Yesterday I was feeling daunted by the weight of what it's like to be in your late twenties. To put it succinctly, it's quite lonely.
Now is that time when friends are getting married, having kids, constantly doing something... And I'm constantly doing things. Suddenly the social access of your early twenties and emerging adulthood dries up. There are days, weeks, or even months between meaningful time spent. Worst of all, sometimes when you really feel like you need someone, there's nowhere clear to turn.
Baby Alicia didn't expect this. The social butterfly who romped around Northeast Minneapolis for the better half of this decade didn't know the gears would shift so dramatically. The dreaded activity of penciling or being penciled in would become the norm, particularly booking out weeks in advance and struggling to find a common free day. As for the here and now, as a single late-twenty- or thirty-something, it can feel very lonely.
Married friends fill their needs through their partners, and parent friends have so much more to do than me I can't begin to comprehend how anyone manages, let alone has energy for a social life! Another single friend and I were recently talking about the strange distancing one can feel from their family at this stage of life, as well. We agreed that growing into your own person can feel at odds with your family of origin.
All of this isn't a new thought or idea, in fact I've probably written about it before, however, each time I encounter a small bit of grief over this stage of life, I wonder if it's normal. Is this how things have always been for all people in this stage of life, – mostly exhausting? Sure, some of my own personal experience has to do with leaving the Church and the sense of security provided by faith.
That only further reminds me that sometimes I'm prone to longing for answers I will never get. I want to turn things around and around until I understand to a satisfactory level. The last few years of growing up even more, they're hard for me to understand.
I started to feel a sense of independence throughout my twenties; being established in myself. I didn't know how isolating it would feel down the road, that the tough times would be mine to deal with alone.
Maybe it will be different like I hear it is when I cross that threshold into my thirties. The storms will have weathered me, but my rootedness will have withstood the test. Maybe.
