Hope Amid Pain

Written 2/10/2016

I have no hope. 

I have no hope
to ever get over this.
I have no hope
to ever find this.
I have no desire.
I have no desire but
to have you in my arms.
I have no desire
for anyone else.
I have no desire
to remove you
from my heart.
I have no desire
to risk this very pain again.
I have no desire
to look this pain in the eye.
I have a void.
A void sits heavy
in the middle of me,
A weighty emptiness,
a crushing lack.

But I have hope.
And it eats at me, taunts me.
It toys with my sense of reality,
And gnaws at my sense of security.
It seems to deceive me,
And far from relieve me.
It dances in the empty place, the void.
Driving my stomach to knots.
It struggles, as a dying flicker in the darkness.
Hope.
I had hope,
now it teases me.
While the pain pulls me down,
And the doubt steals the very air.
Hope,
It allows me to breathe,
And yet takes my breath away.
A thing ever so sure and yet fearsome
wrought with risk of the very heart.
Hope.