I have no thoughts in my brain these days, and I have a million thoughts in my brain these days. (It's basically as confusing and contradictory as that sentence.) Trying not to think about things too much, cause I've been getting really emotional when I just crack the surface of everything I'm leaving. My conscious, logical side has acknowledged the potential and inevitable difficulty of leaving, it just hasn't fully let this information pass to the emotional side.
Wow, do I sound off? Haha, it's true, I have these two strong parts of me that often battle. It's been good, the times when I have come to a realization. I know I need to get a little bit of this out of my system now so that I don't have a total emotional break down two weeks into Paris.
The logical side of me knows the emotional very well, and is questioning why I'm letting myself do this. Ha. I've thought that several times. I don't like to invest in people, and then walk away, - that which I feel I'll be doing when I leave; I've never been far away from my mother for any significant period of time; I must be crazy. I think that, and then immediately feel like, No. Though I'm sure this late-night rambling isn't making a great case for the "no"...my pragmatic side gets overwhelmed with all the realities, and then I just think, "But I'm doing it."
I'm sure other people feel this way, have felt this way in said sort of situation. I can't help but work this stuff out in a verbal format, or public format, if you will. In other words, I'm just being real here: I'm freaking out a bit, let some emotions hit, but holding some of it off so I can get on the plane and have an adventure.
