Semi-Crappy Day to a New Tune

Today has been an odd day. I can't really say it was awful, just not good as I would hope. But I've never really heard of a good Monday...
I didn't want to go to work tonight, and once I got to work, I pretty much didn't want to be there, and once I left work I was so worn out from my blasee (sp?) day that I couldn't even be excited. Boring, bore, bore bore!

I really miss my daisy. I miss autumn walks on sunny days, and coffee in the green chairs with no shoes and a nice coloring book. I miss giggle til absurd hours of the night even though we'd have class the next day! Poo! I miss her. She rocks.

I don't like that I don't get to see my lover (no we are not a real couple; if it weren't for that amazing guy she's dating...haha, jk) only once a week. It makes me lonesome. We have spaztic rants together on that one day though, so it tides me over barely til the next sunday.

I miss my stupid brother that almost never comes over. He's a butthead.

Now I'm just ranting about missing people, haha.

The minute I wanted to go outside and enjoy fall today, it got gray and kinda muggy. Not cool.

This can't be a solely complaining blog, so I will say that I've discovered a new current favorite song! I've been really into rhythmic, acoustic music lately. That's a lot of "ic". It's by this band/guy? called Slow Runner and it is just my fall anthem of the year, I think thus far.

That was one lovely thing about today, it really felt like fall...(that and I got a hold of the september issue of my favorite magazine, if you want to know which one just ask! I bet i'll surprise you!)

The Omnipotent [and mysterious] "Change"

This was originally my comment on my cousin's blog that got so long I decided, heck I'll post it as a blog itself. This is my statement of how I feel about politics right now, and NO! I don't want to discuss it with you, k? That said, feel free to comment, because I won't play along any other time:

Truth be told, yeah there are some liberals (and some conservatives) that have done their research, but there seem to be a lot of people that are sucked into Obama's "I will bring CHANGE,..." "Change, change, change, CHANGE!" - I hear this change stuff is good, but then again I don't know what kind of change Obama's planning on making. My point here is, people get sucked into Obama's ambiguous vortex of "change" and act like he is going to save the world. As a christian it makes me really uncomfortable to see people in the crowds at his rallies with tears rolling down their faces. He's not God. It just makes me feel really eerie; I don't like it.

But to me, McCain is the lesser of two evils, in all honesty. Would've rather had a different republican on the ballot, but I guess I'd say the choice of Palin for V.P. helped seeing as she is probably more conservative than him.

Now, i haven't watched the debates and said I wouldn't, but I'm reconsidering because up until now, all I've heard about are the politics: "oh no Palin's daughter is pregnant" "Obama's covering up the fact that he was once, or possibly still is a Muslim"... as opposed to the straight forward talk about ISSUES. I want to know what this supposed change is that now BOTH parties are promising.

But like I said, from what I've seen of Obama early on in his campaign while McCain was hiding away in a closet somewhere, I don't like him. And maybe the government can't solve all our problems, but if you vote Obama, he's sure as hell going to try. I don't know about the rest of the US, but I'm damned blessed to be born here and I think our system is unique and should be kept that way. If anyone wants a nice socialist country, don't drag the US down, go move to Switzerland or France, and soak it up...because that [socialism] is one direction I'm sure it won't take long for Obama to start promising to head.

Oh and as for gov. run health care, just ask anyone who's lived in Canada for years how GOD AWFUL their system is. It'll make you think twice about implementing that in our lovely country.

Loving the omnipotent "CHANGE" !

Haha, my little crush

This is wrong, but I recently discovered I have a little crush on Jon Stewart. Random, I know...but I think it's the salt and pepper gray [love, love, love], combined with the wittiness, not to mention he doesn't really side with anyone, he picks on both sides which works for someone like me who hates politics. On that note:

"After a quick meet and greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born" - Jon Stewart

Ah, brilliance : )

Reformulating the Plan

I'm really working on getting my creativity un-blocked. I feel really boring lately. All I do is go to school, sleep, and work. Woo-who! Fun life right now. And I miss my friends, I don't see them nearly enough if I get to see them at all. Not even cool...but aside from that, I've just been in a brain fog for what seems like 3 weeks or a month now. I can't even write poetry without rhyming at a second grade rate of AABB...Lord, save us all! It's really awful, I'm sorry if anyone actually reads this and has to put up with the decline in my writing skills. Usually during school I'm very contemplative and write good stuff, I've just been stuck. It's sad.

On another note, I've reformulated my plan for my continuing college years. I will have practically gone long enough to get a doctorate by the time I'm done, but oh well. I was officially offered admittance to the University of Minnesota this past...monday? I don't remember cause the last week has been blurring together. Anyways, I was told not to worry about getting in, but none-the-less, that makes one less thing to worry about. Now it's just taking that leap - it's either that or staying at Normandale which is pretty much not happening. For as much as I'm familiar with how things work there, I'm familiar with how things work there. Point taken? Let's hope. I just have an indecision problem because I fear I'll be wrong and it's not that being wrong is so hard, it's wasting time, effort, MONEY. I want to make the right, wisest decision for my future.

My reformulated plan goes as follows:
+ Spring of 2009 go to the U of M, majoring in Journalism with an emphasis in photojournalsim (it's a mouthful that I actually dislike telling people simply for the risk of stumbling unnecessarily over my words)
+ Summer possibly take summer classes
+ Fall 2009 Study Abroad in Paris through the U of M
+ Spring 2010...GRADUATE! Woot! Now, this is if I decide to do the work my butt off route and studying abroad works into that scheme...otherwise
+ Fall 2010 Graduate

After which, I'd like to attend either the Brooks Institute (maybe live in Santa Barbara for a bit?? sounds good to me) for only a few classes for experience, Hennipen Tech to get an associates in photography (backwards I know, but it makes sense if you wanna know why, ask), or to a Bible School/DTS with YWAM.

