There's an aching tightness in my chest,
And I can't seem to find rest,
Closed eyes, deep breaths,
Each hour full of minute deaths,
Must I die to all my dreams,
Is this the only way?
-It seems,
To get through another broken day,
At the end of which there's nothing to say,
But just lay my head down,
And try not to drown,
In the swirling sea of worries,
That thrashes over my head,
A sudden flash of lightning dread,
I toss and turn,
For a peace,
I yearn,
But none befalls me,
Only fate unknown,
Beckons and calls me.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Ok
What kind of things get lost,
When friendship becomes the cost,
From one thing to the next,
It's all been indexed,
From most important to least,
At the bottom is love that's decreased,
And how did this,
Fall into the wrong hands,
And how can we,
Know where any of this stands,
In the midst of a fire-fight,
We'll never tell who's right,
Even if it takes all night,
Oh but to walk away,
Is like having nothing left to say,
And staring it in the face,
Silent,
Never thought,
It'd pull us apart,
When we were attached at the heart,
Or maybe I was deceived,
And you were relieved,
Cause ain't that the way it goes?
One side stops loving,
A while before it shows,
When you had no one else,
I was there,
But now it seems that you just don't care,
And so I'll walk away,
Walk away,
And hope someday,
My heart will heal,
So that I may feel,
Ok.
When friendship becomes the cost,
From one thing to the next,
It's all been indexed,
From most important to least,
At the bottom is love that's decreased,
And how did this,
Fall into the wrong hands,
And how can we,
Know where any of this stands,
In the midst of a fire-fight,
We'll never tell who's right,
Even if it takes all night,
Oh but to walk away,
Is like having nothing left to say,
And staring it in the face,
Silent,
Never thought,
It'd pull us apart,
When we were attached at the heart,
Or maybe I was deceived,
And you were relieved,
Cause ain't that the way it goes?
One side stops loving,
A while before it shows,
When you had no one else,
I was there,
But now it seems that you just don't care,
And so I'll walk away,
Walk away,
And hope someday,
My heart will heal,
So that I may feel,
Ok.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Pieces
I hate myself for it,
It's my own brand of failure,
How can I ignore it?
I'm stuck here thinking,
What do I do now,
And is there any way,
That I can fix things,
And How?
Disappointment and regret overtake me,
Who knew something so simple could break me,
What does this mean now,
For the future,
Is there such thing as a broken life suture?
I'm not the type to give up,
But when the road is blocked,
Is there any way to feel but rocked?
It's my own brand of failure,
How can I ignore it?
I'm stuck here thinking,
What do I do now,
And is there any way,
That I can fix things,
And How?
Disappointment and regret overtake me,
Who knew something so simple could break me,
What does this mean now,
For the future,
Is there such thing as a broken life suture?
I'm not the type to give up,
But when the road is blocked,
Is there any way to feel but rocked?
Monday, December 21, 2009
Surviving the Fire
So funny story:
Today, I was at my favorite Dunn Brothers, killing time because I went to church, and wanted to go to the 7pm service they have once a month, as well. I didn't want to drive all the way home, so I just sat there and journaled, and had approximately 5 cups of coffee, and 5 potty breaks.
When I was getting a refill, the guys working there were talking about Nebuchadnezzar. The one asked me if I knew the story, I said kind of and that I should. I asked why they were talking about him, and he said "You know, the Matrix." Not the Nebuchadnezzar I was thinking of, which I told them. He then said, it's a biblical story too. So I asked him if he knew what happened in it, because I couldn't for the life of me remember. He said all he remembered was "it was all fire and brimstone."
Naturally, with time to kill, I googled Nebuchadnezzar. I found which chapters of the bible his story was featured in, and then went to biblegateway.com. I read it, it was the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (spellings, probably incorrect). I felt dumb for forgetting this, and kind of skimmed the story, because I remembered the essence of it. Particularly, I caught this line:
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us..." Daniel 3:17
That was that. I just felt stupid for forgetting one of those stories you learn a billion times in sunday school, - practically every other week, what kind of former-Lutheran am I?
Then, at 7pm, I went to Breakthrough. The worship service. At the end, there's this kind of open prayer time. And there were only a total of 9 of us there, including 1 sound person, 5 worship band members, and the 3 rest of us. The only guy of us audience members, so to speak, brought up the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He said it was something from his devotional this week, and that it might apply to someone else.
He talked about how they say even if God were not to save them, they would still follow His will and go into the fire, not bow to the idol.
While he was talking about it, I was half-listening, and the other half thinking about how strange it was that I looked up that story today. Some story, I should've already known, hadn't read in years, probably, and then things just lined up.
Then I thought about how much of a parallel that story was to my life this year. This year has had the most challenges I have faced yet. This year has been unbelievably difficult; threw me things I did not expect, and probably would've hid from had I known they were to come.
I faced so much fire this year, and walked through it all trying to pursue God even though more often than not, things were difficult. Less than what the guy was talking about in the men being faithful to God, for me it was more of a realization of how faithful God was to me! How when the world and people in it failed me repeatedly, God didn't; He was the only thing I had to lean on.
Now, looking at the remnants of this year, I see how faithful God has been to me. How He helped me through all that fire.
This may seem cheesy, and all too narrative and thought out, but really, it was like a revelation for me. It made all that pain seem not for waste. Not to mention trust in God's goodness, strengthened.
Simply because of king with a goofy and difficult-to-spell name.
Today, I was at my favorite Dunn Brothers, killing time because I went to church, and wanted to go to the 7pm service they have once a month, as well. I didn't want to drive all the way home, so I just sat there and journaled, and had approximately 5 cups of coffee, and 5 potty breaks.
When I was getting a refill, the guys working there were talking about Nebuchadnezzar. The one asked me if I knew the story, I said kind of and that I should. I asked why they were talking about him, and he said "You know, the Matrix." Not the Nebuchadnezzar I was thinking of, which I told them. He then said, it's a biblical story too. So I asked him if he knew what happened in it, because I couldn't for the life of me remember. He said all he remembered was "it was all fire and brimstone."
Naturally, with time to kill, I googled Nebuchadnezzar. I found which chapters of the bible his story was featured in, and then went to biblegateway.com. I read it, it was the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (spellings, probably incorrect). I felt dumb for forgetting this, and kind of skimmed the story, because I remembered the essence of it. Particularly, I caught this line:
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us..." Daniel 3:17
That was that. I just felt stupid for forgetting one of those stories you learn a billion times in sunday school, - practically every other week, what kind of former-Lutheran am I?
Then, at 7pm, I went to Breakthrough. The worship service. At the end, there's this kind of open prayer time. And there were only a total of 9 of us there, including 1 sound person, 5 worship band members, and the 3 rest of us. The only guy of us audience members, so to speak, brought up the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He said it was something from his devotional this week, and that it might apply to someone else.
He talked about how they say even if God were not to save them, they would still follow His will and go into the fire, not bow to the idol.
While he was talking about it, I was half-listening, and the other half thinking about how strange it was that I looked up that story today. Some story, I should've already known, hadn't read in years, probably, and then things just lined up.
Then I thought about how much of a parallel that story was to my life this year. This year has had the most challenges I have faced yet. This year has been unbelievably difficult; threw me things I did not expect, and probably would've hid from had I known they were to come.
I faced so much fire this year, and walked through it all trying to pursue God even though more often than not, things were difficult. Less than what the guy was talking about in the men being faithful to God, for me it was more of a realization of how faithful God was to me! How when the world and people in it failed me repeatedly, God didn't; He was the only thing I had to lean on.
Now, looking at the remnants of this year, I see how faithful God has been to me. How He helped me through all that fire.
This may seem cheesy, and all too narrative and thought out, but really, it was like a revelation for me. It made all that pain seem not for waste. Not to mention trust in God's goodness, strengthened.
Simply because of king with a goofy and difficult-to-spell name.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
We are now preparing to switch to auto-pilot...
I feel as of late, and well all the time, as if I've forgotten how to write. I'd say one out of every 7 blog posts I truly like (not including poems, those are a whole different bird).
It's probably just that end of the semester thing where my brain shuts down and I run on an auto-pilot...one of my favorite times of year! (sarcasm; though I like being done with school, I don't like when my brain seems to give up, haha).
It is however, entertaining at times, when I say or do stupid things. That part, I do and do not like. Haha. Usually, upon the first occurrence of some weird thing, I'm horrified, a couple weeks later, I'm laughing it off. It's kind of the way to go, the only way to really make it through life and all the stupid things that happen: laugh about it.
Well, I had to warm myself up to journal, and then I've got some studying to do. Biology, it's going down!!
It's probably just that end of the semester thing where my brain shuts down and I run on an auto-pilot...one of my favorite times of year! (sarcasm; though I like being done with school, I don't like when my brain seems to give up, haha).
It is however, entertaining at times, when I say or do stupid things. That part, I do and do not like. Haha. Usually, upon the first occurrence of some weird thing, I'm horrified, a couple weeks later, I'm laughing it off. It's kind of the way to go, the only way to really make it through life and all the stupid things that happen: laugh about it.
Well, I had to warm myself up to journal, and then I've got some studying to do. Biology, it's going down!!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Just Cuz You Think It, Don't Make It So
This is me taking a stab at music-blogging. I feel like I'm always behind the curve when it comes to what's new and excellent, and so I've been hesitant to do anything like this, but I figure why not just blog about music I like. In Diffusion of Innovation, I am in the early majority, or maybe an early adopter.
At any rate. I am going to attempt this, and maybe form it into a blog.
The Current: My Top 10 Songs Enjoyed, As of Recent
[DISCLAIMER: THE SONGS AREN'T ALL RECENT SONGS, JUST RECENT TOP PLAYS]
1. The Rumble Strips "Girls & Boys in Love"; this tune is pretty irresistible! it's up-beat, even for someone that's single, this song acts as does chocolate; to mimick the euphoria of love.
2. Band of Horses "I Go to the Barn Because I Like The..."; First off, love everything they do. I want to put all their songs on here. Second, this song has a sweet quality about it; a tenderness. Kind of that secret language that couples have, and when they reminisce about their past together, and it kind of makes you sick but you like it...that.
3. Anya Marina "Whatever You Like (cover)"; Not gonna lie, this is a guilty pleasure. I especially like the irony of a woman singing this, and Anya's voice has a sweet quality that adds to the strange wonder of it all. If nothing else, YouTube it.
4. Jose Gonzalez "Down the Line"; the rhythm really emphasizes the element of the impending passage of time, this song is both one you can tap your foot to and fall asleep to. Not to mention lyrics! It's a little repetitive, but that's about the only complaint to be made here.
5. Led Zeppelin "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You"; hello, amazing song. This song just really gets me going, the guitar...Ugh! Love it. I can definitely be found jamming to this song in my car throughout the metro area, on just about any day that ends in 'y'.
6. Fleet Foxes "Drops in the River"; nothing much to say, but I like this song, after being a little unsure about the Foxes, and now I'm completely intrigued.
7. Beirut "Postcards From Italy"; Here's another cheery little ditty for ya, but this one goes about it in a completely different way than the Strips do w/ "girls and boys". This one has a more nostalgic approach to love, yet it's hopeful. It has more of a notion of continuation, rather than infatuation. Also: ukelele.
8. Rogue Wave "Lake Michigan"; This song has attitude, without being rude. It's blunt, but in such a mesmerizing way that you can't mind. It's also rumored to be an homage to Pink Floyd's "money".
9. Norm Greenbaum "Spirit in the Sky"; the guitar in this song, mmm-mmm! I don't think I will ever stop loving this song. Perfect, classic '69 rock. I can definitely flip this onto repeat for a couple goes.
10. Brand New "Jesus Christ"; this song, though it has a pretty mainstream rock sound (reminds me a lot of Blue October), the music part is not that different to me, but I was really impressed by the lyrics. They seem really well thought out, and the seemingly not extraordinary music blends really well with the words to make an excellent song!
So that's me giving it a shot, I kind of don't care as much about the correctness, etc. of my blogs. So if you don't like what I thought, too bad (though it IS late at night); if you like having the opportunity to read what I thought, let me know!
At any rate. I am going to attempt this, and maybe form it into a blog.
The Current: My Top 10 Songs Enjoyed, As of Recent
[DISCLAIMER: THE SONGS AREN'T ALL RECENT SONGS, JUST RECENT TOP PLAYS]
1. The Rumble Strips "Girls & Boys in Love"; this tune is pretty irresistible! it's up-beat, even for someone that's single, this song acts as does chocolate; to mimick the euphoria of love.
2. Band of Horses "I Go to the Barn Because I Like The..."; First off, love everything they do. I want to put all their songs on here. Second, this song has a sweet quality about it; a tenderness. Kind of that secret language that couples have, and when they reminisce about their past together, and it kind of makes you sick but you like it...that.
3. Anya Marina "Whatever You Like (cover)"; Not gonna lie, this is a guilty pleasure. I especially like the irony of a woman singing this, and Anya's voice has a sweet quality that adds to the strange wonder of it all. If nothing else, YouTube it.
4. Jose Gonzalez "Down the Line"; the rhythm really emphasizes the element of the impending passage of time, this song is both one you can tap your foot to and fall asleep to. Not to mention lyrics! It's a little repetitive, but that's about the only complaint to be made here.
5. Led Zeppelin "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You"; hello, amazing song. This song just really gets me going, the guitar...Ugh! Love it. I can definitely be found jamming to this song in my car throughout the metro area, on just about any day that ends in 'y'.
6. Fleet Foxes "Drops in the River"; nothing much to say, but I like this song, after being a little unsure about the Foxes, and now I'm completely intrigued.
7. Beirut "Postcards From Italy"; Here's another cheery little ditty for ya, but this one goes about it in a completely different way than the Strips do w/ "girls and boys". This one has a more nostalgic approach to love, yet it's hopeful. It has more of a notion of continuation, rather than infatuation. Also: ukelele.
8. Rogue Wave "Lake Michigan"; This song has attitude, without being rude. It's blunt, but in such a mesmerizing way that you can't mind. It's also rumored to be an homage to Pink Floyd's "money".
9. Norm Greenbaum "Spirit in the Sky"; the guitar in this song, mmm-mmm! I don't think I will ever stop loving this song. Perfect, classic '69 rock. I can definitely flip this onto repeat for a couple goes.
10. Brand New "Jesus Christ"; this song, though it has a pretty mainstream rock sound (reminds me a lot of Blue October), the music part is not that different to me, but I was really impressed by the lyrics. They seem really well thought out, and the seemingly not extraordinary music blends really well with the words to make an excellent song!
So that's me giving it a shot, I kind of don't care as much about the correctness, etc. of my blogs. So if you don't like what I thought, too bad (though it IS late at night); if you like having the opportunity to read what I thought, let me know!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Pandora is Rockin' It!
I am on an EXCELLENT streak on Pandora. I have never been quite so pleased with that site. The station is one I only created the other day, because I've been so content with my music that I haven't been using Pandora; Band of Horses.
I'm turning in my big projects of the semester today; I'm so happy I could poo.
I have coffee breath. I drank it straight today, and it was only luke-warm because it was so frigid out this morning! I think that's the only reason I'm as functional right now as I am.
I got a whole hour and 45 minutes of sleep this morning. I won't even say last night, because that'd be a lie. Last night was purely spent doing one project that I attempted to begin a week ago, but the pressure of deadline is apparently what gets me to actually do something of substance. I'll make a good journalist, I think.
I am only just finishing transcribing my notes from my interview. I just finished the actual interview, now i'm doing the other people I interview. I had fun doing this, I was really nervous about it, but now I feel more confident. Already. I went to a swanky event last night as part of my reporting, and several people mistook me for an actual journalist which I found (somewhat laughable as well as) exciting.
Off to turn in that project! I am so relieved to be rid of it. I have to get a 58% on it to get a B in the class...I think that's doable.
I'm turning in my big projects of the semester today; I'm so happy I could poo.
I have coffee breath. I drank it straight today, and it was only luke-warm because it was so frigid out this morning! I think that's the only reason I'm as functional right now as I am.
I got a whole hour and 45 minutes of sleep this morning. I won't even say last night, because that'd be a lie. Last night was purely spent doing one project that I attempted to begin a week ago, but the pressure of deadline is apparently what gets me to actually do something of substance. I'll make a good journalist, I think.
I am only just finishing transcribing my notes from my interview. I just finished the actual interview, now i'm doing the other people I interview. I had fun doing this, I was really nervous about it, but now I feel more confident. Already. I went to a swanky event last night as part of my reporting, and several people mistook me for an actual journalist which I found (somewhat laughable as well as) exciting.
Off to turn in that project! I am so relieved to be rid of it. I have to get a 58% on it to get a B in the class...I think that's doable.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
The Minne-snow-ta Secret
Ughhh...the thing about snow and Minnesotans is we try to seem like it's nothing; we say "you just have to live here to understand", or my favorite "it's not that bad". These are lies told to foreigners (of Minnesota, that is) to lead them to believe that Minnesotans have some extra-thick layer of skin to keep them warm, or some kind of insiders' secret.
I'm here to tell you that is not true. We say things like this, and act as if there is some big Minnesota secret as to how to survive a winter here, when in reality that is in itself the big secret. The way Minnesotans survive is to pretend like it doesn't affect us:
-Getting up each day 15 minutes early for the combined efforts of warming up and wiping off the car, not to mention the traffic that ensues.
-You can't see the lanes on any given road or freeway, which throws off the North Dakotans and Iowans even more than the fact that people here usually go the speed limit, and not minimum.
-Or that one can really only dress for practicality during these tough months,
-Or that on some days it doesn't matter what direction you're walking, you're inevitably facing a headwind full of snow.
That is just the beginning of the list, and you probably thought of something you'd want to add to it.
Let's stop lying to ourselves and each other; we all know that deep down, when you're stuck somewhere outdoors for five minutes or more during a good Minnesota snow fall, it's miserable. And that's when you mutter to yourself, "I hate Minnesota", right before feeling like a traitor. Don't.
Now that the truth is out, we can live in harmony with immigrants from other states and countries. We can stop spreading the lie that it's not that bad, or that we enjoy it.
It's nice to look at, but not always enjoyable to be in, but that's just the opinion of someone born and raised.
I'm here to tell you that is not true. We say things like this, and act as if there is some big Minnesota secret as to how to survive a winter here, when in reality that is in itself the big secret. The way Minnesotans survive is to pretend like it doesn't affect us:
-Getting up each day 15 minutes early for the combined efforts of warming up and wiping off the car, not to mention the traffic that ensues.
