I haven't had a lot of coherent thoughts lately so i haven't been blogging. I dearly love to write before i go to sleep so i figure i'll write all my random tidbits from my brain out into a giant chaotic blog. Sound like fun? Okay, then!
(i'll start out with my one philosophical thought of the week...)
I discovered i'm really bothered by the phrase "Love is Blind". With a little help from a friend, i discovered its origins were indeed not from the bible, but from Shakespeare. Go figure, the man got around, he probably never actually fell in love. I'm bothered by this statement simply because I believe that true, real love (whether romantic or otherwise) is not at all blind. On the contrary, it sees. Love sees past everything bad; it sees the good for what it's worth. Love can be logical, it's not all about your feelings and that fluttery thing in your chest (although that is usually nice). No, love is about sacrifice and it's about realizing what you're willing to sacrifice to keep something or someone around because they are that important to you.
Love is also about importance. What or who is most important becomes your priority. These two, what & who, can be confused with people too, though. You have to make sure that it's really the person, not what they do for you, or how they make you look. Whatever the case may be, love is about people.
Another occurring thought since i last blogged, I hate live music on CD. Not acoustic, acoustic by all means (love acoustic guitar!!!). Live music like from concerts where the crowd is louder than the band for the first 20 seconds of the song. Sometimes the intro is the best part. And when they sing along! Ugh, it drives me crazy...despite the fact that I can't go on a car ride without singing along with the music. It's a habit.
I talk to myself way too darn much. Way too darn much. I catch myself all the time, and then i tell myself that it's rather embarrassing to be conversing with myself and that i should stop before someone sees me. It's usually an extension of the conversation that makes no sense considering i find it to be a bad habit.
I want to write a really good novel. Before i die. Well, obviously. I'm sure in heaven i could write the perfect novel, but it wouldn't really matter then...cause it's heaven, perfection is its theme. I get all these random topics and plots that float into my head from my daily life experiences, but nothing significant enough...yet. Someday.
I really want kids. I need someone in my life to have some freaking babies soon or i'm going to be forced to babysit. I know, no one who bothers to read this would ever expect me to say that. But i just did. Me, babysitting. It's a scary thought, the kid'll be scarred for life. They're just so freaking cute!! And i can't even imagine the love that a parent has to have for their child after everything it takes. It just boggles me. I hope to have nieces and nephews sooner than later.
Life is in God's hands. No matter how hard we try to move it our own way or steer the course, he's there changing the landscape. God continues to amaze me, day after day. Which is funny because i'm just living life right now. I have no connection to the church accept friends and family who attend services. I've just been basking in God's presence in my everyday life for months now, and it's awesome. The only thing i miss is worship. I desperately miss worshiping God! Just closing my eyes and speaking to him, knowing that it pleases him. Having that immediate connection, that moment with God. He's been making it easier for me to trust him, helping me to find the path again. It's so funny, i haven't been going to church regularly for some time now and my relationship with God has grown in so many ways. I feel like i've learned to trust him a lot more with my future, and to see and hear his direction and embrace his guidance.
Life has been moving at such a fast pace. I got really scarred and taken aback in my british literature class the other day. We were reading some poem (Lord only knows what) and my professor said something about how the poem was saying that life goes on. It happens so fast, and we can't ever get that second back. Seconds go by, and by and by, and we waste them so often. I don't know exactly how he put it, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't believe it, i had never really thought about it before and it was almost like a bunch of regret hit me...but not for anything specific, just for not appreciating time.
I'm one of those people who wants to die early. I'll feel bad for my friends and family left behind, but i think about 70 is just right. It's a morbid thought, but i'd much rather go where the streets have no name ; ) Me and Jesus could chill and he could teach me guitar...i actually hope we have the bodies we die in. I'll be some crazy old lady, just learning the guitar. Haha, but really, heaven just sounds so much better. I'll stay as long as God wants me to, but then it's like a ski-lift ride into the clouds!
I hate lying. I don't like to lie. I think it's just the way i am. I don't think i was made a person who finds pleasure or even solace in lies. I hate them with a passion. I think it's because my name means truth...otherwise it'd be rather ironic. I just hate that feeling when I can't bring myself to the truth because it's scary and harsh, so i force myself to say something that's, well, not the truth.
I hate chemistry. Chemistry, I discovered is a giant waste of my time. I plan on going to MCAD for college, and they don't take transfer science or math credits. I'm taking this class, essentially, just to screw up my GPA. Good choice, Alicia *pats herself on the back*. I hate it. The most effort i put into it was learning the elements really well, and going to the first couple lectures, and definitely doing all the labs, whether well or not, i don't know yet. I'd rather not find out. I have this unbelievable ability to drop something glass on the counter during lab. Oh, and it's always when there's like 6 other people in there at most. These are the moments that define my life; Klutzy, awkward, and alicia.
I have had the hankering to write some good old fashioned poetry lately, but nothing's really coming to me. There have been a lot of these random swirling thoughts in my brain, but nothing that functions...or really suits a purpose. No just random happenings in my mind about the absurdity of my life (that use of absurd was dedicated to margaret).
I think that's all folks!!
