Silenced by Fear of Swimming Against the Current

I try to say I hate talking politics, when not many years ago I'd love a good debate. I say I hate them, but really it's that I find them pointless. It's that I get so passionate about the issues, and my beliefs versus another's, but it never does any good. It never goes anywhere. It's along the lines of a tree falling in a forest.

I don't like to talk politics because I never make my voice big. I'm not the type to stand up and state my opinion, because in general I don't like to make a scene of myself, but also it seems to do no good. It seems like any valid point I'd put out in the atmosphere of political conversation, is like throwing a pebble into the ocean; it does not change the tides.

I find this interesting because people have been saying over the last year or so that we have a voice now more than ever...I think it's a load of crap. Things get big like this; like they are now, people go with the trend. There really isn't a single voice that can speak up for change. Some would say in response, "That's true, but the American people spoke up for change in November", but to that I say the people also spoke up for a change in 2000. Who's to say it's not just cyclical? It's the mob-mentality; people seem to think we need one thing one minute, and a different thing the next because that's what everyone thinks. A crowd drowns out a single voice no matter how powerful the message.

One of the things I've heard paraphrased most by "average americans" interviewed by the media is that "we really have a voice now", "we finally have someone who can represent the american people". How is he any more qualified to do that? How do we have more of a voice now? I must be the sole person blind to this change, but I just don't see it. If anything, I feel like I have been muted; I feel like I have less of a voice now than ever and it really has nothing to do with Obama (except that my ability to have my word will only be lessened by him in the inevitable breaking down of the constitution). It's that one opinion seems to be publicly pushed then it's hard to disagree. I find myself silenced by the fear of swimming against the current.

It makes me wonder, are people just that caught up in the media's hype over President Obama? That they are now truly able to have a voice?

There Was a Time I Could Play a Song

There was a time I could play a song,
But since I played it's been so long,
That every time I try I get it wrong,
I close my eyes to remember each key stroked,
Only an ache in my heart this memory provoked,
And sometimes,
You just,
Give up,
Sometimes,
You just,
Give up,
And you wait on something new,
Something to fill the void in you,
You wait,
Longing for something,
If only a fraction as great,
And the tears get old, so old they don't sting,
Even when you think of how we used to sing...
I smile,
As I'm no longer in denial,
Romanticizing how things were,
Not knowing what they weren't,
Just touching wounds of old,
From when I was burnt,
And you,
You'll call,
But won't be there if I should fall,
Which makes it hurt worst of all.

I close my eyes to remember each joke,
Before I know it on the memories I choke,
Back all I had once repressed,
Then readdressed,
Only to,
Watch it all disappear with you,

There was a time I could play a song,
Yes, I knew it well by heart,
And since I haven't played for long,
I forgot it all, in part,
If I should try I'd play it wrong,
There was a time,
I didn't know how I'd forget,
Or that I'd be living with regret;
I could play a song.

Sometimes, you just need a hug.

Being sick doesn't make feeling lonely any easier. I just saw my family yesterday and you'd think it'd tide me over...nope. 3 hours is just not enough! Cause when I'm sick at home, my mom will always give me a hug anyways, which I think is crazy...but sometimes a hug makes it suck that much less.

I could use a mommy-hug right now.

I have this long list of people i miss, it's a poo! I'm having withdrawals, haha. People-withdrawals. It's like a bunch of people who I miss and would really like to see! Be warned, if we do succeed in a get together, I may be REALLY talkative...(to the point I actually annoyed my DAD the other day! ha, that never happens, someone talking enough to annoy the king of non-stop talking. I have achieved a form of greatness...)

Anywho, yeah, I just miss everybody! A lot :( <3

DISCLAIMER: I have to do these a lot, haha. I am not to be worried about, I'm just informing you people I miss you...to put a little pressure on!

Where The Street Bends

As I dreamt last night,
I felt something wasn't right,
I saw the tears in his eyes,
He wept, silent behind her cries,
Red and blue colliding with everything,
Shooting off into an unforgiving night,
A horrible mixture of gleaming light,
Metal twisted, broken and smashed,
I get the feeling something crashed,
Sprawled all over the pavement,
Forever there a memory's engravement,
That street will always haunt them,
They were my friends,
Now their hearts will ache for me,
When they drive where the street bends.

I'm still trying to avoid my homework...

HA! My facebook knows me all too well:

I looked over on the side where the ads are and one was titled: "Do you want a boyfriend?" and a picture of a guy sitting in front of his computer with a quizzical look on his face, I answer "yes," then further read the ad, what's written under the picture and it says "Of course you do."

Ha, eerily weird.

Where is this going...if anywhere, at all?

Even when I try to hold back, keep my cool I end up messing it up. I always say something that has a different connotation than what I mean. Why can't it just be easy? Why can't the words just come out of my mouth and into his ears? I try to tell myself not to get my head too into it, just in case...in case it ends up like any before. They always seem different. This was different, but I don't know why; for what reason, if only to go nowhere. I hate going nowhere; it's why I don't particularly care for running unless it serves a destinational purpose or I'm preoccupied enough to need to run while I think. That's why this is constantly running loose in my brain, I hate wasting all or any of my heart on something that's meant for nothing.

The one of the reasons it seems so different is cause every time I think it's really going nowhere, it takes another baby step.

The Girl Who Cried Brainless

I love to pretend that I'm stupid; I love to lead people to believe I truly don't understand a majority of all things spoken or conceived. My love for this can partially be blamed on laziness because for the most part, people won't expect anything out of you if they think you're stupid. I won't be dragged into "intellectual conversations" that will inevitably go nowhere, or asked to talk about politics. I generally employ this portrayal of stupidity in cases that I'm not necessarily worried the person will fall for it. I would say I do it around people I don't care about, but that's not particularly true.

It can often lead to a problem, in that I only hold to this practice for a certain amount of time until I'm fairly comfortable with someone. Then, when I try to show that I am in fact not as dumb as I like to play, they don't buy it. I become the girl who cried brainless. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me too much, but when I try my hardest to convince someone that I am in fact not a complete ditz (very choice words here because I can be ditsy) and they still don't believe me, it gets me. I think it's because I fear they won't respect me if they don't discover it's an act that stems from my initial shy side. It rears its ugly head when that one intellectual conversation worms its way in, and my points are dubbed invalid because I've painted myself as a non-thinker when I am in fact the opposite.

It's funny because I bring it upon myself; I could filter the things that try to come out of my mouth, the stupid thoughts that are meant to remain only to my knowledge. I don't. It's amusing, because I know that everyone has stupid thoughts and some people are just too proud to voice them. Me, I enjoy the looks on faces, and the reactions to those little whims. It is a great joy of life to make someone think about something in an attempt to understand it, especially when it is a thought sailing through your mind that even you can't quite explain. (A quote comes to mind "I am 2 messages away from bridging the gap to redundancy." - what can I say? I have near-profound thoughts when I'm half asleep.)

I think it's almost a feat of bravery, to expel so many wily ideas for the world to chew up and spit out. Plus, life is short and I like being silly; so let them judge me, or let them accept me.