-You can't see the lanes on any given road or freeway, which throws off the North Dakotans and Iowans even more than the fact that people here usually go the speed limit, and not minimum.
-Or that one can really only dress for practicality during these tough months,
-Or that on some days it doesn't matter what direction you're walking, you're inevitably facing a headwind full of snow.
That is just the beginning of the list, and you probably thought of something you'd want to add to it.
Let's stop lying to ourselves and each other; we all know that deep down, when you're stuck somewhere outdoors for five minutes or more during a good Minnesota snow fall, it's miserable. And that's when you mutter to yourself, "I hate Minnesota", right before feeling like a traitor. Don't.
Now that the truth is out, we can live in harmony with immigrants from other states and countries. We can stop spreading the lie that it's not that bad, or that we enjoy it.
It's nice to look at, but not always enjoyable to be in, but that's just the opinion of someone born and raised.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Craze-zayyyyyyyy!
Mmm, I have one of those microwave heat-wrap things resting on my shoulders right now. I am in sweat pants, ready to just crash. Today seemed short, except for French. French always seems long. I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened in the second hour of it.
My second class was canceled, so I walked down to starbucks and chilled out for a while, did absolutely nothing.
Combed through the Daily a bit. It was interesting, they always have 3 columns in the ed/op section. One of them was about Middle Eastern stability (which I did not read), and the others were about swinging (yes, as in couples being up-front about their cheating) and a legal mind-altering drug that many states are attempting to prohibit.
What is this paper coming to? I was a little annoyed, because I'll be frank here: when I finished reading the article about the drug, I thought "hmmm, if it's legal, and you can buy it in Dinkytown...wait a minute!" And that's all this school needs.
Anyways, despite having a big gap between classes, French still felt eternal. Then I sat at Dunn Bros reading the OTHER paper for like 2 hours, as well as doing some french homework. Possibly zoning out, I catch myself doing that more often than I'm aware. Not good. Especially if I'm humming to myself.
Ahh, so I am so ready for bed. And it's 11PM, that hasn't happened on its own in...a long, long time. I think I'm going to embrace it, then go take a stupid library course at the U. Stupid Info For Mass Comm is eating away at my life. YUCK!
My second class was canceled, so I walked down to starbucks and chilled out for a while, did absolutely nothing.
Combed through the Daily a bit. It was interesting, they always have 3 columns in the ed/op section. One of them was about Middle Eastern stability (which I did not read), and the others were about swinging (yes, as in couples being up-front about their cheating) and a legal mind-altering drug that many states are attempting to prohibit.
What is this paper coming to? I was a little annoyed, because I'll be frank here: when I finished reading the article about the drug, I thought "hmmm, if it's legal, and you can buy it in Dinkytown...wait a minute!" And that's all this school needs.
Anyways, despite having a big gap between classes, French still felt eternal. Then I sat at Dunn Bros reading the OTHER paper for like 2 hours, as well as doing some french homework. Possibly zoning out, I catch myself doing that more often than I'm aware. Not good. Especially if I'm humming to myself.
Ahh, so I am so ready for bed. And it's 11PM, that hasn't happened on its own in...a long, long time. I think I'm going to embrace it, then go take a stupid library course at the U. Stupid Info For Mass Comm is eating away at my life. YUCK!
Friday, December 04, 2009
Friday Afternoon Rant w/ Coffee
Ahh, this is Friday. It is a great day. Minus the fact that it's a mere week until my two biggest projects are due. And then only a week from that that all but one of my finals will be done.
That aside, today is a good day!
It's been flurrying all morning, and just the right kind. They're slightly bigger flakes that just seem to float magically around like dust.
I have a nice tasty cup of joe right now, two newspapers, my jacket over my shoulders to keep me warm. Good stuff.
I'm a little OCD about how I fold my newspaper. I don't like it to get complicated; nice, smooth clean folds.
I love that if I come in here, I know most of the people working, or they at least recognize me. And that if I come in here, I will inevitably run into someone I know who happens to be having coffee here. Sometimes it is an off-duty worker, haha. The only place I don't mind running into people I know, is a coffee shop. Usually I think it's horribly awkward otherwise, I don't know why that is...
My favorite little old man came in. Haha, that just goes to show how much too often I'm here. There's this cute little old man that comes in, gets a regular coffee, and reads the paper, while people watching. He probably doesn't think anyone notices, but I do while I intermittently do homework. I usually sit across from him on fridays. I appreciate people who read the paper. I also appreciate cute little old men who like their coffee routine.
It's still flurrying...
I'm so cold, my body is just tingling all over. I've recently come to the conclusion that I have bad circulation. My hands are always cold! It's annoying. Except if I get to say to someone, "wow, my hands are cold, see?" and then touch their arm or face. haha, it's evil, I know but it's one of the few mean things I actually take a bit of pleasure in. At least for a second, until they get really offended.
Wow, I can really talk about anything...for any given amount of time. If I wasn't afraid of speaking to groups, I'd probably rock at Toast Master's. If you can B.S. a biology quiz answer, you can B.S. a speech to a group of people.
Well, I'm off to scan my second newspaper, then head to News Reporting & Writing (my favorite class), for which by the way, I will be interviewing a gubernatorial candidate. Boo-ya, end o' semester confidence I probably shouldn't have.
Love the tunes here: "soul meets body". This place makes starbucks look like an urban wannabe joke.
I'm done, I swear.
That aside, today is a good day!
It's been flurrying all morning, and just the right kind. They're slightly bigger flakes that just seem to float magically around like dust.
I have a nice tasty cup of joe right now, two newspapers, my jacket over my shoulders to keep me warm. Good stuff.
I'm a little OCD about how I fold my newspaper. I don't like it to get complicated; nice, smooth clean folds.
I love that if I come in here, I know most of the people working, or they at least recognize me. And that if I come in here, I will inevitably run into someone I know who happens to be having coffee here. Sometimes it is an off-duty worker, haha. The only place I don't mind running into people I know, is a coffee shop. Usually I think it's horribly awkward otherwise, I don't know why that is...
My favorite little old man came in. Haha, that just goes to show how much too often I'm here. There's this cute little old man that comes in, gets a regular coffee, and reads the paper, while people watching. He probably doesn't think anyone notices, but I do while I intermittently do homework. I usually sit across from him on fridays. I appreciate people who read the paper. I also appreciate cute little old men who like their coffee routine.
It's still flurrying...
I'm so cold, my body is just tingling all over. I've recently come to the conclusion that I have bad circulation. My hands are always cold! It's annoying. Except if I get to say to someone, "wow, my hands are cold, see?" and then touch their arm or face. haha, it's evil, I know but it's one of the few mean things I actually take a bit of pleasure in. At least for a second, until they get really offended.
Wow, I can really talk about anything...for any given amount of time. If I wasn't afraid of speaking to groups, I'd probably rock at Toast Master's. If you can B.S. a biology quiz answer, you can B.S. a speech to a group of people.
Well, I'm off to scan my second newspaper, then head to News Reporting & Writing (my favorite class), for which by the way, I will be interviewing a gubernatorial candidate. Boo-ya, end o' semester confidence I probably shouldn't have.
Love the tunes here: "soul meets body". This place makes starbucks look like an urban wannabe joke.
I'm done, I swear.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
This Is Such a Strange/Stupid Day
Today sucked. It was like being metaphorically constipated, and not in the brain...just one of those strange days gone wrong that you can't quite explain.
So I'll focus on the gleaming good moments, those being:
- Eating a potent clementine in class. I put the peels on a specially torn out piece of The Daily. My hands smelled like clementine rinds for the rest of the day. That part, not so fun.
- Stupidly answering "ORGAN?" (like the instrument) in french class kind of loud...ok, loud. Luckily, I not only can be embarrassed but very amused at this.
- Getting cream cheese wontons on the way home from bio, and seeing my 1970's volvo wagon -dream car!- driving pal, Barney! Who I wouldn't have seen if not for going back to dinkytown to get wontons. Pagoda.
- And that someone else noticed "the smell". Hahaha...so very much made my day. Slightly mean, but I thought it was all in my head.
Even though it was difficult a sigh of relief is in order, for there is yet tomorrow, which I've made a little easier on myself...and tomorrow will lead further, and that will lead to the end of this RIDICULOUS semester.
Talli-ho!
So I'll focus on the gleaming good moments, those being:
- Eating a potent clementine in class. I put the peels on a specially torn out piece of The Daily. My hands smelled like clementine rinds for the rest of the day. That part, not so fun.
- Stupidly answering "ORGAN?" (like the instrument) in french class kind of loud...ok, loud. Luckily, I not only can be embarrassed but very amused at this.
- Getting cream cheese wontons on the way home from bio, and seeing my 1970's volvo wagon -dream car!- driving pal, Barney! Who I wouldn't have seen if not for going back to dinkytown to get wontons. Pagoda.
- And that someone else noticed "the smell". Hahaha...so very much made my day. Slightly mean, but I thought it was all in my head.
Even though it was difficult a sigh of relief is in order, for there is yet tomorrow, which I've made a little easier on myself...and tomorrow will lead further, and that will lead to the end of this RIDICULOUS semester.
Talli-ho!
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Unexpected
I'm guessing we're not what I thought we were,
All this time gone by,
A blur,
I never thought you'd turn away,
But then, you know what they say:
We never expect the unexpected,
And this whole thing has left me feeling disrespected,
I guess we're not what I thought we were,
And what we are I can't be sure,
I can feel we're drifting apart,
If we're meant to save it,
You say I've got to start,
But where are you when I need you,
What if I should fall?
What is any of this worth,
If I can't lean on you at all?
All this time gone by,
A blur,
I never thought you'd turn away,
But then, you know what they say:
We never expect the unexpected,
And this whole thing has left me feeling disrespected,
I guess we're not what I thought we were,
And what we are I can't be sure,
I can feel we're drifting apart,
If we're meant to save it,
You say I've got to start,
But where are you when I need you,
What if I should fall?
What is any of this worth,
If I can't lean on you at all?
Monday, November 30, 2009
He SooooooOO has asperger's...
I have nothing of substance to say or do right now...which begs the question why am I blogging? Who knows. My brain is definitely on auto-pilot. I would greatly enjoy a nap at this moment. Greatly.
I am wearing my red hat today. I was a bit weary to donne it, but once I took the plunge, I fell in love. My head is warm, and I am freezing.
I really have nothing to say. I've been drinking tons of coffee today, and not enough food. I ate enough food yesterday, at our family belated Thanksgiving.
Aspergers.
Spectacular time with my brother and his wife :) lots of good talk time. I like them, they are swell. I get repetitive about who I like. Get over it, get used to it.
Well, I think I shall sign off. Nothing interesting to say. And I WILL just babble.
I am wearing my red hat today. I was a bit weary to donne it, but once I took the plunge, I fell in love. My head is warm, and I am freezing.
I really have nothing to say. I've been drinking tons of coffee today, and not enough food. I ate enough food yesterday, at our family belated Thanksgiving.
Aspergers.
Spectacular time with my brother and his wife :) lots of good talk time. I like them, they are swell. I get repetitive about who I like. Get over it, get used to it.
Well, I think I shall sign off. Nothing interesting to say. And I WILL just babble.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
T-Day Thankfulness (may include YOU!)
I'm back on facebook! And I'm having a rather strange thanksgiving. My family hosts every year, (very rarely we'd go to my grandparents, but) I always have spent it with my family. My mom has the same nasty cold that I did about a week and a half ago.
Nonetheless, (i love that that is one word) I am thinking, as I like to each year, about what I'm thankful for. And so it begins:
-I think this year, the very first thing that comes to mind as a catchall is finding my church, Mercy Vineyard. I have met so many fantastic people through this church, and God has been doing things through me and in me non-stop since I've started going there. I went from a 1 & 1/2 year hiatus from church to not missing a sunday since January. We will probably come back to the awesome people I've met. (see second to last hyphen)
-I just found out Scrubs is doing one more season? I feel like this is only a farse, but I'm stoked about it anyways. Apparently December 1st. haha...how it got on this list...?
-I'm thankful for the experiences I've had this year. That is a really roundabout way of saying it, yes, but it's also the best way to say it. I've gone through so much horrible stupid crap this year, but I know that it(to be completely cliche here) made me who I am right at this moment. It made me learn more trust, and to be more carefree, and helped me realize even more that PEOPLE are the only things that matter in this life. Amen? Amen.
-I really love my in-laws...no, I'm not married. But I am referring to the wonderful appendages of my siblings. That is the simple way of putting it. I like them; they are great.
-New relationships of all kinds: ones that got better, even ones that have hit rough patches. I'm so thankful for them all!
-This may sound dumb, but I am amused and amazed by many simple things in life and two of them are senses:
-sight
-hearing
like I said, it sounds dumb, but I'm always thankful for music, and beauty, but I wouldn't know either of those things if not for something I take for granted on an all too regular basis.
back to less serious things...
-coffee. One of life's simple -but expensive- pleasures.
-As always, and I fear the day I'm not thankful for this, laughter. Man, I love to laugh. I love that whole other kind of peace that comes over you after a good laugh. Mmm!
from there...
-I am so utterly thankful for my best friend Sara! God has strengthened and blessed both of us, more than we would've imagined back in our sophomore year of high school, at the beginning of our friendship. Really. She is definitely amongst the greatest people I've ever known, a great example to me of a woman in Christ. I have to stop myself now or I'll rant eternally and no one will read this.
-And I am thankful for my sick mother, not the fact that she is sick, but for her. Cause when she's sick, there's no party. When she's sick, the gears stop turning. She is magnificent. And CRAZY, and I know I will be her someday...and that makes me excited to have a daughter someday, and to see more of life. She's magnificent.
-Okay, back to the people. I have met so many great people, mostly in some way through my church. Those people, there's not enough to say. They are clever, witty, creative, caring, sympathetic, (pathetic - jk), I could toss a list of great adjectives out there about these people. Pretty much, if I've tagged you in here and you go to Mercy or I met you through someone from Mercy, I am immensely thanking God for you in my life today. All of you have been great, in big and small ways, and God has definitely blessed me with knowing you. People who would invite me to their house on thanksgiving when I have no plans, and people I would gladly have invited if I were having a dinner! That is only a tiny piece of the love, right there :)
-Finally, I am thankful for grace. It's one of those things that there's not much to say about. It stands alone; speaks for itself. It is amazing alone without a bundle of words to try and make it more so.
Happy Thanksgiving 2009, everyone!!!
Nonetheless, (i love that that is one word) I am thinking, as I like to each year, about what I'm thankful for. And so it begins:
-I think this year, the very first thing that comes to mind as a catchall is finding my church, Mercy Vineyard. I have met so many fantastic people through this church, and God has been doing things through me and in me non-stop since I've started going there. I went from a 1 & 1/2 year hiatus from church to not missing a sunday since January. We will probably come back to the awesome people I've met. (see second to last hyphen)
-I just found out Scrubs is doing one more season? I feel like this is only a farse, but I'm stoked about it anyways. Apparently December 1st. haha...how it got on this list...?
-I'm thankful for the experiences I've had this year. That is a really roundabout way of saying it, yes, but it's also the best way to say it. I've gone through so much horrible stupid crap this year, but I know that it(to be completely cliche here) made me who I am right at this moment. It made me learn more trust, and to be more carefree, and helped me realize even more that PEOPLE are the only things that matter in this life. Amen? Amen.
-I really love my in-laws...no, I'm not married. But I am referring to the wonderful appendages of my siblings. That is the simple way of putting it. I like them; they are great.
-New relationships of all kinds: ones that got better, even ones that have hit rough patches. I'm so thankful for them all!
-This may sound dumb, but I am amused and amazed by many simple things in life and two of them are senses:
-sight
-hearing
like I said, it sounds dumb, but I'm always thankful for music, and beauty, but I wouldn't know either of those things if not for something I take for granted on an all too regular basis.
back to less serious things...
-coffee. One of life's simple -but expensive- pleasures.
-As always, and I fear the day I'm not thankful for this, laughter. Man, I love to laugh. I love that whole other kind of peace that comes over you after a good laugh. Mmm!
from there...
-I am so utterly thankful for my best friend Sara! God has strengthened and blessed both of us, more than we would've imagined back in our sophomore year of high school, at the beginning of our friendship. Really. She is definitely amongst the greatest people I've ever known, a great example to me of a woman in Christ. I have to stop myself now or I'll rant eternally and no one will read this.
-And I am thankful for my sick mother, not the fact that she is sick, but for her. Cause when she's sick, there's no party. When she's sick, the gears stop turning. She is magnificent. And CRAZY, and I know I will be her someday...and that makes me excited to have a daughter someday, and to see more of life. She's magnificent.
-Okay, back to the people. I have met so many great people, mostly in some way through my church. Those people, there's not enough to say. They are clever, witty, creative, caring, sympathetic, (pathetic - jk), I could toss a list of great adjectives out there about these people. Pretty much, if I've tagged you in here and you go to Mercy or I met you through someone from Mercy, I am immensely thanking God for you in my life today. All of you have been great, in big and small ways, and God has definitely blessed me with knowing you. People who would invite me to their house on thanksgiving when I have no plans, and people I would gladly have invited if I were having a dinner! That is only a tiny piece of the love, right there :)
-Finally, I am thankful for grace. It's one of those things that there's not much to say about. It stands alone; speaks for itself. It is amazing alone without a bundle of words to try and make it more so.
Happy Thanksgiving 2009, everyone!!!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Preliminary Draft of "Mind Games"
A declaration of faith,
A new step and you've lost your place,
Confusion and turmoil plague your face,
It's hard to see where you're going,
When you feel like you're blind,
It's hard to hold to the words,
That just barely bind,
Yourself to this concept that's too big to grasp,
And yet we are constantly finding questions to ask,
Too hard to accept,
And yet too easy,
"There's not a thing in this moment to please me,"
You say,
And the laughter is only to hide,
In a way,
The fear,
Of what it feels like,
To be so near,
To the edge of everything and all that matters,
If He doesn't exist than this porcelain world shatters,
If it's just a set of mind games and you're equipped to play,
Why would you forfeit and walk away?
It's difficult but worth it,
That is that once you unearth it,
The beauty of this victory is more than you can comprehend,
If you go bravely into the struggles,
The prize is worth it in the end,
It's never going to be easy,
But it's easy this way,
You're gonna have to be strong,
To get through each day.
