I'm set to do something I completely believe in, but I think it will be the hardest thing I've done so far. Just getting on the plane.
On the drive home tonight, I was thinking about everything. And see, I wouldn't really say I'm an overly emotional person, but I have a lot of feelings and I'm an over-thinker. So I have all these feelings, and then when I get around to thinking about them (too much), that's when the emotions hit.
My best friend is getting married, and I won't be here. Another of my best friends is having a baby, and I won't be here. There's this guy...and I won't be here! Someone else I know, is having a baby and I won't be here! My friends will be living life, and I won't be here. My brother will be living life, and I won't be here (you can borrow my friends, Shayne...they're sorta yours too anyways).
I spent an hour driving around, crying - though not dramatically, as it sounds. Embarrassed? a little, despite the fact that I was alone.
I feel caught in this purgatory of
-knowing that this DTS is something I really want to do and is a life-altering thing, and
-knowing that there are a host of things I will be missing, leaving behind, loosening my grip on
...and it's scary. I'm fully committed, but a bit scared out of my wits.
What does it look like to take six months of my life and do this? What is it like when I come back? What if I don't want to come back? I think this is me freaking out a little bit and I can't fire giant rhetorical questions at myself (via blog!) It doesn't help.
Just know that I'm going to miss everything, like crazy and no one should try to convince me to stay because I don't want it to work. And right now, it might work.
