speak. I tend to be loyal to a fault, heart-wise. While admittedly my actions or choices don't always follow suit with said loyalty, my heart firmly plants its feet in trenches; immovable. So when those relationships dissolve or fall away, I continue to question what I could have done differently to salvage it, or if there's any feasible way to reconcile.

I don't mean to say I have found an excuse for cutting ties, as that is not something I recommend lightly, but most of the relationships that have left my life involved some sort of toxicity that even still in hindsight was irreparable. I usually feel the pang for those relationships gone-by due to a reminder of the times that were good. There were things I learned in those relationships that I am very thankful for knowing, in some cases even the pain, but I need to be reminded it was okay to let go; it needed to be let go. It is okay to have had something for its time, to mourn it when it's gone, but then to keep moving forward.

This revelation even helped me to hold more loosely to the relationships and things in my life now. Where there has been pain in things or relationships not going the way that I want, I can ease up clinging to my ideals. I am slowly learning that not everything is forever, rather all things for a season.