A new step and you've lost your place,
Confusion and turmoil plague your face,
It's hard to see where you're going,
When you feel like you're blind,
It's hard to hold to the words,
That just barely bind,
Yourself to this concept that's too big to grasp,
And yet we are constantly finding questions to ask,
Too hard to accept,
And yet too easy,
"There's not a thing in this moment to please me,"
You say,
And the laughter is only to hide,
In a way,
The fear,
Of what it feels like,
To be so near,
To the edge of everything and all that matters,
If He doesn't exist than this porcelain world shatters,
If it's just a set of mind games and you're equipped to play,
Why would you forfeit and walk away?
It's difficult but worth it,
That is that once you unearth it,
The beauty of this victory is more than you can comprehend,
If you go bravely into the struggles,
The prize is worth it in the end,
It's never going to be easy,
But it's easy this way,
You're gonna have to be strong,
To get through each day.
Serenity
Sometimes all I can do is lay in my bed on back in whatever contorted position I land in there, close my eyes, and say the serenity prayer,
"God, grant me the serenity,"
I usually only get that far before I get lost in breathing, and just existing. That is one of the easiest ways I find peace, and I didn't even realize how often I go to this. I don't even usually get to the rest; the things I can and cannot change, - I just exist, and breathe. It feels beautiful.
For as passionate and intense I can be about things, those simple words as a simple, concise request have kept me level at some of the times when I really needed it. Even if it were only as a breather before jumping back in. A moment of true serenity is refreshing.
"God, grant me the serenity,"
I usually only get that far before I get lost in breathing, and just existing. That is one of the easiest ways I find peace, and I didn't even realize how often I go to this. I don't even usually get to the rest; the things I can and cannot change, - I just exist, and breathe. It feels beautiful.
For as passionate and intense I can be about things, those simple words as a simple, concise request have kept me level at some of the times when I really needed it. Even if it were only as a breather before jumping back in. A moment of true serenity is refreshing.
Monday, November 09, 2009
A Metaphor of the Mediocrity of Me
I'm blank, - I'm drawing a blank, and that just goes to show it. I'm so nervous. I'm so busy. I'm so ready to have a break!
Piping hot grilled cheese sandwich that I paid too much for. Napkins, who needs em! As I always say, that's what jeans are for!
It was gorgeous out today, just wonderful. So warm that I actually felt dehydrated all day. I just got used to cold weather, and was getting used to no jacket. Naturally today I felt faint most of the day, haha.
I'm killing time before I head to biology class. Blech! I'm scraping by, like I do in science classes...dreading the big midterm wednesday, and the big final december whenever. I'd rather just sit here and think about how much i'd love to take a nap right now, and about my yummy grilled cheese panini...and the word panini.
I miss being able to have a life, but I just want to get this stupid process over with. Maybe I could take the fall semester off. That's something that never occurred to me; "get it done soon as possible so you can move on with life," that's my mantra. I want to do other things, but I maybe made the mistake of diving into too quick, then again with my procrastination level, there's no way of telling whether i'd have even gone back after a hiatus.
Now Paris, paris sounds dang good right now...again, except for the price tag. Summer's not even worth it, it's six grand for six weeks.
I think I'm just itching to feel progressive again; I feel so stagnant right now. School, blah. Living in the suburbs, BLAH. Commuting from the SUBURBS!!, BLAHHHHHH!!
It's not that I don't like it there, it's just that I've had 18 years of it, I could handle something different again. A bit more of a challenge, a bit more exciting.
Now I'm just rambling, like I do. The trumpet playing at Dunn Bros right now sings a metaphor of the mediocrity of me. I'm going to have a nap in this most likely really dirty chair.
Piping hot grilled cheese sandwich that I paid too much for. Napkins, who needs em! As I always say, that's what jeans are for!
It was gorgeous out today, just wonderful. So warm that I actually felt dehydrated all day. I just got used to cold weather, and was getting used to no jacket. Naturally today I felt faint most of the day, haha.
I'm killing time before I head to biology class. Blech! I'm scraping by, like I do in science classes...dreading the big midterm wednesday, and the big final december whenever. I'd rather just sit here and think about how much i'd love to take a nap right now, and about my yummy grilled cheese panini...and the word panini.
I miss being able to have a life, but I just want to get this stupid process over with. Maybe I could take the fall semester off. That's something that never occurred to me; "get it done soon as possible so you can move on with life," that's my mantra. I want to do other things, but I maybe made the mistake of diving into too quick, then again with my procrastination level, there's no way of telling whether i'd have even gone back after a hiatus.
Now Paris, paris sounds dang good right now...again, except for the price tag. Summer's not even worth it, it's six grand for six weeks.
I think I'm just itching to feel progressive again; I feel so stagnant right now. School, blah. Living in the suburbs, BLAH. Commuting from the SUBURBS!!, BLAHHHHHH!!
It's not that I don't like it there, it's just that I've had 18 years of it, I could handle something different again. A bit more of a challenge, a bit more exciting.
Now I'm just rambling, like I do. The trumpet playing at Dunn Bros right now sings a metaphor of the mediocrity of me. I'm going to have a nap in this most likely really dirty chair.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
God Hath Made You Beautiful
God hath made you beautiful,
Like looming peaks and crashing seas,
As golden glowing fields of barley,
And somber swaying trees,
God hath made you lovely,
Like a singing autumn gust,
As a cherished sitting spot,
And an unwavering trust,
God hath made you divine,
Like cool rain on a once humid day,
Like finding the perfect phrase,
When you run out of things to say,
God hath made you quaint,
Like a path covered in fog so hazy,
Like walking a rose garden,
And finding a single daisy,
Yes, God hath made you beautiful,
Like a still, reflecting pond,
Shimmering and glistening,
Like an unbreakable bond.
~I wrote this for my best friends, as they are blessings from God!
Like looming peaks and crashing seas,
As golden glowing fields of barley,
And somber swaying trees,
God hath made you lovely,
Like a singing autumn gust,
As a cherished sitting spot,
And an unwavering trust,
God hath made you divine,
Like cool rain on a once humid day,
Like finding the perfect phrase,
When you run out of things to say,
God hath made you quaint,
Like a path covered in fog so hazy,
Like walking a rose garden,
And finding a single daisy,
Yes, God hath made you beautiful,
Like a still, reflecting pond,
Shimmering and glistening,
Like an unbreakable bond.
~I wrote this for my best friends, as they are blessings from God!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Another First Snowfall...
I really dislike that my community adviser from the U just sent me a very obvious template email about something. I thought it was nice when I emailed her before and she seemed very up-to-date on my academics. This email referred to me as a transfer student that might be doing poorly in a class due to being unfamiliar with the U of M and how it works. Wow. I think that's the first time being a number has bothered me...at all.
Ahh, I keep wanting to refer to every snowfall as the first snowfall...probably cause none of it has stuck. I don't want it to though. I don't mind it snowing, I just don't need to add dealing with Minnesota to my life, too haha.
I always feel like such a putz on Fridays...and yet, I wish all my school days were like my fridays. They're lazy days. I get to sit in a cafe and sip coffee all day! Can't complain about that. And then end the day with my favorite class!
I've actually been understanding biology in the last week and a half!! It's a flipping miracle. Really. I mean, maybe not because genetics confused me in high school, too, but that I can actually understand a science concept at college level...maybe I won't have to take bio over! Here's prayin'!
Hmm...what else. I guess I like the implied pause of "..." today. I've used it quite a bit.
I've bought one cup of coffee, and I've been sitting here for like 3 hours. Hahaha, I don't know if the workers care enough to be annoyed with me, or if they've even noticed. I love people watching, it's part of the reason I never get much done on my coffee fridays.
Ahh, I'm off to read the paper! Talk about great homework!
Ahh, I keep wanting to refer to every snowfall as the first snowfall...probably cause none of it has stuck. I don't want it to though. I don't mind it snowing, I just don't need to add dealing with Minnesota to my life, too haha.
I always feel like such a putz on Fridays...and yet, I wish all my school days were like my fridays. They're lazy days. I get to sit in a cafe and sip coffee all day! Can't complain about that. And then end the day with my favorite class!
I've actually been understanding biology in the last week and a half!! It's a flipping miracle. Really. I mean, maybe not because genetics confused me in high school, too, but that I can actually understand a science concept at college level...maybe I won't have to take bio over! Here's prayin'!
Hmm...what else. I guess I like the implied pause of "..." today. I've used it quite a bit.
I've bought one cup of coffee, and I've been sitting here for like 3 hours. Hahaha, I don't know if the workers care enough to be annoyed with me, or if they've even noticed. I love people watching, it's part of the reason I never get much done on my coffee fridays.
Ahh, I'm off to read the paper! Talk about great homework!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Deciding for Ourselves
It's interesting how you can be searching and searching for your purpose and passion, and once you just admit to yourself what it is, it becomes so obvious. I don't know, this might be redundant. I'll explain what I mean.
It becomes obvious either way, that is to say it's a matter of trial and error. You just have to go with it; go with something. Take it and run. And when you realize it's not the right thing, you try one of the other things on your list. It seems in order to succeed, you have to be open to the idea of failure. If failure is not an option, it seems to me that true happiness is not, either.
Society has primed us to believe that simply trying something to see how you might like it is not okay. We must do something, and commit to it, to the bitter end. My point is not to refute that completely; not that there aren't things we shouldn't commit to wholeheartedly, but that it's okay to be wrong.
I feel that the way I found out what career path I want was to put myself fully into an idea, as if nothing would stop me from achieving it, with the exception of myself. Then, if I decided it wasn't what I wanted, I could just change my mind. And although I look to the people who know me well to help me make decisions, I had to make the decisions on my own. If I were to make them based on what anyone else wants, it probably wouldn't make me happy with my decision.
I think in order to figure out where your passion lies, you just have to dive into one of the possibilities. You also have to be able to be honest with yourself as to what the possibilities are; be courageous, and yet realistic, while remaining true to yourself. And if it doesn't work out, try the next one on the list. When you pick the right one, it just seems so clear.
Then it's on to the rest of life's decisions...
It becomes obvious either way, that is to say it's a matter of trial and error. You just have to go with it; go with something. Take it and run. And when you realize it's not the right thing, you try one of the other things on your list. It seems in order to succeed, you have to be open to the idea of failure. If failure is not an option, it seems to me that true happiness is not, either.
Society has primed us to believe that simply trying something to see how you might like it is not okay. We must do something, and commit to it, to the bitter end. My point is not to refute that completely; not that there aren't things we shouldn't commit to wholeheartedly, but that it's okay to be wrong.
I feel that the way I found out what career path I want was to put myself fully into an idea, as if nothing would stop me from achieving it, with the exception of myself. Then, if I decided it wasn't what I wanted, I could just change my mind. And although I look to the people who know me well to help me make decisions, I had to make the decisions on my own. If I were to make them based on what anyone else wants, it probably wouldn't make me happy with my decision.
I think in order to figure out where your passion lies, you just have to dive into one of the possibilities. You also have to be able to be honest with yourself as to what the possibilities are; be courageous, and yet realistic, while remaining true to yourself. And if it doesn't work out, try the next one on the list. When you pick the right one, it just seems so clear.
Then it's on to the rest of life's decisions...
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Day of the First (Substantial) Snow Fall
I don't really have a reason to be using (or maybe abusing, haha) the computer in the Journ Library. I could be doing homework, but what fun would that be? Especially not fun due to the fact that I couldn't sleep [well] last night.
Funny how things work, huh? My today commute was the shortest it's been so far, and it's the first REAL snow fall. The other day didn't really count to me because this is actually sticking around so far. I had a nice 2 inches or so on my car this morning, and no brush-thingy in sight. I frantically ran to get one, as I was already behind schedule, and with the snow...but alas, I arrived at my bus stop with time to spare!
My bus went from nearly empty to full to capacity in a matter of 3 Marcy-Holmes neighborhood stops.
I had a mass media effect test this morning. I am bad at essay questions, - which is kind of sad for a communications major...So that might not have gone so well. I looked at my notes afterward, and I definitely did the last essay COMPLETELY wrong...whoops! C'est la vie, I guess. I could not for the life of me remember the 4 components that this one scholar listed as needs. Poo.
I have about half hour til my next class. It's probably my least favorite. I should finish my french homework before hand, but will I? Doubtful. Why am I such an apathetic student? I like that I tried to promise myself I wouldn't be that way this semester, and yet...
I have my first biology mid-term tonight. 6pm. I'll be doin' some big studyin' for that one this afternoon. After the my longest and most tedious class (french). I've kind of been okay with Bio lately, but then again I've barely seen any of my grades and attendance isn't taken at lecture. What's to dislike? I guess I'll know after my first exam. Thank the Lord for pass/fail!
Well, I should really go finish my french homework, and take down that peanut butter sandwich before class. A la prochaine fois!
Funny how things work, huh? My today commute was the shortest it's been so far, and it's the first REAL snow fall. The other day didn't really count to me because this is actually sticking around so far. I had a nice 2 inches or so on my car this morning, and no brush-thingy in sight. I frantically ran to get one, as I was already behind schedule, and with the snow...but alas, I arrived at my bus stop with time to spare!
My bus went from nearly empty to full to capacity in a matter of 3 Marcy-Holmes neighborhood stops.
I had a mass media effect test this morning. I am bad at essay questions, - which is kind of sad for a communications major...So that might not have gone so well. I looked at my notes afterward, and I definitely did the last essay COMPLETELY wrong...whoops! C'est la vie, I guess. I could not for the life of me remember the 4 components that this one scholar listed as needs. Poo.
I have about half hour til my next class. It's probably my least favorite. I should finish my french homework before hand, but will I? Doubtful. Why am I such an apathetic student? I like that I tried to promise myself I wouldn't be that way this semester, and yet...
I have my first biology mid-term tonight. 6pm. I'll be doin' some big studyin' for that one this afternoon. After the my longest and most tedious class (french). I've kind of been okay with Bio lately, but then again I've barely seen any of my grades and attendance isn't taken at lecture. What's to dislike? I guess I'll know after my first exam. Thank the Lord for pass/fail!
Well, I should really go finish my french homework, and take down that peanut butter sandwich before class. A la prochaine fois!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Can't Give You Anymore
Don’t forget,
Where we’ve been,
And remember that when,
The world is crashing around you,
Look at those who surround you,
Many have only just found you,
You think I'm not there,
And you say it's not fair,
But what do you know,
About how much I care,
And you can shoot me straight,
But I can't do the same,
And we both know,
It's not my aim,
It's my heart that's the matter,
I don't want things to shatter,
But I'm breaking anyway,
So I choose the wrong thing to say,
One time and one day,
But I can't fix it all,
Can't break everything's fall,
When I've given everything I had in store,
I'm sorry when I can't give you anymore.
Where we’ve been,
And remember that when,
The world is crashing around you,
Look at those who surround you,
Many have only just found you,
You think I'm not there,
And you say it's not fair,
But what do you know,
About how much I care,
And you can shoot me straight,
But I can't do the same,
And we both know,
It's not my aim,
It's my heart that's the matter,
I don't want things to shatter,
But I'm breaking anyway,
So I choose the wrong thing to say,
One time and one day,
But I can't fix it all,
Can't break everything's fall,
When I've given everything I had in store,
I'm sorry when I can't give you anymore.
"Give a Little" - maybe not my favorite...
I've been pushing you,
Cause I don't,
Know what else to do,
It's hard to always loose,
You've gotta learn to give,
A little,
Meet in the middle,
And to my surprise,
Maybe one day we'll compromise,
When the tension hangs where it does,
And all I can think of is where I was when you,
Broke my heart a time or two,
Yeah you always play tough with me,
And in that I've learned to be,
A little more straight with you,
But it seems you never wanted me to,
You've gotta learn to give,
A little,
Meet in the middle,
And to my surprise,
Maybe one day we'll compromise,
How do we remain,
Two different people in the same strain,
As friends,
Where the competition never ends,
And we, we can't seem to see,
The points that make the other side,
Okay,
So how,
Do we make sense out of all this now,
Tell me,
Will we,
Will we ever...
learn to give,
A little,
Meet in the middle,
And to our surprise,
Maybe one day we'll compromise,
Oh we need to,
Give a little,
Meet in the middle,
Once we are just a bit more wise,
Maybe we'll know to compromise.
Cause I don't,
Know what else to do,
It's hard to always loose,
You've gotta learn to give,
A little,
Meet in the middle,
And to my surprise,
Maybe one day we'll compromise,
When the tension hangs where it does,
And all I can think of is where I was when you,
Broke my heart a time or two,
Yeah you always play tough with me,
And in that I've learned to be,
A little more straight with you,
But it seems you never wanted me to,
You've gotta learn to give,
A little,
Meet in the middle,
And to my surprise,
Maybe one day we'll compromise,
How do we remain,
Two different people in the same strain,
As friends,
Where the competition never ends,
And we, we can't seem to see,
The points that make the other side,
Okay,
So how,
Do we make sense out of all this now,
Tell me,
Will we,
Will we ever...
learn to give,
A little,
Meet in the middle,
And to our surprise,
Maybe one day we'll compromise,
Oh we need to,
Give a little,
Meet in the middle,
Once we are just a bit more wise,
Maybe we'll know to compromise.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
My Autumn Windowsill
As a cold breeze washes over me,
The chills to my bones sober me,
Sit,
Up,
Right,
Don't,
Get,
Uptight,
Let the crisp air breathe in my soul,
Lost in the midnight sky's black hole,
Placed ever-so secretly among scheming stars,
And though I don't believe in fate,
There's someone, somewhere dreaming ours,
And under this night light,
I find myself in awe,
A perfect peaceful scene,
Dark but without flaw,
Swirling and charming, all the while still,
Not a thing is moving in my autumn windowsill,
Like a love song from one to another,
Without a single word,
How does one know its feeling,
Without ever having heard,
And yet a melodious, fanciful candor,
Of an evening of fall grandeur,
Can be heard on its stillest night,
In the brisk air,
Of the soft moonlight.
The chills to my bones sober me,
Sit,
Up,
Right,
Don't,
Get,
Uptight,
Let the crisp air breathe in my soul,
Lost in the midnight sky's black hole,
Placed ever-so secretly among scheming stars,
And though I don't believe in fate,
There's someone, somewhere dreaming ours,
And under this night light,
I find myself in awe,
A perfect peaceful scene,
Dark but without flaw,
Swirling and charming, all the while still,
Not a thing is moving in my autumn windowsill,
Like a love song from one to another,
Without a single word,
How does one know its feeling,
Without ever having heard,
And yet a melodious, fanciful candor,
Of an evening of fall grandeur,
Can be heard on its stillest night,
In the brisk air,
Of the soft moonlight.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Sweater Season
There's something about fall that always makes me want to write. It makes me want to blog, journal, write poems and songs, etc. ... everything except write that french paper I have due monday. I could be doing that, but am? No.
