I'm supposed to be working on homework...instead I'm blogging. I've been so discouraged about school, I just can't seem to get myself motivated. I don't read syllabuses...there was a midterm today in one of my classes. I showed up, and the classroom was oddly full, I thought. There was a box of pencils on the table at the front of the room. There was a midterm. Luckily, I can laugh.
I feel so much like this just will not work out, there is just no way this will work out, so I can't care. I cannot care about this semester, when I do not know if there will be a next semester; if there will be a degree.
I made it through the whole spring break week without freaking out about whether or not I will get my journalism shit together (sorry, I am stressed hence...), I made it all the way until Sunday night. And I just realized, it's interconnected, - my apathy and this uncertainty. I have to do well this semester to get in, but I applied too early, maybe ruining my chances anyways, so I don't even know. Stress shuts me down. So I sleep a lot. I sleep when I'm stressed, but I don't do other things such as the opposite of procrastinating, which would be nice.
I don't like to have to prove myself. Deadlines, - I do well with; pressure of a looming judgment, - not so much.
The end of that is so close, I can taste it! But as optimistic as I am, I feel like it would just make more sense (as life goes) for me not to get in and finish after 4 years of grueling education...it would just be how life is. It would make sense.
I hope it's not the case, but I feel that it is. I guess one day I'll find out, and then figure it out from there, but for now I guess I should go tackle that ridiculous college art project (so glad I did not major in art!!!!!!!!!!! At least I made one good decision).
