Papers in record time!

I just finished my last important paper of my high school career, and I did so in record time. A 4 page comparison paper in an hour and 45 minutes. I think i can breathe...once my car is fixed.

A whole ton of stuff had to pile on me at once, it was just wearing me out. I'm so glad it's done. It still hasn't quite hit me that tomorrow is my last day of High School. Crazy!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! just had to get that out...in the form of typed word. I'll probably do it again at least once at graduation.

I can't wait to just come home and sit on my butt and say to myself "Now, you have to go back by choice."... Life is a poo.

But summer is here, and summer has never been bad to me. God likes the summer, i should think. He likes to do a lot of work in the summer, at least in my life in particular. I'm looking forward to that cause i'm pretty sure it's already started. I don't mind at all. It might kill my ability to write poetry and songs, but with an overall happier life, i think i'll be ok.

Anywho, off to the world again...write again soon, hopefully something more profound to say : )

Inside Jokes = "You Had to Be There" Moments!

I'm supposed to be doing homework, but at this current moment i have a thought i cannot reject because i feel it may lead somewhere. Here goes:

I'm so not into cliquey-ness, it's stupid. Granted, there are people i don't like and so may avoid them at social events at which they are, but being completely exclusive with one person out of a group, that's kind of dumb. I'll admit, once again, there are definite exceptions to this rule; i.e. big issues, disliking everyone but one person, etc.

I hang out with my friends or various people because i generally like hanging out with them. It has nothing to do with status or anything like that, in fact i prefer people to stare because my friends and i are being total dorks! I hang out with people because they make me happy.

Some people i've hung out with and haven't for a while, or even just lost touch with still matter to me. Don't take it personally if i haven't called...i have this problem, more fear of talking on the phone. It causes a lot of problems.

But back to my main point, i just think people should be able to have a normal conversation without making everyone else around them wonder what exactly it's about. Inside jokes are fun, but let's face it; they're lame. They get even lamer after someone talks about it, then feels bad so they explain it. Why even bother? It's not even funny after you explain it, that's why it's an inside joke. People should automatically associate inside jokes with "you had to be there" moments. Same thing, peeps!

Just my current rant. It popped into my head thinking about some stuff and i had to get my writing bug going for homework : (

Throw my hat up in the air . . .

I just want to write songs. I want school to be over and finished with consuming the life that is left in me. I just want a break from stress! I just want to be like jack johnson, live on the beautiful shores of Hawaii and write music backed by ukuleles. One problem, i can't sing and i live in minnesota...not exactly hawaii.

I'm sick of school and thinking. I want summer! It's so close that it's making it hard to even think about finishing all the homework that is currently piled on my hypothetical desk. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just keep trying to remind myself of my motivation: throwing my graduation cap. That's what i look forward to. That is what i've looked forward to for 4 years, what's kept me going. That moment when they said "Presenting your graduating class of 2008", i'll throw my hat up in the air and then move on with my life.

...And So Here I Find Myself

I think i've been a little misunderstood through my writing as of late. I have never been one without hope, and so i write:

It's funny how even when life tries to get me down, i always have this feeling of light at the end of the tunnel; this sort of "it's all gonna turn out alright" feeling. I've never been one to be hopeless. I know God has a plan, i just have no patience in waiting to discover it. I don't want to waste time on all this pointless stuff. I just want to jump right in.

I'm not usually the type to get annoyed or anxious about getting lost. If i feel as though i'm in another state unintended, then i worry. Otherwise, it's just getting lost. But when it comes to God's plan, i don't want to waste time getting lost. I'd rather just take the correct route the whole time.

I just have days, like everyone else, in which i get a little down. Those days for me, are usually not as bad either because i tend to be a bit more optimistic than most normal people. That's just what i'm told.

I'm trying to learn more about myself, with each passing day too. Causse i think, if i don't know myself really well, how can anyone else? I just have to find a way to stop being misinterpreted. That's what gets me, I really don't have bad intentions all that often (unless i'm driving, i do have a tish bit of road rage, but doubt i'd ever act on it). And i know, that's warm and fuzzy for some people to hear but they won't buy it. I don't think that just because most of the world isn't trust worthy we should judge everyone by the same measure.

That is actually one of my pet peeves, that people can be judged all by the same reference point. It cannot be done! God made us as individuals! People tend to judge all people the same, and i've been getting a little annoyed with that.

Like just because i'm in high school doesn't mean i'm some ignorant teen, although i'm sure in some ways i am. But i'd like to think i'm a little more mature than that. It also doesn't make me an idiot, or any less of a person. In approximately a month, i will be a high school grad and have 2 years of college done, so then what does that say about me?