I did however do my favorite homework today, for my favorite class: read the paper. Brilliant. Just the type of homework I don't mind.
Yes, there's something just so inspiring about the now chilly, dreary weather. Even when I don't like the weather, I like it. I'm not a huge fan of the light mist, but I'd take it over the typical july/august air density any day. Something about that little chill that we all get - at least for the first couple weeks of fall, if not the whole time - is an avid reminder of the fact that we're alive. We're freezing, but we're alive. It's a weird kind of shock that's refreshing at the same time.
The air just seems to smell better in autumn, too. It smells fresh, and crisp. You can smell the leaves before they drop.
There's a magnificence and a splendor to fall, even when it's gray, - or maybe that's just my opinion. Not to mention, sweater season!! Can't deny the greatness of that!
(bear with me, I haven't been writing for pleasure all summer long, and I don't have time to edit this so I just want to post it as is; it may suck.)
I did however do my favorite homework today, for my favorite class: read the paper. Brilliant. Just the type of homework I don't mind.
Yes, there's something just so inspiring about the now chilly, dreary weather. Even when I don't like the weather, I like it. I'm not a huge fan of the light mist, but I'd take it over the typical july/august air density any day. Something about that little chill that we all get - at least for the first couple weeks of fall, if not the whole time - is an avid reminder of the fact that we're alive. We're freezing, but we're alive. It's a weird kind of shock that's refreshing at the same time.
The air just seems to smell better in autumn, too. It smells fresh, and crisp. You can smell the leaves before they drop.
There's a magnificence and a splendor to fall, even when it's gray, - or maybe that's just my opinion. Not to mention, sweater season!! Can't deny the greatness of that!
(bear with me, I haven't been writing for pleasure all summer long, and I don't have time to edit this so I just want to post it as is; it may suck.)
Friday, September 25, 2009
Ummm, Wow.
Is it weird that this dunn brothers panini is fantastic? Roasted Turkey. It tastes like thanksgiving draped in cheese and stuffed between 2 slices of bread. Almost worth the too high price I paid. Maybe it's just that I was really hungry.
Where did this week go? It seriously FLEW by. Probably ironically because on Monday I really thought it was friday. I was planning my weekend out, trying to decide what I'd do with my friday night...then i realized it was monday. And I had to work the next day.
*BAM*it's friday. And soon, *BAM* it will be monday again. It's always one or the other.
My brain stopped. I ate a panini, and it stopped. Apparently hunger was driving this rant.
Well. Um, I don't really know where to go from here. Watching the office. Happy Weekend, Erreeebody!
Where did this week go? It seriously FLEW by. Probably ironically because on Monday I really thought it was friday. I was planning my weekend out, trying to decide what I'd do with my friday night...then i realized it was monday. And I had to work the next day.
*BAM*it's friday. And soon, *BAM* it will be monday again. It's always one or the other.
My brain stopped. I ate a panini, and it stopped. Apparently hunger was driving this rant.
Well. Um, I don't really know where to go from here. Watching the office. Happy Weekend, Erreeebody!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Only Tears Come to Mind
I have so much to say,
But yet the words to find,
Cause when I think of you,
Only tears come to mind,
I've been stretching myself too thin,
As of late,
And as a result,
Is this state I'm in:
Trying to untie all these knots,
Crying til red blood spots,
The counter top,
Even then I can't stop,
Feeling it so harshly,
As life digs in deeper,
Clinging weakly to my Keeper,
Wondering when to stop,
When to let this fragile heart drop,
Because I can't hold it up anymore,
It gets heavier with each war,
I can't go on tomorrow,
Like it didn't happen today,
I've not much room for persuasion,
There's not much YOU could say,
I patch up my own wounds,
Which will inevitably be marred again,
I try my best to shield myself,
But I know I'll be scarred again,
What is there to learn?
Nothing but my heart to yearn,
For peace and propriety,
In exchange for this anxiety.
But yet the words to find,
Cause when I think of you,
Only tears come to mind,
I've been stretching myself too thin,
As of late,
And as a result,
Is this state I'm in:
Trying to untie all these knots,
Crying til red blood spots,
The counter top,
Even then I can't stop,
Feeling it so harshly,
As life digs in deeper,
Clinging weakly to my Keeper,
Wondering when to stop,
When to let this fragile heart drop,
Because I can't hold it up anymore,
It gets heavier with each war,
I can't go on tomorrow,
Like it didn't happen today,
I've not much room for persuasion,
There's not much YOU could say,
I patch up my own wounds,
Which will inevitably be marred again,
I try my best to shield myself,
But I know I'll be scarred again,
What is there to learn?
Nothing but my heart to yearn,
For peace and propriety,
In exchange for this anxiety.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Things I'm Wondering About
Here are a few thoughts before I hit the hay so happily (i am WORN OUT!):
-I'm wondering why my brother is such a cutie-patootie, and I miss him a lot.
-I'm also wondering how I'm going to live through this semester, but I'm challenging myself to do so.
-I'm wondering why life has to taunt me with wonderful things, then kick my ass. Sorry, I can't be polite about it, not now.
-I'm wondering where I'm going to find a sweet place to live until december.
-I'm wondering if this cold-illness will still be here tomorrow (gee, i hope not)
-I'm wondering how I bounce back; the grace of God.
-I'm wondering when I'll get to hang out with my big sister!!!
-I'm wondering if I will ever make my first class on time again.
-I'm wondering what my life would've been like right now if I had gone through with Paris.
-I'm wondering why I haven't blogged in like a century!
-I'm wondering how awful my first paper of the semester was.
-I'm wondering where my check-card/credit card case is...ummm, yeah.
-I'm wondering what I'll do in the spring when my 2 besties are off exploring different parts of the world.
-I'm wondering what all the new albums are like that have come out and I cannot afford to buy.
-I'm wondering how much caffeine it would take to make me actually hyper (3 times today was enough to keep me awake)
-I'm wondering how I'm going to get a 3.0 this semester (since I didn't last time) and what I'm going to do if I don't.
-I'm wondering why I'm ranting instead of sleeping.
-I'm wondering why my brother is such a cutie-patootie, and I miss him a lot.
-I'm also wondering how I'm going to live through this semester, but I'm challenging myself to do so.
-I'm wondering why life has to taunt me with wonderful things, then kick my ass. Sorry, I can't be polite about it, not now.
-I'm wondering where I'm going to find a sweet place to live until december.
-I'm wondering if this cold-illness will still be here tomorrow (gee, i hope not)
-I'm wondering how I bounce back; the grace of God.
-I'm wondering when I'll get to hang out with my big sister!!!
-I'm wondering if I will ever make my first class on time again.
-I'm wondering what my life would've been like right now if I had gone through with Paris.
-I'm wondering why I haven't blogged in like a century!
-I'm wondering how awful my first paper of the semester was.
-I'm wondering where my check-card/credit card case is...ummm, yeah.
-I'm wondering what I'll do in the spring when my 2 besties are off exploring different parts of the world.
-I'm wondering what all the new albums are like that have come out and I cannot afford to buy.
-I'm wondering how much caffeine it would take to make me actually hyper (3 times today was enough to keep me awake)
-I'm wondering how I'm going to get a 3.0 this semester (since I didn't last time) and what I'm going to do if I don't.
-I'm wondering why I'm ranting instead of sleeping.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
We're leaving pretty easy, eh?
What an awesome week and weekend this has been!! And the forecast has it ending beautifully, too: family birthday celebration! family & friends + cake + laughter = a happy Alicia.
The conferences both were good. I had such a blast at the Cause! (& easily drank a gallon of coffee, haha)
It's so crazy when you have God tell you so many things (through people who've never met you) that are so personal, that you do and don't want to tell other people. They're so spot on, that you're fascinated, and yet it's cool to just keep that for yourself.
There's not a whole lot that I ever feel the need to keep to myself. So that's saying something! Great weekend, but as I am EXTREMELY tired, and don't have much time before my next event, I'm off to nap! Cheers!
The conferences both were good. I had such a blast at the Cause! (& easily drank a gallon of coffee, haha)
It's so crazy when you have God tell you so many things (through people who've never met you) that are so personal, that you do and don't want to tell other people. They're so spot on, that you're fascinated, and yet it's cool to just keep that for yourself.
There's not a whole lot that I ever feel the need to keep to myself. So that's saying something! Great weekend, but as I am EXTREMELY tired, and don't have much time before my next event, I'm off to nap! Cheers!
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Life Only Gets Harder
One minute I'm ridin' the high,
Of the cancellation of another lie,
When I'm hit with the low,
As an ugly truth starts to show,
My heart goes back to breaking,
A momentary pause to this constant aching,
I never thought the world could taint me,
Now its worries often paint me,
They smother the joy that once bubbled over,
I guess I didn't notice it as I got older,
Life only gets harder,
Suffocating its ardor,
Making it difficult to breathe,
But I keep fighting,
And in laughter delighting,
Because the only way to keep sane,
Is for a hopeful spirit to sustain.
--Not that I like explaining my poems, as poems SHOULD speak for themselves, sometimes, I don't like to leave them up to interpretation: This is on the notion that life has its ups and downs. It's almost as if, right when you think everything has fallen into place and temporarily makes sense, something else goes wrong. It's kind of like a car. At any rate, to keep plowing through with a glad and hopeful heart that things will eventually work out for the better, is the only way to make sense out of life. So I guess it turns out to be my philosophy on life, haha. One of them.
Of the cancellation of another lie,
When I'm hit with the low,
As an ugly truth starts to show,
My heart goes back to breaking,
A momentary pause to this constant aching,
I never thought the world could taint me,
Now its worries often paint me,
They smother the joy that once bubbled over,
I guess I didn't notice it as I got older,
Life only gets harder,
Suffocating its ardor,
Making it difficult to breathe,
But I keep fighting,
And in laughter delighting,
Because the only way to keep sane,
Is for a hopeful spirit to sustain.
--Not that I like explaining my poems, as poems SHOULD speak for themselves, sometimes, I don't like to leave them up to interpretation: This is on the notion that life has its ups and downs. It's almost as if, right when you think everything has fallen into place and temporarily makes sense, something else goes wrong. It's kind of like a car. At any rate, to keep plowing through with a glad and hopeful heart that things will eventually work out for the better, is the only way to make sense out of life. So I guess it turns out to be my philosophy on life, haha. One of them.
Drifting
I can feel you pulling away,
I'm so tongue-tied,
I don't know what to say,
I wish I knew what I did,
To make you turn your back,
But really only slightly,
Each time a small attack,
I'm too scared to say anything,
Because I'm afraid to know,
So I've been holding my breath,
Hoping you'd let it go,
But we only keep drifting,
Farther and further apart,
Our friendship is shifting,
And it's breaking my heart,
I wish you wouldn't just walk away,
Dropping my hand like we never laughed,
And I can't understand,
And I'm feeling daft,
Just left in the dust,
Like a once beloved toy,
Left behind with her childhood,
When the girl likes the boy.
I'm so tongue-tied,
I don't know what to say,
I wish I knew what I did,
To make you turn your back,
But really only slightly,
Each time a small attack,
I'm too scared to say anything,
Because I'm afraid to know,
So I've been holding my breath,
Hoping you'd let it go,
But we only keep drifting,
Farther and further apart,
Our friendship is shifting,
And it's breaking my heart,
I wish you wouldn't just walk away,
Dropping my hand like we never laughed,
And I can't understand,
And I'm feeling daft,
Just left in the dust,
Like a once beloved toy,
Left behind with her childhood,
When the girl likes the boy.
Friday, July 31, 2009
I look at the world & notice it's turning...
I did not have the energy for the white board tonight. My nerves and emotions could not handle it tonight; today was a great day.
I'm currently sipping soy milk and eating chocolate covered soy nuts, listening to the Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps".
Silk, to be exact. I've been craving it for a couple weeks, but I've been trying to deplete my regular milk so that I have reason to buy some. I finally just gave in. Yummmm.
Chocolate covered soy nuts, I have to thank my grandma for showing me them. She's a health nut, and they are her "candy" so to speak. I'd agree, they are so yummy. Go check em out at Rainbow if you don't believe me.
I've heard it ("gently weeps"), but not for a long time until my boss, Jon and I were discussing music and he happened to have a compilation CD, so I put it on my iPod. I have to say it's my favorite song off that CD, though I couldn't really tell you why. I just love it. It's really not a quiet song, but it relaxes me. It's probably the rhythm of the music verses their singing.
I worked today, which was short but good as it always is. I fed one envelope every 35 seconds into a printer for a couple minutes, not to mention I got one of my boss' famously wonderful choco-chip cookies, fresh! Then I got off early, and...
I went to Oake on the Water, hosted by the Cities97 D.J. Brian Oake. The guest was A Fine Frenzy, which I loooove! So I was pretty stoked to go. I went up to meet her after, and got a picture!! So cool.
Then I came home, chilled out a bit. Went to have coffee with Carrie at my favorite Dunn Bros, and who is there, but my favorite D.J. Brian Oake!! Just ask carrie, I was like way to happy. Haha, but I didn't go talk to him, cause I kinda felt weird about it. I felt like either he wouldn't want extra attention drawn to him after a day full of it, or I'd say something dumb like "I think you're my music soulmate!"...so I just thought it was waaayyy too cool that Brian Oake got coffee at my favorite Mpls hang out!
Then Carrie and I went for a walk, on this beautiful night. And hung out and talked. Now I'm eating choco-covered soy nuts. Can't complain about today!
I'm currently sipping soy milk and eating chocolate covered soy nuts, listening to the Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps".
Silk, to be exact. I've been craving it for a couple weeks, but I've been trying to deplete my regular milk so that I have reason to buy some. I finally just gave in. Yummmm.
Chocolate covered soy nuts, I have to thank my grandma for showing me them. She's a health nut, and they are her "candy" so to speak. I'd agree, they are so yummy. Go check em out at Rainbow if you don't believe me.
I've heard it ("gently weeps"), but not for a long time until my boss, Jon and I were discussing music and he happened to have a compilation CD, so I put it on my iPod. I have to say it's my favorite song off that CD, though I couldn't really tell you why. I just love it. It's really not a quiet song, but it relaxes me. It's probably the rhythm of the music verses their singing.
I worked today, which was short but good as it always is. I fed one envelope every 35 seconds into a printer for a couple minutes, not to mention I got one of my boss' famously wonderful choco-chip cookies, fresh! Then I got off early, and...
I went to Oake on the Water, hosted by the Cities97 D.J. Brian Oake. The guest was A Fine Frenzy, which I loooove! So I was pretty stoked to go. I went up to meet her after, and got a picture!! So cool.
Then I came home, chilled out a bit. Went to have coffee with Carrie at my favorite Dunn Bros, and who is there, but my favorite D.J. Brian Oake!! Just ask carrie, I was like way to happy. Haha, but I didn't go talk to him, cause I kinda felt weird about it. I felt like either he wouldn't want extra attention drawn to him after a day full of it, or I'd say something dumb like "I think you're my music soulmate!"...so I just thought it was waaayyy too cool that Brian Oake got coffee at my favorite Mpls hang out!
Then Carrie and I went for a walk, on this beautiful night. And hung out and talked. Now I'm eating choco-covered soy nuts. Can't complain about today!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Airing My Brain Before Bed
I now better understand the term "sour grape(s)"...
Today made it seem like possibly the rest of the week could be better than last week. I think not knowing what a lot of things will be in a little over a month, is stressing me out. I've felt really stressed for a while, but I don't have a ton to be stressed about. I think it mostly comes down to 2 things: a place to live/roommates, and money to pay for the place to live.
Not only is apartment searching pretty much one of my least favorite things to do, but it's slim pickings. Then there's the money aspect, if I could afford to, I'd move out right now. I practically waste this apartment anyways, I'm gone so much.
Ughhh, there I go again. I'm letting myself worry TOO much, which does nothing but make me miserable...and complain. Haha, my poor mother. I've been thinking about this since late May. And wasting my nerves.
I just need to find a way to chill, and be at peace. The stuff always works out in the end, and I won't be completely miserable if I have to move home for a semester.
Today made it seem like possibly the rest of the week could be better than last week. I think not knowing what a lot of things will be in a little over a month, is stressing me out. I've felt really stressed for a while, but I don't have a ton to be stressed about. I think it mostly comes down to 2 things: a place to live/roommates, and money to pay for the place to live.
Not only is apartment searching pretty much one of my least favorite things to do, but it's slim pickings. Then there's the money aspect, if I could afford to, I'd move out right now. I practically waste this apartment anyways, I'm gone so much.
Ughhh, there I go again. I'm letting myself worry TOO much, which does nothing but make me miserable...and complain. Haha, my poor mother. I've been thinking about this since late May. And wasting my nerves.
I just need to find a way to chill, and be at peace. The stuff always works out in the end, and I won't be completely miserable if I have to move home for a semester.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Argument
Don't you trivialize my feelings,
When we're standing under fractured ceilings,
I don't claim to know what everything means,
But I know what it means to me,
And that's okay if you don't want to be,
Someone who takes things personally,
But I'd rather be the way I am,
Than live life and not give a damn,
Cause if I was numb to everything,
Life wouldn't be worth living,
And if I could choose when I'd hurt,
Of course! I'd learn to divert,
The crumbling of my ethereal heart,
And every piece of this world,
From falling apart,
In your presence,
But if I could,
Don't you think,
I would've thought,
Of that by now?
I am supposed to leave all the jagged pieces,
And never tell a soul,
Because if I leave them untouched long enough,
They'll again become a whole,
A hardened, thickened version,
Of my very core,
Prepared for the jabs of this world,
While still always sore,
Surely I see the logic in this,
The soft hearted are but weak ones,
Always trampled underfoot,
They should cauterize each wound,
And leave it,
A heart covered in soot!
For having a soft heart,
Is useless, but a target on this earth,
Because everyone will throw a dart,
Because no one sees its worth.
