I wish I could say I saw it coming, but I didn't. That's about as much commentary as I'll lend to it...
I was told last week that due to budget cuts, my position will be dissolved. I was caught off guard, and yet I wasn't - because it's just been that kind of year. Everyone has such sincerity in their voice and their eyes when they ask how I'm doing. "Pretty okay, actually," I say.
This year started with ultimate heartbreak which brutally dragged itself, well and me, along. While viewed as a virtue, loyalty can be a fault. Call me crazy, (no one did, but they were thinking it,) I had a hard time letting go of the one I loved...still do. Anyway, I tell people: I already hit rock bottom this year. I hit it and sat down there for a bit. This -- it doesn't even surprise me, considering this year.
When you can look back at a string of months that you just didn't feel like yourself and during some of which you felt downright awful, a little baby curve ball can't really phase you. Heck, I have done this before. I thought back and there's all of two jobs on my resume list that I left by choice. Two. Out of nine. Layoffs. Dumb firings for accidents. Quitting then getting fired. Every time I've made ends meet, with pretty minimal favors and many dinners paid for by a few kind folks. I'm not at any risk of being homeless. The timing is pretty darn wretched, but it always shakes out.
I just have to overcome the overwhelming apathy toward the whole thing, and get myself through the next month between finishing out some time at the job where they've let me go, and trying to find whatever the next thing is.
This didn't break me, it didn't even make me cry. I guess the upside of surviving the worst pain of your life is perspective.
