The only thing that kept me strong until my forced end at a previous job I loathed, was my morning devotionals. I'd found a great combination, and was mixing them with the proverbs. Now, again with a job I'm not all that fond of, I'm so drained I've been neglecting me. It's almost as though, ignoring a core part of me that needs down time to just waste, I have been scheduling in all these things that though I will also enjoy, don't give me rest. I'm starting to realize just how borderline I am, extrovert/introvert! Even neglecting myself by not eating breakfast a few days this week because I slept in, or not running at all this week because I don't know where to fit it in; not to mention have the motivation and energy during its scheduled time slot.
This morning, I had to be at work early for a meeting that I knew would inevitably mean nothing to me (spoiler: I was right), and so I had to get up earlier. At this point, due to apathy which I've never been good at overcoming, I've used up all my tardies; there is no more being late, or sick for six months...that's another story. I woke up after a tossing and turning night's sleep, rolled myself over and made the half-conscious, half-asleep decision to read my devotional. I knew I can't survive these days, this way, without my morning compass. If it's only up to me, frankly: right now I wake up and feel annoyed with God that I have to go to this job.
Streams in the Desert is a devotional written from a lifetime of experiences and a place of grief. Though I can't quite justifiably say I read it from an equal place, it humbles me and reminds me of a different aspect of God's character each time.
This morning, this is what got me out of bed and as on time to work as I've ever been since I started:
"No one can stay on the mountaintop of favor forever, for there are responsibilities in the valley."Here I wake every day with a rotten attitude (worse yet, I know it), and the reality of that is that I can't spend every day on a high of how good God is; hanging out on spiritual cloud nine. And if I'm not in that place of being able to spend a day, or even a minute of my day up there, I have to honor where I am. What that looks like may vary, but the better part of me knows.
It probably looks like turning the light on and opening the shades; it probably looks like ending a bad call and taking a deep breath and remembering that we're imperfect; it probably looks like setting aside something meaningless for the sake of something meaningful, even if it's harder. Looking to the stuff on the pedestal to drive to action on the stuff on the ground.
From the peak we look fondly on the lowlands, and from the depths we look on the peak with hope and inspiration.