When we're standing under fractured ceilings,
I don't claim to know what everything means,
But I know what it means to me,
And that's okay if you don't want to be,
Someone who takes things personally,
But I'd rather be the way I am,
Than live life and not give a damn,
Cause if I was numb to everything,
Life wouldn't be worth living,
And if I could choose when I'd hurt,
Of course! I'd learn to divert,
The crumbling of my ethereal heart,
And every piece of this world,
From falling apart,
In your presence,
But if I could,
Don't you think,
I would've thought,
Of that by now?
I am supposed to leave all the jagged pieces,
And never tell a soul,
Because if I leave them untouched long enough,
They'll again become a whole,
A hardened, thickened version,
Of my very core,
Prepared for the jabs of this world,
While still always sore,
Surely I see the logic in this,
The soft hearted are but weak ones,
Always trampled underfoot,
They should cauterize each wound,
And leave it,
A heart covered in soot!
For having a soft heart,
Is useless, but a target on this earth,
Because everyone will throw a dart,
Because no one sees its worth.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Vacay-TION!
Ahhhhhhhh, boy did I need to go lay around for a weekend. I have not had an official vacation (going to grandpa and grandma's doesn't count, even as much fun and relaxation as that is...) since 2007. This weekend was a blast!
This weekend I:
+ drove a really beautiful, lovely...I mean, GIANT, tough! Manly [pretty black] truck.
+ learned to knit; began a scarf.
+ took a bunch of pretty lake/sunset photos.
+ ate yummy ice cream.
+ saw a rainbow.
+ did not facebook.
+ convinced Sara of fun things to do, such as wade in the GINORMOUS waves.
+ went swimming after midnight.
+ saw 2 shooting stars
+ drank a lot of pop, and displayed my secret belching skills for Sara (only around those who already love me enough not to judge).
+ lost miserably at a very odd game of Monopoly.
+ won at a rousing game of scrabble (45pt word, baby).
+ had church at home :)
+ giggled...a lot.
+ DROVE A JET SKI!!! [by myself] (so much FREAKing fun)
+ flew off a jet ski (not my fault/driving)
+ sat by a roaring fire & knitted.
+ almost ate a booger on accident...*blech*
+ got lost, drove an hour out of our way, ha.
+ (w/ Sara, we) got awkwardly hit on in the gas station...
+ missed my dog. I come home, - she smells EXACTLY like a port-a-potty, it's quite strange and off-putting.
And last, but not least:
+ MADE MEMORIES!
This weekend I:
+ drove a really beautiful, lovely...I mean, GIANT, tough! Manly [pretty black] truck.
+ learned to knit; began a scarf.
+ took a bunch of pretty lake/sunset photos.
+ ate yummy ice cream.
+ saw a rainbow.
+ did not facebook.
+ convinced Sara of fun things to do, such as wade in the GINORMOUS waves.
+ went swimming after midnight.
+ saw 2 shooting stars
+ drank a lot of pop, and displayed my secret belching skills for Sara (only around those who already love me enough not to judge).
+ lost miserably at a very odd game of Monopoly.
+ won at a rousing game of scrabble (45pt word, baby).
+ had church at home :)
+ giggled...a lot.
+ DROVE A JET SKI!!! [by myself] (so much FREAKing fun)
+ flew off a jet ski (not my fault/driving)
+ sat by a roaring fire & knitted.
+ almost ate a booger on accident...*blech*
+ got lost, drove an hour out of our way, ha.
+ (w/ Sara, we) got awkwardly hit on in the gas station...
+ missed my dog. I come home, - she smells EXACTLY like a port-a-potty, it's quite strange and off-putting.
And last, but not least:
+ MADE MEMORIES!
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
The Day of FAIL
Oh where to begin. Maybe that the inside of my nose just itched, and I realized I have soot in both my nostrils. Yum. Ha, bet you wanted to know that. It gets better (and less gross), keep reading.
So I told my small group that this week I'd be bringing the infamous fruit pizza that is such a hit. I had all the ingredients, and I was ready to go. I went to turn on the oven to preheat while my roommates were cooking dinner. All of a sudden I hear Hillary (my roommate) say that the oven is smoking. It's happened before, but I thought I'd come check it out. It's intensely smoking. I'm already afraid of gas ovens, but this scares me more. So I go to my room to call my mom and ask her what to do. Parents have all the answers, right? Wrong. I tell her it's smoking too much, and go back out and it's smoking even more and there's ash falling from the smoke. So I start flipping out.
Of course, my mom does not know what to say, which stresses me out more so she puts my brother on the phone, who basically just tells me to call the fire department. So I hang up on him, call them, and we open the little broiler drawer thingy, and there it is one of those disposable tin pans flaming up a storm.
At this point, the whole apartment is dark because there's a thick smoke floating from about 2 feet off the ceiling. I tell them to dump water on it, and feel dumb for calling 911. I've never honestly done that in my life, called 911. Scary stuff, I'm telling you. So we decide to open the windows and wait it out outside.
I call up my aunty carole, carrie's mom, and ask her if I can come use their oven because I already had people's hopes up about this fruit pizza, it had to be there at small group. So she said I could come over. So I go back into the smoke filled apartment (yes, I'm that person) and gather up all my fruits and other ingredients, and my purse and head out to my car. Carrie calls me, I tell her I'm coming to her house to cook and she tells me I should pick her up. I tell her I'm on my way and hop in. I realize, once in the car that I left my makeup bag inside and was wearing no makeup (-maybe it's a sign).
So naturally, I grab my apartment keys and hop out of the car, habitually locking the door. Take note here: I only grabbed my apartment keys. I get not a few steps back towards our main door, when I realize I did not have my car keys in hand...and I'm pretty sure I remembered locking the doors. Great. There they were, sitting on the seat, doors locked...spares in my purse, along with my cell phone - also in the car. Better believe that's going to be changing soon (the spare). Carrie waiting on a street somewhere for me to pick her up when I was "just leaving". The only hope being that the moonroof is open a smidge, but not enough to comfortably fit an arm in.
So I go back in to the building, where my roommates are waiting out the smoke in the hallway with our neighbor from across the hall whom we scared by me standing with the door open calling 911 saying we had a "fire". Haha, poor girl.
Anyways, Hillary pointed out to me that we own a mop. Unfortunately, (and I only know from trying) the mop has a weird squiggee handle midway up the base of it, so it didn't fit in the small opening. I go back in, yet again and ask our new found friend from across the hall if she has a broom. She kindly lent me one. It was green.
I stuff pretty much the whole broom into the car, just barely holding onto the sweeping end as the other end taps gently and awkwardly at the heavy duty unlock button on the passenger's side. I couldn't control the whole broom well enough by just the bristles, so I somehow finagled my whole forearm in through this tiny crack and successfully unlocked the door to much of my relief. Calling AAA to have some dude unlock my car, not my idea of a nice tuesday night meant to be spent at small group, eating fruit pizza.
So I go to Carrie's, and her mom was so nice to let me abuse her kitchen. Then, their oven craps out. I was so close. I had the sauce mixed, I was cutting fruit, and the dough was already smushed on the pan. I had to then bring all the almost ready components to our small group house and bake it there.
It was a success, yet again. But I'm convinced some force of evil did not want me to make that fruit pizza.
When I arrived home, my roommates had cleaned most of it up, and told me there was soot everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I should tell them to blow their noses...
So I told my small group that this week I'd be bringing the infamous fruit pizza that is such a hit. I had all the ingredients, and I was ready to go. I went to turn on the oven to preheat while my roommates were cooking dinner. All of a sudden I hear Hillary (my roommate) say that the oven is smoking. It's happened before, but I thought I'd come check it out. It's intensely smoking. I'm already afraid of gas ovens, but this scares me more. So I go to my room to call my mom and ask her what to do. Parents have all the answers, right? Wrong. I tell her it's smoking too much, and go back out and it's smoking even more and there's ash falling from the smoke. So I start flipping out.
Of course, my mom does not know what to say, which stresses me out more so she puts my brother on the phone, who basically just tells me to call the fire department. So I hang up on him, call them, and we open the little broiler drawer thingy, and there it is one of those disposable tin pans flaming up a storm.
At this point, the whole apartment is dark because there's a thick smoke floating from about 2 feet off the ceiling. I tell them to dump water on it, and feel dumb for calling 911. I've never honestly done that in my life, called 911. Scary stuff, I'm telling you. So we decide to open the windows and wait it out outside.
I call up my aunty carole, carrie's mom, and ask her if I can come use their oven because I already had people's hopes up about this fruit pizza, it had to be there at small group. So she said I could come over. So I go back into the smoke filled apartment (yes, I'm that person) and gather up all my fruits and other ingredients, and my purse and head out to my car. Carrie calls me, I tell her I'm coming to her house to cook and she tells me I should pick her up. I tell her I'm on my way and hop in. I realize, once in the car that I left my makeup bag inside and was wearing no makeup (-maybe it's a sign).
So naturally, I grab my apartment keys and hop out of the car, habitually locking the door. Take note here: I only grabbed my apartment keys. I get not a few steps back towards our main door, when I realize I did not have my car keys in hand...and I'm pretty sure I remembered locking the doors. Great. There they were, sitting on the seat, doors locked...spares in my purse, along with my cell phone - also in the car. Better believe that's going to be changing soon (the spare). Carrie waiting on a street somewhere for me to pick her up when I was "just leaving". The only hope being that the moonroof is open a smidge, but not enough to comfortably fit an arm in.
So I go back in to the building, where my roommates are waiting out the smoke in the hallway with our neighbor from across the hall whom we scared by me standing with the door open calling 911 saying we had a "fire". Haha, poor girl.
Anyways, Hillary pointed out to me that we own a mop. Unfortunately, (and I only know from trying) the mop has a weird squiggee handle midway up the base of it, so it didn't fit in the small opening. I go back in, yet again and ask our new found friend from across the hall if she has a broom. She kindly lent me one. It was green.
I stuff pretty much the whole broom into the car, just barely holding onto the sweeping end as the other end taps gently and awkwardly at the heavy duty unlock button on the passenger's side. I couldn't control the whole broom well enough by just the bristles, so I somehow finagled my whole forearm in through this tiny crack and successfully unlocked the door to much of my relief. Calling AAA to have some dude unlock my car, not my idea of a nice tuesday night meant to be spent at small group, eating fruit pizza.
So I go to Carrie's, and her mom was so nice to let me abuse her kitchen. Then, their oven craps out. I was so close. I had the sauce mixed, I was cutting fruit, and the dough was already smushed on the pan. I had to then bring all the almost ready components to our small group house and bake it there.
It was a success, yet again. But I'm convinced some force of evil did not want me to make that fruit pizza.
When I arrived home, my roommates had cleaned most of it up, and told me there was soot everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I should tell them to blow their noses...
Monday, June 08, 2009
How Has a Year Gone By?
A little over a year later, here I sit, on my bed in my first apartment. I am a little psyched out at how fast this time has gone. I sat at the class of 2009 graduation ceremony in the target center today. I walked the unbearably hot hallways where the eager soon-to-be graduates were lined up, decked out in navy blue cap and gown. That was me, a year ago. Not to be cliche, but it seems like it was just yesterday that I was standing there planning out the exciting moment of throwing my hat. That was the part I was looking forward to most, even though we weren't "allowed to" throw our hats. We did. I did.
The best part is, I don't even remember that moment. I remember so much else, but I don't remember that, the one moment I was looking forward to for 4 years.
It still psychs me out! Sitting on my bed, in my first apartment, after finishing my first year of being only a college student(i.e. "real college", haha). It's really weird, how you can look forward to something so much, then it passes you by so fast. Or how you can want something so much, and then you get it and it becomes a part of everyday life that you don't even realize.
My cap is sitting dustily in one of my still unpacked boxes (i don't have any shelves to put the stuff on...). My tassel is sitting at the bottom of the lowly cup-holder in my car, after getting pulled over for having it on my mirror. And the memory, the feeling of throwing my cap up in the air, and leaving high school and never looking back...are long gone.
The best part is, I don't even remember that moment. I remember so much else, but I don't remember that, the one moment I was looking forward to for 4 years.
It still psychs me out! Sitting on my bed, in my first apartment, after finishing my first year of being only a college student(i.e. "real college", haha). It's really weird, how you can look forward to something so much, then it passes you by so fast. Or how you can want something so much, and then you get it and it becomes a part of everyday life that you don't even realize.
My cap is sitting dustily in one of my still unpacked boxes (i don't have any shelves to put the stuff on...). My tassel is sitting at the bottom of the lowly cup-holder in my car, after getting pulled over for having it on my mirror. And the memory, the feeling of throwing my cap up in the air, and leaving high school and never looking back...are long gone.
Cling To Your Words
Just cling to your words,
Cause they're all that you've got,
To veil the way that you rot,
Keep trying to hide,
But you've got no,
One on your side,
And I hope,
That you pray,
Cause you're gonna meet God some day,
Then you'll face what you've done,
Like facing the end of a loaded gun,
But me, I've,
Got to find,
A way to,
Let this go,
And she'll have to,
Heal a bit,
Due to one hell of an ignorant twit,
Who clearly didn't know,
The worth of her,
And so,
Clings to his words,
Like an argumentative boy,
Whose life is lacking,
In any real joy,
Yes, cling to your words,
Cause they're all you've got,
But anything you claim to be,
We already know you're not.
Cause they're all that you've got,
To veil the way that you rot,
Keep trying to hide,
But you've got no,
One on your side,
And I hope,
That you pray,
Cause you're gonna meet God some day,
Then you'll face what you've done,
Like facing the end of a loaded gun,
But me, I've,
Got to find,
A way to,
Let this go,
And she'll have to,
Heal a bit,
Due to one hell of an ignorant twit,
Who clearly didn't know,
The worth of her,
And so,
Clings to his words,
Like an argumentative boy,
Whose life is lacking,
In any real joy,
Yes, cling to your words,
Cause they're all you've got,
But anything you claim to be,
We already know you're not.
Though My Tired Eyes Keep Blinking
My brain won't stop the flow,
Of thoughts so endless,
And there's nothing I can think of,
Nothing that can mend this,
And all creativity stops dead,
At the broken levee in my head,
I have eagerness of heart,
Yet no way to force this art,
I find myself lost again,
In this vast sea of over thinking,
Where thought is in constant streams,
Though my tired eyes keep blinking,
My head is lacking dreams,
Yet my energy is sinking,
While this wily hurricane travels,
I find that my psyche unravels,
And leaves me in a pile,
At the feet of the morning light,
After accumulated worries kept me,
Company all night.
Of thoughts so endless,
And there's nothing I can think of,
Nothing that can mend this,
And all creativity stops dead,
At the broken levee in my head,
I have eagerness of heart,
Yet no way to force this art,
I find myself lost again,
In this vast sea of over thinking,
Where thought is in constant streams,
Though my tired eyes keep blinking,
My head is lacking dreams,
Yet my energy is sinking,
While this wily hurricane travels,
I find that my psyche unravels,
And leaves me in a pile,
At the feet of the morning light,
After accumulated worries kept me,
Company all night.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I Like Punctuation But Fail A Punctuality
I have been avoiding my university email in-box since last week friday. I have a bit of a situation concerning my major and bunch of other crap, that had me sleeping very little friday or saturday nights. A majority of my life planning for the next 2 years was being dangled over a garbage can. I was freaking out just a little bit (sense the sarcasm? I do hope so).
I finally checked it, and there is a shred of hope that I won't have to push that little foot-pedal and toss my dreams on in...(following the metaphor still, I hope?). I've mainly been avoiding one email. A response to a very unpredictable professor that I wrote to "discuss" my grade (that I couldn't argue my way out of if I tried, but may have to try nonetheless). It's still sitting there. I have not yet the courage to open her response. She seems pretty nice, but she's also a former journalist...so there's that whole cut-throat, newsroom thing. I hate begging. And I don't condone lying, therefore...I'm fresh out of ideas, if she DOES even bother to meet with me!
And of course, this happens on one of the few times my mom goes out of town. The very day she left. The one person who I really count on to go to when I have a problem, who'll literally just listen and give me a hug. No forceful advice, or disappointment in me (because this is really my fault, and it's a major fail), - she just listens, and lets me hug her as many times as I want, for as long as I want, pretty much whenever I want. I am currently stressed, and not only that I am hug-deprived. If you know me well, you know the stress is only half of why I didn't sleep well those two nights.
Okay, I am going to bite the bullet. Here goes.
I finally checked it, and there is a shred of hope that I won't have to push that little foot-pedal and toss my dreams on in...(following the metaphor still, I hope?). I've mainly been avoiding one email. A response to a very unpredictable professor that I wrote to "discuss" my grade (that I couldn't argue my way out of if I tried, but may have to try nonetheless). It's still sitting there. I have not yet the courage to open her response. She seems pretty nice, but she's also a former journalist...so there's that whole cut-throat, newsroom thing. I hate begging. And I don't condone lying, therefore...I'm fresh out of ideas, if she DOES even bother to meet with me!
And of course, this happens on one of the few times my mom goes out of town. The very day she left. The one person who I really count on to go to when I have a problem, who'll literally just listen and give me a hug. No forceful advice, or disappointment in me (because this is really my fault, and it's a major fail), - she just listens, and lets me hug her as many times as I want, for as long as I want, pretty much whenever I want. I am currently stressed, and not only that I am hug-deprived. If you know me well, you know the stress is only half of why I didn't sleep well those two nights.
Okay, I am going to bite the bullet. Here goes.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Untitled 5-22-09
May 22, 2009
Who is living their dreams?
Everyone but me,
It seems,
How much water can I tread,
Before it rises o'er my head?
Then I wonder,
How long can I hold my breath?
How many is too many times,
When cheating death?
This life isn't a game,
But if you don't have a name,
Backing what you do,
The world seems to see nothing in you,
I have to look at what I want,
And not care what they say,
But that means I have to figure out,
What I want,
Someday,
To be lost,
Is unacceptable,
To be found,
Is unbelievable,
To be open,
Is unpredictable,
To be stuck,
Is unbearable,
When will my feet again hit the trail,
For my soul is weary and my strength is frail,
I guess I can only hold my breath,
Til the moment is right,
To step off the branch and take flight.
Who is living their dreams?
Everyone but me,
It seems,
How much water can I tread,
Before it rises o'er my head?
Then I wonder,
How long can I hold my breath?
How many is too many times,
When cheating death?
