I am the type of person who avoids conflict -- will take the hit on whatever necessary to avoid it, yet the older I get, the more I get sick of taking people's unthinkable crap. So, I inch toward the crossroads where I will hopefully learn how to face it and handle issues. But if my voice won't even be heard, I'd rather have kept my mouth shut to begin with; hence, my tendency to avoid conflict altogether, saving myself the anxiety of making an argument that inevitably only falls on deaf ears.
It's an issue of worth, I guess. Not that I don't find myself worth listening to, or hearing out, but countless times in my life the people I've come to arguments with have treated me like I'm speaking another language. No matter how many ways I spin it, trying to make sense out of my point, it's useless. In a roundabout way, as feels is my lot, conflict is useless; I might as well bow out, take the forfeit and put up a wall. I constantly try to convince myself this is not the way, but my theories are far less convincing than my histories.
There are some principles of relating that I find lacking in those conversations where I feel bulldozed, and consistently seem to encounter such an utter lack that all the further encourages my aversion to bothering to sort through conflict. Things that, if common throughout relationship, instead of rare, maybe there would be less conflict...to avoid.
I have found there is a key in being able to admit you're wrong -- and not in a self-deprecating, false-modest, martyr sort of way, but in the reality that from time to time you may, in fact, not have it all figured out, and act poorly. We all act poorly; I act poorly, and usually recognize it immediately after, wherein my character is proved by my decision as to whether or not to acknowledge my faulty ways. It is one of the best and most relieving things I've taught myself by intentional habit, to be able to admit that I am imperfect and will likely continue to be imperfect. Thus the pressure of pride is shirked, and the freedom to fail yet survive is granted. The more we cling to our ability to control our lives, the more falling flat on our faces - when we inevitably do - will devastate.
Also, empathy and compassion go a long way between humans. If you cannot step aside from yourself and relate to where the other person is coming from, you will likely never have a healthy relationship. Possibly a strong statement to make, but I don't need a degree or a scientific study to know that the inability to think of anyone but one's self is not conducive to a lasting relationship. To be able to understand another's position, and why it would be thought of as valid from their perspective, will make a disagreement far less detrimental.
If nothing else, I'm learning to pick my battles.