I never would've guessed that this would be my plan 4 years ago, when I hated school. Not that I don't now, just that I can't have just one of these things...unless God stears me in a different direction. Or I change my mind again, neither of which should ever shock anyone. So why are you reading this? I mean, yeah I write in hopes...but really? Haha, well, just gotta keep an up to date stance on my life and plans. So off to do some homework, even though I don't have school tomorrow...who am i?

Standing Still & Silent

Can I have your hand,
To hold near my chest,
Nearest my heart,
Then I can rest,
Cause what I see in your eyes,
Is wonderful and true,
They paint a picture of what I see in you,
They glimmer and glisten,
Quiet, like children who listen,
Can you feel my heart pounding,
Excitement resounding,
As I stand enwrapped in you,
Standing still and silent,
I can tell you're in it too,
Strong, frightening, and violent,
Keeping them closed just to see such a sight,
Breathing steady,
Hearts are ready,
To take such a daring flight.

~This is an old one that I'm not quite sure why I didn't post, but I came across it again and thought it should be posted.~

Blah, blah, blah - BLOCKED!

Funny how I state photography as my passion, my decided career path...and writing gets me creatively flowing. Ha! I can't even figure myself out. I have a headache, I'm really overtired and I just want to nap. But I have this impending project that I SHOULD finish. Should. I really just want to take a nap. It's my weekend, I don't want to think about school. That is the last thing on my mind...sorta.

I'm just not good with the whole forced to be creative thing. Which is funny cause why did I sign up a photo class?? Stupid! I'll figure something out, I usually do. Signing off to take a nap.

My thoughts before I dive into my pile of homework...

I have the urge to writes songs right now, but I don't know what about. Just to write songs. I get like a single line, but i don't know whether to make a chorus out of it or a verse, then i don't know what else to surround it with. I just get one line, or phrase.

I'm really tired, and yet i'm procrastinating the crazy workload that i have ahead of me. What else is new? I don't even know quite how big. I guess i'll find out.

I bragged today, i don't like it when i brag. I reflect later and think, wow i probably sounded like a big douche. Probably. I don't like bragging. It's kinda like my interrupting problem, i know i do it, but i haven't figured out how to stop it before it comes out of my mouth. It's bad, and when i interrupt, i usually am too afraid to say sorry, for some weird reason.

I'm trying to get all my creativity and thought out now, so as to clear the ADD from my brain leaving room for the academic mumbo-jumbo to flow.

I feel like from now until monday at about 3 pm i am going to be absolutely beat! I do get SOME recreation this weekend, but even that feels like it will be squished.

See, i have my lease favorite thing about French class on monday. And i can't seem to get out of my head (hence, i'm trying to by writing this) about it. So i'm already fearing it, when it's 3 days away. I just forgot everything. It all fled my brain in a giant hurry after this past spring semester. POOF! Gone. I usually tend to overract about these though, which is me not being able to get out of my head.

I should quit now. Writing that is. I'm scared...here goes!

At Peace

I'm currently enjoying some coldplay and not really concerned with the fact that I should be asleep right now. I feel very relaxed. I have felt very at peace with life's standings right now, that doesn't happen all that often. I'm a worrier. It's nice to just sit and relax my mind and not really worry. Things'll work out in the end, however they're supposed to. Maybe it's the quietness of a cool fall night, combined with cars rushing by on the freeway off in the distance, and a good coldplay tune or two but this is the most relaxed I've felt for a long time. That is my only thought (I've apparently broken the creative thinking block just by confronting it, funny how that works, eh?) for the evening because suddenly my relaxation and peace translated into tiredness.

The Love You Left Behind

Tell me how it got so bad,
That you would sacrifice everything you had,
What was it that made you turn away,
Fearing to face another day,
What is there to bind,
You to the love you left behind,
Maybe you didn't know,
Just how cherished you were,
Maybe you were scared of the flow,
Of the days that began to blur,
Whatever the case you're missed dearly,
And though I don't know you,
You were loved, clearly.

Today's Life Lesson [After 6 Months in the Making]

It's seriously odd how I can have so many billions of thoughts every day that I want to express, but can't find anything to say. I don't know if it's the mundane, same old of school and having all my friends detached from me leaving me with nothing to do, but I've been mentally constipated lately. It's a goofy way to put it, but it pretty much sums it up. I've had so many thoughts, things I want to elaborate on, but I get stuck. Weird, chaotic stuff has been going on, and it's almost like I don't even know how to process it. One lesson I've had today goes a little something like this:

Life is an unknown to us. We think we've got it down pat, then a wrench hits the gears. You never know when your's could be done, or someone dear to you. This past year this has been prepped in me, this lesson. I've been slowly learning this simple lesson, and now it's time to attempt to put it into practice. I kind of hate the phrase life is short. Ask an 80 year old if that's true and I doubt they'll say yes. Just cause it goes by fast, doesn't mean it's short. But life is unpredictable, even with it's constants (yes, I do mean to spell it that way). So the lesson, in short, is this; You never know what it could mean to someone for you to tell them you love them. Pushing to show love in someone's life; to be the love in their life, could change everything.

The world goes mad over a day without coffee

This is so sad, i've been super creatively blocked, so much so, that i'm going back to unfinished poems to work on them, and if i'm lucky enough to make any progress i post them...for the most part, i haven't even finished the already unfinished ones.

The moral of the story kids: don't have a summer break in which you don't leave the state for more than a day.

I can't even form well organized sentences! School can't possibly be stiffling me this much already, can it?

Well, i have a better excuse for today; i didn't have my coffee.