This life isn't a game,
But if you don't have a name,
Backing what you do,
The world seems to see nothing in you,
I have to look at what I want,
And not care what they say,
But that means I have to figure out,
What I want,
Someday,
To be lost,
Is unacceptable,
To be found,
Is unbelievable,
To be open,
Is unpredictable,
To be stuck,
Is unbearable,
When will my feet again hit the trail,
For my soul is weary and my strength is frail,
I guess I can only hold my breath,
Til the moment is right,
To step off the branch and take flight.
Too Easy to Dream?
Is it too easy,
To even dream,
About you,
And how you'd seem,
So madly in love with me,
And I'd,
Stay by your side,
And hold your hand so tight,
And gaze into the night,
It's just too easy,
Why even dream at all?
When it builds my hopes so tall,
And nothing turns out how,
I dreamed about it now,
So why make my heart to break,
As it crashes in the wake of my,
Endless rushing streams,
Of already broken dreams?
To even dream,
About you,
And how you'd seem,
So madly in love with me,
And I'd,
Stay by your side,
And hold your hand so tight,
And gaze into the night,
It's just too easy,
Why even dream at all?
When it builds my hopes so tall,
And nothing turns out how,
I dreamed about it now,
So why make my heart to break,
As it crashes in the wake of my,
Endless rushing streams,
Of already broken dreams?
Friday, May 22, 2009
Maybe . . . take a breather?
I'm wondering if maybe I'm just too young to care. Maybe I need to fall into a hole, and be pulled out first, before I can care. It makes me wonder, though, where is the line between freedom and recklessness? The line between apathy and refusing to be held down by fear?
I feel like I lack ambition, the only things I have ambition for are things that seem to be too much a fairytale to even bother thinking about. Now, even more so.
I want to change my mind, but something in my humanness tells me that people would judge me, and that that judgment would be too scary. But when it comes down to it, who cares? But that's what gets me into these messes in the first place, "who cares?".
I guess maybe I'm just too immature to make any kind of life decisions right now. Maybe I should just get a double major, some more education might set me right, right? Probably not. I feel like dropping out and becoming a nomad. I could contentedly work in a coffee shop for a few years, without many bills, it pays em.
No. I mean I really could be happy doing something like that, but it just reminds me that I do have at least one ambition. To be something more than I am, and to do it quickly. That might be my mistake.
I feel like I lack ambition, the only things I have ambition for are things that seem to be too much a fairytale to even bother thinking about. Now, even more so.
I want to change my mind, but something in my humanness tells me that people would judge me, and that that judgment would be too scary. But when it comes down to it, who cares? But that's what gets me into these messes in the first place, "who cares?".
I guess maybe I'm just too immature to make any kind of life decisions right now. Maybe I should just get a double major, some more education might set me right, right? Probably not. I feel like dropping out and becoming a nomad. I could contentedly work in a coffee shop for a few years, without many bills, it pays em.
No. I mean I really could be happy doing something like that, but it just reminds me that I do have at least one ambition. To be something more than I am, and to do it quickly. That might be my mistake.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Brain Mush Coma: A Finals After State
I am in the coma after state of finals. I always get that way, no matter the level of difficult (or lack thereof) in a semester. I get kinda zoney, and loopy. My brain takes a vacation for a bit. I start to say things that are even more stupid than my usual.
It's kind of nice though, because there aren't a whole lot of times when I can get my mind to just mellow out. This time is almost one of those times. Naps, and random tv, and the days after the end of a semester. When my brain downshifts from 5th gear, straight to 1st; it is beautiful. Relaxing.
I've been on an instrumental music kick, as of late. I just toss on my Pandora, and chill out, write if possible. It's so relaxing. I would've never thought 2 years ago I would like any kind of instrumental rock, but I love it!
I am looking forward to tomorrow. Cranking up the tunes, and cleaning my room! Baking some banana bread. A little bit of my take-home work...actually, all of it. Haha, that can be procrastinated on too.
I have so much to do tomorrow, and still a really packed week, but ahhhhh the beauty of the freedom from school! I am looking forward to it, letting my brain get mushy for a while.
It's kind of nice though, because there aren't a whole lot of times when I can get my mind to just mellow out. This time is almost one of those times. Naps, and random tv, and the days after the end of a semester. When my brain downshifts from 5th gear, straight to 1st; it is beautiful. Relaxing.
I've been on an instrumental music kick, as of late. I just toss on my Pandora, and chill out, write if possible. It's so relaxing. I would've never thought 2 years ago I would like any kind of instrumental rock, but I love it!
I am looking forward to tomorrow. Cranking up the tunes, and cleaning my room! Baking some banana bread. A little bit of my take-home work...actually, all of it. Haha, that can be procrastinated on too.
I have so much to do tomorrow, and still a really packed week, but ahhhhh the beauty of the freedom from school! I am looking forward to it, letting my brain get mushy for a while.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Keane && Mat Kearney
Pretty much verbatim from my journal (kind of lazy, but oh well):
Carrie and I went to the concert yesterday, it was pure awesome! Talented musicians! First off, we got there at 6:15, doors open at 7, and show starts at 8. Totally worth statnding in the rain without an umbrella for. We were like 3 people back. The opening band was called The Helio Sequence. They were 2 guys and a computer; a drummer, and a singer-guitarist. They were good, mostly because they really played off one another, and coexisted I guess you could say (2 AM language, there), also they were definitely passionate about it. The drummer was weird though, he moved his mouth opened and closed like he was taking a huge bite out of something. I realized after one song that he reminded me of animal from the muppets. Eerily similar.
Then Mat Kearney came on! He was awesome as before, except this time i was MAYBE 25 feet away. Probably less. He played 6 songs from his first album, his latest single, and the rest were new. He played piano for "All I Need", and I swearing during it he and I locked eyes for like 20 seconds straight~ I kid not. I don't make this stuff up. I got at least one good pic of him looking right into the camera! So great. He was wearing what I think was a fedora. He's just a cute man, awesome musician.
Then, Keane came on and they were sick! I mean they just tore it up, on there. After the first song the main singer said it was good to be back in Minnesota, and that the crowd should just sing their hearts out. So everybody was singing along with him. He was totally feeding off the crowd, dancing around, offerring the mic to the crowd to sing the chorus on more than one occasion. He even came really close for us to take photos; I got a good one of him looking right into the camera, too! They were so much fun.
I am so fascinated with music and musicians because it is so awesome to me, and I can't understand it. I get the art of it, but not the science. The technicalities I can't get, but the passion I do. I think that mystery is part of what makes a concert so cool, the other part being watching somebody who is so passionate about it. It's cool to watch them literally play off one another, and figuratively harmonize. It's so great, the way they relate. Totally rocking out, and trying to read each others' vibes, and incorporate that sort of musical conversation they've got going.
So cool. Like I said, so fascinated with music. Love it.
Carrie and I went to the concert yesterday, it was pure awesome! Talented musicians! First off, we got there at 6:15, doors open at 7, and show starts at 8. Totally worth statnding in the rain without an umbrella for. We were like 3 people back. The opening band was called The Helio Sequence. They were 2 guys and a computer; a drummer, and a singer-guitarist. They were good, mostly because they really played off one another, and coexisted I guess you could say (2 AM language, there), also they were definitely passionate about it. The drummer was weird though, he moved his mouth opened and closed like he was taking a huge bite out of something. I realized after one song that he reminded me of animal from the muppets. Eerily similar.
Then Mat Kearney came on! He was awesome as before, except this time i was MAYBE 25 feet away. Probably less. He played 6 songs from his first album, his latest single, and the rest were new. He played piano for "All I Need", and I swearing during it he and I locked eyes for like 20 seconds straight~ I kid not. I don't make this stuff up. I got at least one good pic of him looking right into the camera! So great. He was wearing what I think was a fedora. He's just a cute man, awesome musician.
Then, Keane came on and they were sick! I mean they just tore it up, on there. After the first song the main singer said it was good to be back in Minnesota, and that the crowd should just sing their hearts out. So everybody was singing along with him. He was totally feeding off the crowd, dancing around, offerring the mic to the crowd to sing the chorus on more than one occasion. He even came really close for us to take photos; I got a good one of him looking right into the camera, too! They were so much fun.
I am so fascinated with music and musicians because it is so awesome to me, and I can't understand it. I get the art of it, but not the science. The technicalities I can't get, but the passion I do. I think that mystery is part of what makes a concert so cool, the other part being watching somebody who is so passionate about it. It's cool to watch them literally play off one another, and figuratively harmonize. It's so great, the way they relate. Totally rocking out, and trying to read each others' vibes, and incorporate that sort of musical conversation they've got going.
So cool. Like I said, so fascinated with music. Love it.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Stupidity Looms
stupidity looms itself,
over my weary head,
recounting all the things i've said,
wondering what i've done wrong,
and if this is going to take long,
asking myself if i can do it,
and will it be worth it to go through it,
am i allowed to change my mind again?
what will it mean then?
if i don't know where i'm going,
but i know that for now i've stopped,
can i get back the ball i dropped?
i hate this fork in the road,
that's got me lost,
when i thought i was found;
i thought i was fine,
should i be buying time instead of killing it?
when i've got an empty head,
and none of this is filling it?
what am i doing here?
nothing right, - i fear,
what have i gotten into,
was i really listening to You?
over my weary head,
recounting all the things i've said,
wondering what i've done wrong,
and if this is going to take long,
asking myself if i can do it,
and will it be worth it to go through it,
am i allowed to change my mind again?
what will it mean then?
if i don't know where i'm going,
but i know that for now i've stopped,
can i get back the ball i dropped?
i hate this fork in the road,
that's got me lost,
when i thought i was found;
i thought i was fine,
should i be buying time instead of killing it?
when i've got an empty head,
and none of this is filling it?
what am i doing here?
nothing right, - i fear,
what have i gotten into,
was i really listening to You?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
It Was a Skirt Day
Wow! I have not blogged in forever, it seems. I have not written anything in quite a while, songs or poetry, basically anything creative. That is saddening.
40 minutes of my life just flew by, and I don't know where they went. That always freaks me out.
I had a lot of tacos this week. Lots and lots of tacos. And yet, I am not sick of tacos. Yum. I still have lots of tacos to eat. Haha. So many...i can't even say it anymore. Tacos.
Last week was, uh, kinda dull. That's harsh, it wasn't dull. Things happened. I just can't remember what, if anything significant. My semester finished, kind of oddly. It just felt like a sentence that trails off. (that IS fitting of my life, as I tend to do that...a lot, I've noticed.) I was kinda sad, for the two classes in which i actually talk to friends, and for the other two classes I actually enjoyed my time in.
It's going to be weird going in the summer, and then not being here in the fall. AHHHHH!!! Paris! Everything's coming together, so closed to finished with the app that was all due april 1st...stupid complications! At least they haven't cut me off, by some miracle of God. If I couldn't go until spring it wouldn't be the end of the world, but it WOULD feel like I'm never gonna go.
Lately I've found it ironic to wear my old long sleeved red christmas T from caribou. I don't really know why. I love all my old coffee shirts. I will never get rid of them!
Today was nice. I woke up, and reached over next to my bed to grab "Streams in the Desert" and started my day with a devotion. It was nice to set the tone for the day. I don't know why I don't do this more often, but it was nice to just chill in my bed and read it. The beginning verse really struck me, too, because it fits my life right now so well. I am so thankful for where I'm at with just about everything right now! Things are not perfect, they're never perfect, or even ideal, but I am so thankful.
What a great day? I got to see my three best friends all in one day, AND my mommy!! It's been a while since I've done that. I love those girls, I'd be a socially awkward, stressed out, depressed mess without them. That's not even an adequate description of what kind of mess I'd be, haha.
Also, it was a skirt day. When I was getting dressed, I just felt like wearing a skirt. It felt super girly, and at two points I was also wearing heels (and lookin' good i might add; i love those heels, they boost my height and my confidence). It was a skirt day.
Today was just a nice day. Nice todays make me look forward to nice tomorrows.
Ahhhhh, MAT KEARNEY! I am going to see him friday. That's all for now.
40 minutes of my life just flew by, and I don't know where they went. That always freaks me out.
I had a lot of tacos this week. Lots and lots of tacos. And yet, I am not sick of tacos. Yum. I still have lots of tacos to eat. Haha. So many...i can't even say it anymore. Tacos.
Last week was, uh, kinda dull. That's harsh, it wasn't dull. Things happened. I just can't remember what, if anything significant. My semester finished, kind of oddly. It just felt like a sentence that trails off. (that IS fitting of my life, as I tend to do that...a lot, I've noticed.) I was kinda sad, for the two classes in which i actually talk to friends, and for the other two classes I actually enjoyed my time in.
It's going to be weird going in the summer, and then not being here in the fall. AHHHHH!!! Paris! Everything's coming together, so closed to finished with the app that was all due april 1st...stupid complications! At least they haven't cut me off, by some miracle of God. If I couldn't go until spring it wouldn't be the end of the world, but it WOULD feel like I'm never gonna go.
Lately I've found it ironic to wear my old long sleeved red christmas T from caribou. I don't really know why. I love all my old coffee shirts. I will never get rid of them!
Today was nice. I woke up, and reached over next to my bed to grab "Streams in the Desert" and started my day with a devotion. It was nice to set the tone for the day. I don't know why I don't do this more often, but it was nice to just chill in my bed and read it. The beginning verse really struck me, too, because it fits my life right now so well. I am so thankful for where I'm at with just about everything right now! Things are not perfect, they're never perfect, or even ideal, but I am so thankful.
What a great day? I got to see my three best friends all in one day, AND my mommy!! It's been a while since I've done that. I love those girls, I'd be a socially awkward, stressed out, depressed mess without them. That's not even an adequate description of what kind of mess I'd be, haha.
Also, it was a skirt day. When I was getting dressed, I just felt like wearing a skirt. It felt super girly, and at two points I was also wearing heels (and lookin' good i might add; i love those heels, they boost my height and my confidence). It was a skirt day.
Today was just a nice day. Nice todays make me look forward to nice tomorrows.
Ahhhhh, MAT KEARNEY! I am going to see him friday. That's all for now.
Monday, May 04, 2009
C'est Dommage
It's 2 AM. I have a blank word document sitting in front of me. And although I am a master-procrastinator, I am even a little disgusted with myself. A single page. I hate this book. I am finished with it, I would like it to stay that way. I know I am gonna be so ready to sleep in like an hour. It won't even take me that long. Why I am so afraid to start this paper? Oh yeah, I hate this book and don't really know what to say about it, even if the topics are laid out right in front of me.
Enough, even if it sucks, I'm just gonna do it. I may be good at BSing lit papers, but I've never BSed a lit paper in french...
Enough, even if it sucks, I'm just gonna do it. I may be good at BSing lit papers, but I've never BSed a lit paper in french...
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Where I Might Have Been
Just went for an extra long walk, cause my dog is at my parents' house. I wanted to photograph, because I have not (for kicks) in quite some time, it seems. While I was walking around I was thinking about how much I love where I live. How blessed I have been throughout this semester, to have ended up here.
There are at least 4 crazy things about this apartment; so-called coincidences, or facets of its location that just make it awesome. When I think about moving out of it, I get sad. I really love it, I'm so comfortable here.
But again, on the notion of how everything fell into place and the location being perfect, I know I'm in the right place. I've kind of been thinking about how different things are than I imagined, how different my life is. It's not as picturesque, but I don't care an ounce. It doesn't distress me anymore to think about the fact that I could've been living in california right now. It wouldn't be this good. I could be going to [my former dream] art school, but it wouldn't be this good. My life could've been way different, but it's really good just the way it is.
There are at least 4 crazy things about this apartment; so-called coincidences, or facets of its location that just make it awesome. When I think about moving out of it, I get sad. I really love it, I'm so comfortable here.
But again, on the notion of how everything fell into place and the location being perfect, I know I'm in the right place. I've kind of been thinking about how different things are than I imagined, how different my life is. It's not as picturesque, but I don't care an ounce. It doesn't distress me anymore to think about the fact that I could've been living in california right now. It wouldn't be this good. I could be going to [my former dream] art school, but it wouldn't be this good. My life could've been way different, but it's really good just the way it is.
Space Cadet...blast off!
I want to brush my teeth, - I have cigar breath. I had one today, too, - my family did a clean up of our garage after 21 years. Random fact: I am 18.
My head is kind of spacey right now, - I am a space cadet. I am excited to sleep SOON!
I have just been realizing how everything has been falling into place, even though it has been in shambles. Shambles that manage to work. Things have been really good amidst a big sea of poo. That is my 2AM way of describing this revelation that would otherwise be poetic, possibly.
The semester is almost over. I can soon say I survived my first semester at the U of M! Whether or not I get the needed GPA...well that is completely unbeknownst. Apparently unbeknownst is not a word...I could have sworn that was a word...
I am trying to catch up Keane currently, despite my latest addiction being The Shins. Oh the conflicts within me! Haha, at least it's music and not something more intense! I didn't even know they (keane) had a new album, so I only know the first one! Now I am forced to prepare for the concert I will be going to in 13 days!! I am so excited. But i need to absorb this music.
I also need to sleep.
(Pardon the strangeness, I am still running off of last night's 5 hours of sleep, and today's 2 benadryl, cup of half-caf, and 2 cups of tea, as well as being subjected to boundless mold and other fungi)
My head is kind of spacey right now, - I am a space cadet. I am excited to sleep SOON!
I have just been realizing how everything has been falling into place, even though it has been in shambles. Shambles that manage to work. Things have been really good amidst a big sea of poo. That is my 2AM way of describing this revelation that would otherwise be poetic, possibly.
The semester is almost over. I can soon say I survived my first semester at the U of M! Whether or not I get the needed GPA...well that is completely unbeknownst. Apparently unbeknownst is not a word...I could have sworn that was a word...
I am trying to catch up Keane currently, despite my latest addiction being The Shins. Oh the conflicts within me! Haha, at least it's music and not something more intense! I didn't even know they (keane) had a new album, so I only know the first one! Now I am forced to prepare for the concert I will be going to in 13 days!! I am so excited. But i need to absorb this music.
I also need to sleep.
(Pardon the strangeness, I am still running off of last night's 5 hours of sleep, and today's 2 benadryl, cup of half-caf, and 2 cups of tea, as well as being subjected to boundless mold and other fungi)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
She Wants to Be A Hippie
she wants to be a hippie
with her long brown hair
nomad ways and style with a flare
dancing around like she just ain't sure
she wants to be a hippie
and i wanna be her
with her long brown hair
nomad ways and style with a flare
dancing around like she just ain't sure
she wants to be a hippie
and i wanna be her
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
(Prolly really boring) My Day In A Nutshell
Tuesdays rock. Today was overall quite a good day. I woke up (officially, that is, as in got out my bed...) a mere 40 minutes before class, less 10 minutes commute. Class was okay, nothing too exciting. Got out early, which was nice. Not long after I got home, I hit up the grocery store to buy fruit for my masterpiece: Fruit Pizza! Haha, next time, I think i'll try to be more artistic with it.
