Sometimes I wonder how people don't have more stories; do all the silly things just happen to me? Or is everyone else just too afraid to talk about theirs?
I had planned, sort of with my coworkers to bake something for my scheduled last day, December 20th. Yesterday night, out of boredom and restlessness, I decided to make some cookies to bring in to my team as they're the only remaining thing I liked about that job. I brought in my cookies today, IM'd my team and my team lead that they were at my desk.
There's this guy at our office that was relentlessly trying to hit on me, or impress me - anything he could do to talk to me. Nice guy, just wasn't happening. Being the too-nice person I am, I just usually smirked and walked away. Today, after about two months of working together, "Is that a tattoo?" Apparently they aren't all that noticeable. "Yes," as I displayed them both by turning up my wrists, "I have two, actually." He deciphered it was Hebrew, "It's 'My Refuge', from the Psalms." "Oh, and that's a cross?" What else does it look like? "Oh, interesting...hmm, those..." crosses wrists over one another, smacking them together, "Judaism and Christianity..." So I think, for the millionth time with that guy, I didn't know what to say and just walked away.
Shortly thereafter, I was told by my team lead that while they appreciated that I brought cookies today and all the work I put in with the customers, my attendance problems combined with my having given two weeks led them to decide to end my assignment today, and that he would escort me out. Cute, I thought. He brought a box that I didn't need, as I didn't keep anything at my desk for that very reason.
Crazy what can change in 12 days! Twelve days ago, I applied out of pure frustration to a full-time barista position, thinking, at least I know what I'm getting into with that job, I know I love it. I hadn't expected to be asked the very next day for an interview, and essentially offered the job on the spot with no more inquisition than as to my availability. At first I felt self-conscious about going back to being a barista, from a "professional position". After taking a little time to think, and bouncing the plan off my circle of trusted friends, I realized my current job gave me all that it could long ago.
I have to let myself off the hook here a little, by acknowledging that this is not a failure. I was not moving in any positive direction, merely treading water. I'm going back to work I know I love, and even if right now that's not a career move, it's lightness in my life; joy and enjoyment in my work. It's getting to smile at people until they smile back, instead of wishing that a glare could be heard through the phone. It's time to breathe. Something I was afraid that some might not understand, but my decisions are my own. I don't answer (quite thankfully!) to how anyone else thinks I should live my life, and there is absolutely no formula.
The most valuable thing to me here is that my integrity remain in tact. Finances can go to crap, I almost couldn't care less! I can look like I'm back-tracking, but there's no proof of that. There's a fork in the road, and there's that cliche I could steal from Frost, but I won't.
So on to another season, and new silly stories and hopefully better opportunities to be a light.