Hence why i avoid, at all costs, telling people my age and my grade etc. It's not worth it cause it seems that i loose respect the minute they find out.

Anyways, the original reason i wrote this was to set the record straight, i am in no way shape or form a pessimist and would like to inform all that i just need to vent via a blog. So here i find myself.

Chemistry class = I fail

So, i basically figured out today that i am going to fail my chemistry class...yay? Urm...well, i needed to get a 42 out of 60 on the most recent test, and i got a 32. Not to mention i needed to get a perfect on the homework...which i just didn't turn in, cause i got swamped with other homework, and...uh...let's see, oh now i'd have to get like a damn near perfect on the final. That's not gonna happen unless Jesus himself comes down and takes it for me. So i'm basically gonna fail, unless i can work something out with my teacher which i'm avoiding talking to him because all the chemistry department staff are douchebags. Straight up. THey're mean and have a ton of attitude, so i'm dreading even bothering to ask him.

Then again, for all i know the balding, sweater-wearing, whiny voiced man does have a heart for the chemistry-challenged of Normandale and will offer me extra credit(?). One can only hope, then i won't have to take it over again to get the stupid transfer curriculum. I hate MNTC goals. They're evil.

They are the spawn of satan.

So that's my life, which isn't that bad because it'll still be a passing grade for kennedy, so i'll still graduate from high school (otherwise i'd be busting my butt to pass this class).

Just had to get that off my chest : )

After I'm Gone

Can you learn to appreciate a life after it’s gone?
Can you wake up early, just to see the dawn?
After all of this existence,
And all of the resistance,
Can you learn to love after I’m gone?
And dream a thousand dreams,
Before you awake at dawn?

Can you get up when you fall?
Can you learn to live at all?
After everything’s been done,
Ask if I’m the only one,
Will you stand if you fall?
Or will you bother,
If you miss me at all?

Can you get yourself out of bed?
Can you get out of your head?
Where all the memories play,
Over and over relay,
That you shouldn’t get out of bed,
No matter what may wait,
Cause you can't escape your head,

Will you hide when tears roll down your face?
Will you find memories to replace?
The thoughts that drift through your mind,
Singing sweetly, words so unkind,
You won’t hide the tears on your face,
They’re all you’ve got left,
Of memories you can't replace,

I love you dear,
I’m always near,
Lulling you to sleep on a cold night,
Whispering softly that “It’s alright,
I’m with you dear,
I’m always near.”

[Inspired by Emily Brontë’s “Remembrance”]

One of those years...deja vu?

Have you ever just had one of those days that you just want to re-do the minute it's done? I've had one of those years. Almost all of it, i'd like a second shot at. Then again, i have this feeling i'd be dumb enough to mess it all up in similar ways, if not exactly the same. So basically i feel if given the opportunity it'd be wise not to take it.

So much has been confusing me as of late. So much. Just when i think things are good, it's like something has to knock me on my butt, then everything else has to kick me while i'm down. It's absolutely wonderful. I can't wait til the summer is here so that all i have to worry about is my social problems as opposed to those AND my practical problems such as money, college, and the future.

Too much to worry about on one plate. I think it's my ability (or disability for that matter) to take things for granted that God's trying to break. I take to many things for granted and like my life the way it is, when right now i'm really lacking God.

It's true, i'm usually a ton closer to him in the summer than the school year. Not that it's an excuse, when's a better time to have God in your every thought than the school year? I think that's just it, i was happy for a little stint, and even though it wasn't the very happiest i've ever been, it was enough...and i didn't really involve God in it. How sad, that is. I've REALLY gotta work on that.

Last year, not really 2007, but more 2006 i was so close to God. Or as i remember, anyways. This last year i've been too caught up in my life, too caught up in myself to think or worry about what God wants from me, or has planned for me.

I guess i've just felt so swamped that any second i get to come up for air, well, it feels like that silent, blissful moment. Peaceful, beautiful...silent. It's essentially transformed into the calm before the storm, even though time after time i don't even recognize it as such, getting tossed around every time.

So much bad crap has already happened in this stupid year, for which i had such high expectations. This is a really crappy year thus far. I hate spring semesters. I think maybe i'll finish my degree only in fall semesters until i'm done. Only 6 more years.

Who am i kidding? That'll only make it worse.

I don't know what i'm gonna do, but i do know that for now i'm just gonna live my life in the present, i don't have too much left in me to worry about the future. At least until schools done. Til i'm sure i'm graduating from high school. I guess i should worry most about my chemistry grade.

WARNING: If i am so lucky (or shall i say blessed) to pass chem with a C, i will brag about my crazy ability to not show up to class and still pass it. Thought i should warn y'all

;I