I took the dog for our usual walk, just a bit shorter than normal because I had to finish the pizza-prep. Small group was fun, Shayne came along! He's so darn cute, just love him! Small group was awesome, as usual. Stopped by to see Carrie briefly. Talked while sitting on my car, haha. Got home finally, and took the dog out for her night-potty-walk. I cleverly named them "potty-walks". Then, I talked on the phone with my mom for 45 minutes about everything and nothing. I miss her. I want a hug right now :(
So that is my day in a nutshell. Not all that exciting, and I have no clue why I just did this. I felt like it. So that's that. Happy Tuesday everybody!!
I took the dog for our usual walk, just a bit shorter than normal because I had to finish the pizza-prep. Small group was fun, Shayne came along! He's so darn cute, just love him! Small group was awesome, as usual. Stopped by to see Carrie briefly. Talked while sitting on my car, haha. Got home finally, and took the dog out for her night-potty-walk. I cleverly named them "potty-walks". Then, I talked on the phone with my mom for 45 minutes about everything and nothing. I miss her. I want a hug right now :(
So that is my day in a nutshell. Not all that exciting, and I have no clue why I just did this. I felt like it. So that's that. Happy Tuesday everybody!!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I am afraid of flying
I have been keeping my eye on flights, for Paris, finding out the best sites and dates to leave, trying to figure out what time I want to arrive and all that jazz. Every time I do it, I get really excited thinking about how I really want to go to Paris! It's really gonna happen (provided normandale gets me my freaking transcript EVER...).
Then, I'm searching flights, and I see the kind of planes I'd be flying on...757...I am really freaked out by planes. I can't wrap my head around something that big floating on wind. Totally psychs me out!! Haha, I am going to have to suffer though, for the sake of Paris.
J'ai peur des avions et je vais manquer ma chienne!
Then, I'm searching flights, and I see the kind of planes I'd be flying on...757...I am really freaked out by planes. I can't wrap my head around something that big floating on wind. Totally psychs me out!! Haha, I am going to have to suffer though, for the sake of Paris.
J'ai peur des avions et je vais manquer ma chienne!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A Question I Cannot Answer
Why do stereotypes bother me so much? - I don't know. It's the notion that people think that people are all the same; that they're not individuals. Yet, I also hate being told I am the exception to the stereotype, even though it could well be put upon me, all the while it recklessly wages on "inspite of me". I guess I just hate stereotypes, which is rather hypocritical of me, because I know I can be found using them. They're not accurate. There's no way that a list of qualities (or flaws) can perfectly fit someone simply because of one aspect of their life.
It bothers me because if I find that a stereotype is cast on me, I try to live my life differently; I try to escape its wrath. I've never been one of those people that clings loudly to my uniqueness (or at least, I don't think so...), or tried outlandishly to be obviously different. I don't like that something like that gets to me. I don't like that the only way to escape them is for one to prove their self. I guess that is within our nature, (not to excuse it) that we expect people to prove themselves. Yet no one likes someone who is constantly trying to prove their self. I hate being forced to prove myself, I've never liked it because I don't believe I have to prove anything to anyone. Having to prove one's self, means living up to someone else's expectations. Why should someone be forced to change to fit another's expectations? Particularly, when they are not involved in each other's lives, to a point that the person they are is not enough?
I don't like stereotypes (but who does, really...) because I feel like they trap people; they put them in a box. They make people out to be different than they are, without bothering to truly get to know them. They are a useless tool of fear because we as humans want things to be our way, and everyone to be like us...and yet we want to be different. We intend to constantly point out differences amongst people. We want to highlight how they are not like us, but then we are offended when the world notices that we are different. It is a constant, vicious cycle that if you stop to try to pull it apart, it's like untangling a tiny, delicate necklace.
Stereotypes enable fear and ignorance, because we do not bother to understand someone that is different from us. We do not believe in individuality, and yet we do so strongly.
So which do we say it is?
It bothers me because if I find that a stereotype is cast on me, I try to live my life differently; I try to escape its wrath. I've never been one of those people that clings loudly to my uniqueness (or at least, I don't think so...), or tried outlandishly to be obviously different. I don't like that something like that gets to me. I don't like that the only way to escape them is for one to prove their self. I guess that is within our nature, (not to excuse it) that we expect people to prove themselves. Yet no one likes someone who is constantly trying to prove their self. I hate being forced to prove myself, I've never liked it because I don't believe I have to prove anything to anyone. Having to prove one's self, means living up to someone else's expectations. Why should someone be forced to change to fit another's expectations? Particularly, when they are not involved in each other's lives, to a point that the person they are is not enough?
I don't like stereotypes (but who does, really...) because I feel like they trap people; they put them in a box. They make people out to be different than they are, without bothering to truly get to know them. They are a useless tool of fear because we as humans want things to be our way, and everyone to be like us...and yet we want to be different. We intend to constantly point out differences amongst people. We want to highlight how they are not like us, but then we are offended when the world notices that we are different. It is a constant, vicious cycle that if you stop to try to pull it apart, it's like untangling a tiny, delicate necklace.
Stereotypes enable fear and ignorance, because we do not bother to understand someone that is different from us. We do not believe in individuality, and yet we do so strongly.
So which do we say it is?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Paper Marathon
I would really enjoy a trip to the chiropractor. My back would really enjoy a trip to the chiropractor, but alas, I am too poor. I am but a lowly college student, sans job.
I am currently avoiding homework. Shocker! I do so much better under pressure when it comes to writing papers. It's the truth. With this though, I've been thinking about it for a while, which is good. It's the proposal for my final project, so although I haven't written the paper (1-2 pages) yet, I have been thinking about the project. I kind of work better that way, I guess. I prefer to do a paper all in one sitting, and then edit a bunch. I don't like to put my thoughts on hold to come back later. It's always failed me in the past; I'll come back and not have a clue what I was doing. I like marathoning it.
Off to do yet another!
I am currently avoiding homework. Shocker! I do so much better under pressure when it comes to writing papers. It's the truth. With this though, I've been thinking about it for a while, which is good. It's the proposal for my final project, so although I haven't written the paper (1-2 pages) yet, I have been thinking about the project. I kind of work better that way, I guess. I prefer to do a paper all in one sitting, and then edit a bunch. I don't like to put my thoughts on hold to come back later. It's always failed me in the past; I'll come back and not have a clue what I was doing. I like marathoning it.
Off to do yet another!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Title-less...cause i'm hyper/tired
I learned two things about my dog this week:
1. She is afraid of accordions.
2. She apparently loves sour patch kids. She begs like nobody's business when they are around. Made the most depressed face I've ever seen on a dog. But she gave up quickly.
I am SO excited it's the weekend!!!! I have got some awesome plans. I will have been at some sort of church function a good amount of times this week. 4 to be exact. 3 the week before. It is nice. I like church stuff. I've missed being involved in a church! One of these lovely things I will be going to tomorrow night is Open Mic night! I have been wanting to check this out because if it's not too intimidating I might read some poetry next time. I don't know what I have that I'm proud of enough, that's not too dark, or too weirdly romantic or bitter to read at church...lol, but uh, hey I could scrounge up something.
Then I might get to hang out with Tasha, my beautiful sister-in-law. Possibly a sleep over, but at least promising for a good manicure and girl chat! Then saturday night, Sara is coming over and we are having our second sleep over of the school year! Sadly, our schedules are hectic, so it's only the second. But this also promises to be a blast. Can't go wrong, and maybe i'll get her caffeinated! Muahahaha!
So I just have to survive tomorrow and...I'M HOME FREE! Yippy! Hopefully the pop, candy, coffee, and justin timberlake i've absorbed tonight won't leave me feeling crappy tomorrow (seeing as it's made me feel a little giddy). Toodles!
1. She is afraid of accordions.
2. She apparently loves sour patch kids. She begs like nobody's business when they are around. Made the most depressed face I've ever seen on a dog. But she gave up quickly.
I am SO excited it's the weekend!!!! I have got some awesome plans. I will have been at some sort of church function a good amount of times this week. 4 to be exact. 3 the week before. It is nice. I like church stuff. I've missed being involved in a church! One of these lovely things I will be going to tomorrow night is Open Mic night! I have been wanting to check this out because if it's not too intimidating I might read some poetry next time. I don't know what I have that I'm proud of enough, that's not too dark, or too weirdly romantic or bitter to read at church...lol, but uh, hey I could scrounge up something.
Then I might get to hang out with Tasha, my beautiful sister-in-law. Possibly a sleep over, but at least promising for a good manicure and girl chat! Then saturday night, Sara is coming over and we are having our second sleep over of the school year! Sadly, our schedules are hectic, so it's only the second. But this also promises to be a blast. Can't go wrong, and maybe i'll get her caffeinated! Muahahaha!
So I just have to survive tomorrow and...I'M HOME FREE! Yippy! Hopefully the pop, candy, coffee, and justin timberlake i've absorbed tonight won't leave me feeling crappy tomorrow (seeing as it's made me feel a little giddy). Toodles!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Kind Of Mellow Day
It has been a nice day. I biked to class, despite attempting to take the bus...as is usual lately. My first class got out 15 minutes early, so I had a half hour to kill. It was GORGEOUS! out today, so I decided a little stroll over to coffman might be plausible. I went and got some Jamba, and then I decided I wanted to be a cool college student and hang out on the lawn. So I did.
Got home after class, chilled out a bit. Did some dishes. Took the dog on her afternoon poo-stroll. Then I headed over to the protest to act as a journalist. I haven't written anything yet, or uploaded pictures but I think more of an idea of what I want to say will come together when I look at them. I took 260 pictures. I was mad at myself for not bringing another card, because I kept having to delete other stuff. At any rate, I didn't feel like a big deal because I was just working my way through the crowd photographing, and every once in a while typing a worthy quote into my phone.
As I was driving home, the sky and sunset were so beautiful I was hankering for more photographing! But I knew I would settle for a nice night walk with the dog. We went down towards the stone arch, just cause I am so MADLY in love with a twilight sky that I had to see the cityscape. I was enthralled by the beauty, as I usually am, so then I decided heck, let's go on the bridge. We did, and there was someone maybe a quarter of the way down playing the accordion.
It was hysterical; the closer we got, the more antsy Roxi got. She was totally freaked out by the accordionist! I mean, not so much by him but the accordion. It was so weird, for a dog who's not afraid of almost anything to be afraid of an instrument...it was so amusing. She walked on the total opposite side of the bridge, and even stopped cold to bark at him. Poor guy, probably didn't know what her deal was. It pretty much made my day. That and "bah-humbug".
And now, for the conclusion, I will watch "Seven Pounds", and leave some of my homework for tomorrow. Cheerio!
Got home after class, chilled out a bit. Did some dishes. Took the dog on her afternoon poo-stroll. Then I headed over to the protest to act as a journalist. I haven't written anything yet, or uploaded pictures but I think more of an idea of what I want to say will come together when I look at them. I took 260 pictures. I was mad at myself for not bringing another card, because I kept having to delete other stuff. At any rate, I didn't feel like a big deal because I was just working my way through the crowd photographing, and every once in a while typing a worthy quote into my phone.
As I was driving home, the sky and sunset were so beautiful I was hankering for more photographing! But I knew I would settle for a nice night walk with the dog. We went down towards the stone arch, just cause I am so MADLY in love with a twilight sky that I had to see the cityscape. I was enthralled by the beauty, as I usually am, so then I decided heck, let's go on the bridge. We did, and there was someone maybe a quarter of the way down playing the accordion.
It was hysterical; the closer we got, the more antsy Roxi got. She was totally freaked out by the accordionist! I mean, not so much by him but the accordion. It was so weird, for a dog who's not afraid of almost anything to be afraid of an instrument...it was so amusing. She walked on the total opposite side of the bridge, and even stopped cold to bark at him. Poor guy, probably didn't know what her deal was. It pretty much made my day. That and "bah-humbug".
And now, for the conclusion, I will watch "Seven Pounds", and leave some of my homework for tomorrow. Cheerio!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Let Me Go, Boys, Let Me Go...
Listening to Coldplay's Prospect's March EP. If you don't yet have it get it! I almost like it better than the album, which took a while to grow on me because it was so different. The EP (much more like what I would expect out of them) is great sunny day music. It's like you want to look at something that's seemingly magical while listening to it.
Hence, I'm sitting at my kitchen table which I love to do, but almost never do; looking out the window at a sunny scene, while waiting for my noodles to chill. I felt like cooking. I am becoming domesticated. I have been having random urges to cook. Sometimes, I fight them and then sleep, or eat something really processed instead. Other times, like friday (brownies) and today (pasta), I put forth the small effort of preparing something from a box that requires the addition of eggs or vegetable oil.
I guess it's breaking the ice for me and cooking to repair our relationship. Things haven't been good since the baking soda incident...or any of the multiple burning incidents. I am building up to making things by recipe again. I'm also getting more comfortable with my gas oven and stove. The stove top doesn't freak me out that much, but the oven and the *BOOSH* noise that happens when it lights again in the middle of baking something. Yes, maybe it is possible for me to get at least comfortable with cooking again, if not good at it. I do however, truly enjoy whisking things. It makes me feel fancy.
Time to check the noodles!
Hence, I'm sitting at my kitchen table which I love to do, but almost never do; looking out the window at a sunny scene, while waiting for my noodles to chill. I felt like cooking. I am becoming domesticated. I have been having random urges to cook. Sometimes, I fight them and then sleep, or eat something really processed instead. Other times, like friday (brownies) and today (pasta), I put forth the small effort of preparing something from a box that requires the addition of eggs or vegetable oil.
I guess it's breaking the ice for me and cooking to repair our relationship. Things haven't been good since the baking soda incident...or any of the multiple burning incidents. I am building up to making things by recipe again. I'm also getting more comfortable with my gas oven and stove. The stove top doesn't freak me out that much, but the oven and the *BOOSH* noise that happens when it lights again in the middle of baking something. Yes, maybe it is possible for me to get at least comfortable with cooking again, if not good at it. I do however, truly enjoy whisking things. It makes me feel fancy.
Time to check the noodles!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Summing Up The WHOLE Week...It's a biggun
This has been a crazy tough week, with it's definite positive moments. I had a 6-10 page paper due this monday, on something I didn't even think I could pull out of my butt, and I'm rather proud of my ability to BS papers. I managed to make it just over 6 pages, and I didn't feel that bad about the paper. It's probably C material.
I got out of my class on friday early because of my finagling, I skipped one class. I did the in class homework and finished just before class was supposed to start. I had also ridden my bike to class (cause I missed my bus...) so when I left early (and had no French) I just got to ride my bike home; no waiting on buses.
It helped that it was GORGEOUS! out on Friday afternoon. The minute I got home, I turned around with my dog and my camera, and we went on a walk. The stone arch bridge is our new nine mile creek (i.e. our new regular walking spot). We went down there, and there's a stairway to down under the bridge by the shore of the misses-sip that was blocked off until the true arrival of spring. Finally, seeing that it was opened now, we went down there. We did an off-road hike, as I like to say. We climbed all over, and I love to take pictures of graffiti (don't know why, I just think it's a cool art-form) even though it's unoriginal because someone else did the hard work, but there was a ton down there so I had a field-day.
Then I went into Bloomington to hang out with my dearest at the Jap Gardens. From last saturday til this saturday I saw Sara 4 times! It was awesome.
I had been weirdly excited for Good Friday for a while now (like more than a month) because I was interested to see how my new church did it considering they're not tradition in any way except their use of a bible, a pastor, and a common gathering place. I really liked how they did the service. It was probably my favorite that I've gone to; the most emotional, anyways which is why I liked it. Very somber. Props to Mercy (the church, not the noun but that too).
So today was nice too cause I got to hang out with my sibs a bit. We went to the guthrie, which it was a beautiful day for. Then when we went over to my rents' we hung out some more. It was just a good old time, I love them! It's cool to be friends with them now, as opposed to not even liking each other like 6 years ago. We played Guitar Hero, which only furthered the disintegration of my dwindling hope to learn guitar someday. It's embarrassing; there's a reason I don't play it (the game, that is).
Overall, a good weekend. And it's nice to face the week ahead of me, not feeling overwhelmed that tomorrow is the beginning of yet another. I almost look forward to it, because I don't know what it's going to be, - instead of fearing it for that reason. I guess this weekend has me overall feeling hopeful.
I got out of my class on friday early because of my finagling, I skipped one class. I did the in class homework and finished just before class was supposed to start. I had also ridden my bike to class (cause I missed my bus...) so when I left early (and had no French) I just got to ride my bike home; no waiting on buses.
It helped that it was GORGEOUS! out on Friday afternoon. The minute I got home, I turned around with my dog and my camera, and we went on a walk. The stone arch bridge is our new nine mile creek (i.e. our new regular walking spot). We went down there, and there's a stairway to down under the bridge by the shore of the misses-sip that was blocked off until the true arrival of spring. Finally, seeing that it was opened now, we went down there. We did an off-road hike, as I like to say. We climbed all over, and I love to take pictures of graffiti (don't know why, I just think it's a cool art-form) even though it's unoriginal because someone else did the hard work, but there was a ton down there so I had a field-day.
Then I went into Bloomington to hang out with my dearest at the Jap Gardens. From last saturday til this saturday I saw Sara 4 times! It was awesome.
I had been weirdly excited for Good Friday for a while now (like more than a month) because I was interested to see how my new church did it considering they're not tradition in any way except their use of a bible, a pastor, and a common gathering place. I really liked how they did the service. It was probably my favorite that I've gone to; the most emotional, anyways which is why I liked it. Very somber. Props to Mercy (the church, not the noun but that too).
So today was nice too cause I got to hang out with my sibs a bit. We went to the guthrie, which it was a beautiful day for. Then when we went over to my rents' we hung out some more. It was just a good old time, I love them! It's cool to be friends with them now, as opposed to not even liking each other like 6 years ago. We played Guitar Hero, which only furthered the disintegration of my dwindling hope to learn guitar someday. It's embarrassing; there's a reason I don't play it (the game, that is).
