Have you ever just had one of those days that you just want to re-do the minute it's done? I've had one of those years. Almost all of it, i'd like a second shot at. Then again, i have this feeling i'd be dumb enough to mess it all up in similar ways, if not exactly the same. So basically i feel if given the opportunity it'd be wise not to take it.
So much has been confusing me as of late. So much. Just when i think things are good, it's like something has to knock me on my butt, then everything else has to kick me while i'm down. It's absolutely wonderful. I can't wait til the summer is here so that all i have to worry about is my social problems as opposed to those AND my practical problems such as money, college, and the future.
Too much to worry about on one plate. I think it's my ability (or disability for that matter) to take things for granted that God's trying to break. I take to many things for granted and like my life the way it is, when right now i'm really lacking God.
It's true, i'm usually a ton closer to him in the summer than the school year. Not that it's an excuse, when's a better time to have God in your every thought than the school year? I think that's just it, i was happy for a little stint, and even though it wasn't the very happiest i've ever been, it was enough...and i didn't really involve God in it. How sad, that is. I've REALLY gotta work on that.
Last year, not really 2007, but more 2006 i was so close to God. Or as i remember, anyways. This last year i've been too caught up in my life, too caught up in myself to think or worry about what God wants from me, or has planned for me.
I guess i've just felt so swamped that any second i get to come up for air, well, it feels like that silent, blissful moment. Peaceful, beautiful...silent. It's essentially transformed into the calm before the storm, even though time after time i don't even recognize it as such, getting tossed around every time.
So much bad crap has already happened in this stupid year, for which i had such high expectations. This is a really crappy year thus far. I hate spring semesters. I think maybe i'll finish my degree only in fall semesters until i'm done. Only 6 more years.
Who am i kidding? That'll only make it worse.
I don't know what i'm gonna do, but i do know that for now i'm just gonna live my life in the present, i don't have too much left in me to worry about the future. At least until schools done. Til i'm sure i'm graduating from high school. I guess i should worry most about my chemistry grade.
WARNING: If i am so lucky (or shall i say blessed) to pass chem with a C, i will brag about my crazy ability to not show up to class and still pass it. Thought i should warn y'all
;I