Overall, a good weekend. And it's nice to face the week ahead of me, not feeling overwhelmed that tomorrow is the beginning of yet another. I almost look forward to it, because I don't know what it's going to be, - instead of fearing it for that reason. I guess this weekend has me overall feeling hopeful.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
My Brain is Overflowing
I'm sitting at a cafe, "Overflow" to be exact, distracted. I might also be dying of chocolate peanut-butter rice krispy bar...UGHHHHH. Possibly a mistake. I want more coffee, but anyone in their right mind would not drink a 3rd cup at 8:30 at night. I'll hopefully get a rocket-propelled type reaction to my 2 cups sometime in the next hour. Or maybe that's why I'm distracted. The first cup kicked in and is closely followed by the second, hence I cannot think about my paper at the moment. Paper.
I guess it's alright, I do all my best homework after dark. It's barely the end of twilight right now. (Decaf, it's happening - half-caf rather.) I'm getting a little jittery, I think that's why blogging was a good choice. Or a better idea than working on a paper that I have no clue what to write it about, because at least with blogging I can type as quickly as my brain is doling out the thoughts. They might be pointless thoughts, but thoughts and duties for my fingers nonetheless.
I got my car back today. It was great; a total sight for sore eyes! I missed it so much. I opened the door and Boomer's new-old car smell flew right under my nose, it was bliss. A reunion with an old friend. It's gonna take a little while to get used to driving again, I'm in SUV mode, so it's been a little strange. Plus, when you have thousands of dollars worth (key word being: WORTH, as in the value, not the cost) of work done on the ENGINE, it's a little scary to drive for the first time again because the automatic thought is what if I make it blow up again. So I've been listening to it carefully, and driving more carefully than I used to. It's taking some getting used to. But it's nice, and I have a moon roof again.
I guess it's alright, I do all my best homework after dark. It's barely the end of twilight right now. (Decaf, it's happening - half-caf rather.) I'm getting a little jittery, I think that's why blogging was a good choice. Or a better idea than working on a paper that I have no clue what to write it about, because at least with blogging I can type as quickly as my brain is doling out the thoughts. They might be pointless thoughts, but thoughts and duties for my fingers nonetheless.
I got my car back today. It was great; a total sight for sore eyes! I missed it so much. I opened the door and Boomer's new-old car smell flew right under my nose, it was bliss. A reunion with an old friend. It's gonna take a little while to get used to driving again, I'm in SUV mode, so it's been a little strange. Plus, when you have thousands of dollars worth (key word being: WORTH, as in the value, not the cost) of work done on the ENGINE, it's a little scary to drive for the first time again because the automatic thought is what if I make it blow up again. So I've been listening to it carefully, and driving more carefully than I used to. It's taking some getting used to. But it's nice, and I have a moon roof again.
Let's Blow This Pop-Stand
I think I might really leave this state. I might really leave, after I finish school of course. I'm a little burnt out on the winters here, though I would really miss minneapolis...
I've wanted to live in Colorado ever since our family trips out there. I fell in love with it! I also never went there any other time but summer, but hey, I hate that in minnesota too! I mostly fell in love with the mountains.
I think I could really do it. It depends a lot on how Paris goes this coming fall. I have to see how I can handle living far away, since moving out on my own didn't really pose any serious homesickness seeing that I can easily drive home. It also depends on where my parents are, if they move or not (due to the location of jobs). I'd miss my friends that still live here, too. I've just had this draw to that state, above any other for some time.
I kind of want to get that experience out of the way while I'm young, too. Before I'm tied down. I want to try a bunch of different stuff. Ok, not a bunch, but I'd like to get some real life experiences before I have to start the old 9-5 and get stuck in a rut. Haha, wow I sound so cynical! I'm not, really. That's more the little ounce of pessimism that resides somewhere in the safety and warmth of my logic.
I really have no conclusive though to end this with, just that I may leave Minnesota after school...who knows? OOOOOooh, how I miss the mountains!!
I've wanted to live in Colorado ever since our family trips out there. I fell in love with it! I also never went there any other time but summer, but hey, I hate that in minnesota too! I mostly fell in love with the mountains.
I think I could really do it. It depends a lot on how Paris goes this coming fall. I have to see how I can handle living far away, since moving out on my own didn't really pose any serious homesickness seeing that I can easily drive home. It also depends on where my parents are, if they move or not (due to the location of jobs). I'd miss my friends that still live here, too. I've just had this draw to that state, above any other for some time.
I kind of want to get that experience out of the way while I'm young, too. Before I'm tied down. I want to try a bunch of different stuff. Ok, not a bunch, but I'd like to get some real life experiences before I have to start the old 9-5 and get stuck in a rut. Haha, wow I sound so cynical! I'm not, really. That's more the little ounce of pessimism that resides somewhere in the safety and warmth of my logic.
I really have no conclusive though to end this with, just that I may leave Minnesota after school...who knows? OOOOOooh, how I miss the mountains!!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
It's such, it's such a perfect day...such a perfect day...
It's funny how much weight lifts off your shoulders from turning in a six to ten page paper. Today definitely kicked Monday's butt. Then again, monday my sole thought was that evil paper...and so I felt like today was empty, - but not in a bad way! It was freedom.
Here I am, at the end of the day jamming out to my coldplay-playlist, (I think I'm going to change the title of it from "coldplay mix" to "coldplaylist", how brilliant is that? Or possibly totally cheesy...) I had some good fun air pianoing (that's my new verb, by the way) to "Politik", and driving home to "Strawberry Swing", - love that song! Every time I hear it, it just makes me happy. It's just such a happy song! Rather fitting of my day, too.
I just can't not tap my foot to good music. I'm currently sitting cross-legged, my right foot tucked behind my left leg still keeping up with the beat. Ugh! Music. I need to stop ranting about it; I could go forever and then my nearly non-existent readership would decline to non-existent.
It was so beautifully sunny out today! Oddly enough, I didn't ride my bike today. But I did take the 2, which I've been doing more now that it's actually enjoyable out. So I had a nice little walk to and from the bus stop, gazing at and studying all the beautiful, old houses in my neighborhood.
OH! Clocks. There goes the foot again. A little head nod is necessary with this one. If my rhythm didn't get thrown off the second anyone (including me) pays attention to it, I'd say I'd be good at drums.
Anywho, then I felt like coffee so I went to my Dunn Bros, read the Daily a bit and actually made some decent progress on the crossword! That (and my trip to target, and small group of course) pretty much made my day.
I have been avoiding homework rather thoroughly, though. When I got back from coffee and target, I should've been starting my french paper (which is on a movie of my choice) but instead I felt like cleaning. It was my turn to clean the bathroom. Yup, that's how badly I will avoid homework at times, I cleaned the bathroom instead.
Not realizing I had eaten almost nothing yet, but had a beast of an iced coffee at Dunn's, 6 o'clock rolls around. Carrie comes over since she's in the neighborhood. The whole, oh 35 minutes we were getting ready (me finishing making my bed, since I decided cleaning my room a bit too was a good idea), I was shaking. We were going to get food, so upon realizing I was on empty but full of caffeine, I was still waiting til we went out to eat. One word, pluralized: Gyros. It hit bottom like a pile of dirt hits the bottom of a well, haha. I felt really full.
Then, small group. Which is always enjoyable. Good laughs, good discussion, good food, nice people.
And that leaves us to right now, jamming out to the Coldplaylist. About to stop the music, and commence the homework...*tears*.
Until next time,
Au Revoir!
Here I am, at the end of the day jamming out to my coldplay-playlist, (I think I'm going to change the title of it from "coldplay mix" to "coldplaylist", how brilliant is that? Or possibly totally cheesy...) I had some good fun air pianoing (that's my new verb, by the way) to "Politik", and driving home to "Strawberry Swing", - love that song! Every time I hear it, it just makes me happy. It's just such a happy song! Rather fitting of my day, too.
I just can't not tap my foot to good music. I'm currently sitting cross-legged, my right foot tucked behind my left leg still keeping up with the beat. Ugh! Music. I need to stop ranting about it; I could go forever and then my nearly non-existent readership would decline to non-existent.
It was so beautifully sunny out today! Oddly enough, I didn't ride my bike today. But I did take the 2, which I've been doing more now that it's actually enjoyable out. So I had a nice little walk to and from the bus stop, gazing at and studying all the beautiful, old houses in my neighborhood.
OH! Clocks. There goes the foot again. A little head nod is necessary with this one. If my rhythm didn't get thrown off the second anyone (including me) pays attention to it, I'd say I'd be good at drums.
Anywho, then I felt like coffee so I went to my Dunn Bros, read the Daily a bit and actually made some decent progress on the crossword! That (and my trip to target, and small group of course) pretty much made my day.
I have been avoiding homework rather thoroughly, though. When I got back from coffee and target, I should've been starting my french paper (which is on a movie of my choice) but instead I felt like cleaning. It was my turn to clean the bathroom. Yup, that's how badly I will avoid homework at times, I cleaned the bathroom instead.
Not realizing I had eaten almost nothing yet, but had a beast of an iced coffee at Dunn's, 6 o'clock rolls around. Carrie comes over since she's in the neighborhood. The whole, oh 35 minutes we were getting ready (me finishing making my bed, since I decided cleaning my room a bit too was a good idea), I was shaking. We were going to get food, so upon realizing I was on empty but full of caffeine, I was still waiting til we went out to eat. One word, pluralized: Gyros. It hit bottom like a pile of dirt hits the bottom of a well, haha. I felt really full.
Then, small group. Which is always enjoyable. Good laughs, good discussion, good food, nice people.
And that leaves us to right now, jamming out to the Coldplaylist. About to stop the music, and commence the homework...*tears*.
Until next time,
Au Revoir!
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Paper Mental Break (cause that makes sense)
I am currently taking a mental break from the huge paper that is due monday. This is so not like me, starting a paper days before it's due. Then again, I haven't had a 6-10 page paper since my first year of college, two and a half years ago and we built it up slowly...over time...so I was forced not to procrastinate. Not to mention, I generally don't have 6-10 pages worth of things to say about anything related to school. I'm usually a pretty lengthy person too, so that's weird.
My roommate is currently having a mini-party. Hence, I decided it was a good time to take a mental break and decide whether or not to take a coffee break for which I invite my homework along. It's difficult because I don't even want to do this paper, let alone take this paper out into the public and attempt to do it there.
I could write 6-10 pages on my life. Let me at it! I think I would have trouble with the limit on that one...but a minimum that's just difficult. I really hope it doesn't suck, because I'm never bad at writing papers! In fact, I am great at writing papers! Why do I hate this paper? I have another due next friday, on a novel I haven't read yet. And yet another due next friday, on a movie of my choice, but it's written in French. Then ANOTHER (thank you to all the professors for assigning papers all due at the same time) due I'm not even sure quite when, but I do know soon. I have actually avoided checking because I have a fear it's within the next week too and I need to focus all my worry on this paper, at the moment.
I think the coffee shop is calling me...
My roommate is currently having a mini-party. Hence, I decided it was a good time to take a mental break and decide whether or not to take a coffee break for which I invite my homework along. It's difficult because I don't even want to do this paper, let alone take this paper out into the public and attempt to do it there.
I could write 6-10 pages on my life. Let me at it! I think I would have trouble with the limit on that one...but a minimum that's just difficult. I really hope it doesn't suck, because I'm never bad at writing papers! In fact, I am great at writing papers! Why do I hate this paper? I have another due next friday, on a novel I haven't read yet. And yet another due next friday, on a movie of my choice, but it's written in French. Then ANOTHER (thank you to all the professors for assigning papers all due at the same time) due I'm not even sure quite when, but I do know soon. I have actually avoided checking because I have a fear it's within the next week too and I need to focus all my worry on this paper, at the moment.
I think the coffee shop is calling me...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Lovely Day
What a lovely day it has been overall. I had a bit of hectic stressfulness peppered over my day, but here I sit nearing the end feeling a peace. It has been quite a lovely day.
I didn't really do all that much today. I slept like a rock last night, which was nice in comparison to the night before where my dog kept me up all night because she was sick. I woke up a few times before actually waking up, if you catch my drift. I decided to ride my bike today so I'd have a bit more time to continue waking up. I didn't know it was rainy. I knew it was supposed to, but I didn't bother to check before making said decision. Luckily it didn't rain on me while I was riding.
Part of my stress (and due to later events, peace) today was stopping by the Learning Abroad Office at the U. I like West Bank, but I don't like trying to get back to my side of campus (i.e. East Bank) after venturing beyond. I went to turn in some paperwork, only to find out I have to mail most of it in to the company myself! So I was stressed out because the deadline is tomorrow.
Then I went home and took my dog for a nice little walk. When we got home again, I talked to my mommy! She boosted me up again and told me what I should do. That sounds bad, she's not a bossy parent by any means; I was calling her for reassurance. She told me to look up a fedex station on campus, so I did and had it sent out! So hopefully the stuff I DID have gets there on time...or the ideal, it's supposed to be postmarked the 1st.
Then I went to small group, had a blast again. I think I really like the small group; the format and the people, it's already really comfortable to me. It's nice to have God in the midst of my week too, beyond just my new favorite day. That's not to say he isn't already, but a gathering of people for fellowship and worship. It's nice.
I am just feeling such a nice peace lately. It's probably why I have been having so many lovely days. It's a nice respite from the chaos that I was feeling not too long ago. I know that the only true factor that has caused that change is walking closer with God. My faith has been growing so much since the beginning of this year! I don't even care now if I say some cheesy christian phrase, - if that's the way I need to describe it, then hey! Whatever. I'm just seeing how being in closer relationship with Christ can truly lighten my burdens. And just thinking of how much I am loved: it is mind-blowing.
I didn't really do all that much today. I slept like a rock last night, which was nice in comparison to the night before where my dog kept me up all night because she was sick. I woke up a few times before actually waking up, if you catch my drift. I decided to ride my bike today so I'd have a bit more time to continue waking up. I didn't know it was rainy. I knew it was supposed to, but I didn't bother to check before making said decision. Luckily it didn't rain on me while I was riding.
Part of my stress (and due to later events, peace) today was stopping by the Learning Abroad Office at the U. I like West Bank, but I don't like trying to get back to my side of campus (i.e. East Bank) after venturing beyond. I went to turn in some paperwork, only to find out I have to mail most of it in to the company myself! So I was stressed out because the deadline is tomorrow.
Then I went home and took my dog for a nice little walk. When we got home again, I talked to my mommy! She boosted me up again and told me what I should do. That sounds bad, she's not a bossy parent by any means; I was calling her for reassurance. She told me to look up a fedex station on campus, so I did and had it sent out! So hopefully the stuff I DID have gets there on time...or the ideal, it's supposed to be postmarked the 1st.
Then I went to small group, had a blast again. I think I really like the small group; the format and the people, it's already really comfortable to me. It's nice to have God in the midst of my week too, beyond just my new favorite day. That's not to say he isn't already, but a gathering of people for fellowship and worship. It's nice.
I am just feeling such a nice peace lately. It's probably why I have been having so many lovely days. It's a nice respite from the chaos that I was feeling not too long ago. I know that the only true factor that has caused that change is walking closer with God. My faith has been growing so much since the beginning of this year! I don't even care now if I say some cheesy christian phrase, - if that's the way I need to describe it, then hey! Whatever. I'm just seeing how being in closer relationship with Christ can truly lighten my burdens. And just thinking of how much I am loved: it is mind-blowing.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Can You Dig It, Baby?
I decided Sunday is my new favorite day of the week. Ever since starting this new church, and even last semester with vespers, I've started looking forward to Sunday each week. Thursday used to be the fave, because of sisterly bonding over Grey's Anatomy and it brought Friday which means the weekend has arrived! And Sundays still rock even though after them comes Monday.
My Sundays are usually quite packed, too, but I just love sunday. It makes me think of the country song from my phase, "What I Love About Sunday". Haha, oh, I still can't believe I went through a country phase...
I look forward to church, I don't mind getting up for it (not that it's really that early). I almost always leave sort of high on life; a lovely euphoric feeling, almost a jumpstart to make it through the week to the next Sunday. Then usually coffee with Carrie, or as of late, spaghetti lunch at whatever house it happens to be at. Then possibly a nap (which I haven't been doing the last few weeks), and a walk with my pooch. Then dinner at my parents' house, sometimes with my siblings which is always nice because I miss them so much!! And after that, coffee with "the gang" as I find it is easier to say than Mike, Eric, Margaret, & Me, sometimes followed by Vespers. We're still figuring it out.
I have not felt this at home and intrigued by church in about 2 years. I have not grown so much, or so fast in even longer. It's been such a blessing that it's within my neighborhood, that I have family that goes there (so I didn't have to start alone)...So many things! I just cannot stop raving about how awesome it is because I've already been so blessed going there, and it's only been 3 months!
My Sunday night playlist whilst doing the dishes: "Cette Minute"
"World" - 5 for Fighting
"Lovely Tonight" - Joshua Radin
"Lost Cause" - Beck
"Pictures of You", "Just Like Heaven", & "Friday, I'm In Love" by The Cure
(I went on a Cure binge-shopping trip on iTunes...oops)
My Sundays are usually quite packed, too, but I just love sunday. It makes me think of the country song from my phase, "What I Love About Sunday". Haha, oh, I still can't believe I went through a country phase...
I look forward to church, I don't mind getting up for it (not that it's really that early). I almost always leave sort of high on life; a lovely euphoric feeling, almost a jumpstart to make it through the week to the next Sunday. Then usually coffee with Carrie, or as of late, spaghetti lunch at whatever house it happens to be at. Then possibly a nap (which I haven't been doing the last few weeks), and a walk with my pooch. Then dinner at my parents' house, sometimes with my siblings which is always nice because I miss them so much!! And after that, coffee with "the gang" as I find it is easier to say than Mike, Eric, Margaret, & Me, sometimes followed by Vespers. We're still figuring it out.
I have not felt this at home and intrigued by church in about 2 years. I have not grown so much, or so fast in even longer. It's been such a blessing that it's within my neighborhood, that I have family that goes there (so I didn't have to start alone)...So many things! I just cannot stop raving about how awesome it is because I've already been so blessed going there, and it's only been 3 months!
My Sunday night playlist whilst doing the dishes: "Cette Minute"
"World" - 5 for Fighting
"Lovely Tonight" - Joshua Radin
"Lost Cause" - Beck
"Pictures of You", "Just Like Heaven", & "Friday, I'm In Love" by The Cure
(I went on a Cure binge-shopping trip on iTunes...oops)
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