Screaming out,
A screaming shout,
Is it like splitting hairs?
Or like pulling teeth?
To get you to tell what's underneath,
You see,
I don't,
Quite know if you will or won't,
And,
So I,
Would like some sign in reply,
Do you see?
Or are you blind?
Cause I,
Can't Read,
What's on,
Your mind,
It's like pulling teeth,
Or splitting hairs,
Can't wait to see how this one fairs,
Leave me out in the cold,
Or choose do something bold,
But whatever you do,
Just do what you're told,
By your heart,
Cause only it knows how you've felt from the start,
And me,
Well you'll see,
Just how I feel when you reveal your side.
~I wrote this a couple days ago, but i don't know why i didn't publish it til now~
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Holy Stress, Batman!
I'm sitting in my bed, staring at the huge pile of books on health care reform. My face is naturally scrunching with emotion; I can't really stop it unless I think really hard about relaxing...still nothing. I have an abundance of homework I should be working on instead of pausing in fear. I'm at that point where I just want to have a breakdown, but I don't even have enough in me for that. I feel like I want to cry right now, but I don't feel like that's going to make anything better or that I even have the time or energy to. That is a sick state to be in, let me tell you.
I think they call it overwhelmed. I am quite thoroughly overwhelmed by all the unknown that lies before me. I know, I've been saying that a lot in these things, but I'm getting really overwhelmed thinking about it all. Now to top it off, I'm pretty sure I'm going to either get a new job altogether, or just get an additional one. Not to mention, when starbucks starts cutting corners you really know the economy is not doing so hot.
I'm hoping (so much) that i'm overreacting, that it's not that horrible of a situation and that things will pan out...but so much is being thrown up in the air and i don't know where it's all going to fall.
It makes me just want to nap. Napping is what I do, when I don't want to think about life or what I should be doing instead of catching up on the sleep i missed the night before because I was doing something else instead of sleeping! It's pretty much the only time I can manage to get my brain to shut off. Not even when I go to sleep at night; then i have trouble falling asleep, but nap time! Oh, no trouble there. Stopping the day and the crazy continuous turning of the world just to get some decent rest, that is no problem for me.
The problem is that I don't have much time for that this week. No, this week is a giant hurdle I have to clear (mostly because I have an issue with procrastination), only to be faced with many more that are seemingly larger, more important issues than a few papers or assignments (but i guess that depends who you ask).
Well, for now there is only one solution and that is this: to stop thinking about everything at once, and tackle these things one at a time, yet multi-task for the ones that require cumulative attention. I'll let you know how it turns out...I need some chocolate.
I think they call it overwhelmed. I am quite thoroughly overwhelmed by all the unknown that lies before me. I know, I've been saying that a lot in these things, but I'm getting really overwhelmed thinking about it all. Now to top it off, I'm pretty sure I'm going to either get a new job altogether, or just get an additional one. Not to mention, when starbucks starts cutting corners you really know the economy is not doing so hot.
I'm hoping (so much) that i'm overreacting, that it's not that horrible of a situation and that things will pan out...but so much is being thrown up in the air and i don't know where it's all going to fall.
It makes me just want to nap. Napping is what I do, when I don't want to think about life or what I should be doing instead of catching up on the sleep i missed the night before because I was doing something else instead of sleeping! It's pretty much the only time I can manage to get my brain to shut off. Not even when I go to sleep at night; then i have trouble falling asleep, but nap time! Oh, no trouble there. Stopping the day and the crazy continuous turning of the world just to get some decent rest, that is no problem for me.
The problem is that I don't have much time for that this week. No, this week is a giant hurdle I have to clear (mostly because I have an issue with procrastination), only to be faced with many more that are seemingly larger, more important issues than a few papers or assignments (but i guess that depends who you ask).
Well, for now there is only one solution and that is this: to stop thinking about everything at once, and tackle these things one at a time, yet multi-task for the ones that require cumulative attention. I'll let you know how it turns out...I need some chocolate.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Getting Out (a short story)
The engine wouldn’t turn. She must’ve tried nearly thirty times already. Just sputtering and coughing. Exactly the sort of thing she’d expect to happen to her. She slammed her head against the steering wheel, the horn echoed against the starry night sky. It didn’t matter anyway, there was nothing for at least a mile in each direction, except a highway to the north. Maybe, if she was lucky, someone would hear it. One of the many disadvantages she had noted when they were deciding where to buy a house. She hated it there so much. As they were driving to look at the house, the second they were far enough out she felt an ache. He liked the country, and since he always won, she found herself there.
She lifted her head, annoyed as she might’ve ever been in her life, - she wasn’t quite sure - and screamed. She screamed until her throat was raw. She pounded the wheel with angry fists until her hands were numb. Once the pain was gone, the pounding was no longer a channel for the anger and the hurt. How did she get into this mess? A better question how would she get out of it?
She wiped the tears, of which she was unaware, from her face. All this couldn’t be good for her, this anger and the screaming. Suddenly her head bowed so ashamed, so worried. It all came barreling down her at once; what would she do? She would make sure that she knew that he could’ve never loved her, and that it was the right thing to do. That it saved her life. That was the one thing that made her do it, she knew she wouldn’t last if she didn’t leave. What would she name her?
She was stalling, afraid to get out of the car. She might as well get out and walk with her eyes closed, it was so dark. She scrambled through the bag she’d thrown together before she left. She’d bring the handgun, and the flashlight…if she could only find the flashlight. To her relief there was one in the backseat, along with a quilt. It was from the night before when she drove into the middle of the field to look at the stars in silence as he slept off the last she’d see of his alcohol-induced fits, passed out on the front porch. One would think it was from the alcohol, but the man had a tolerance for liquor like a bull for gore. Doesn’t mean it didn‘t knock what little sense he had in him out. She had taken the frying pan as a precaution, a justified one at that. She knew how he got, and she was going to have to stand up for herself now, she was not ready to give up the one gift he’d ever given her. That was when she decided to leave, laying on the roof her eighty-nine station wagon, she realized she couldn’t give up now. It meant everything now. It wasn’t just her life that was at risk.
She took a few deep breaths. The country always scared her at night, it didn’t matter how many times she told him. He wouldn’t listen. Or maybe he did, he just didn’t care. That was more likely. She hadn’t been able to figure out the vendetta he had with her. She had been constantly trying to figure it out. She breathed in deeper still. Held it. She closed her eyes, and
slowly let it go. It’s time to get out. Getting out of the house wasn’t the only hard exit she’d
have to make. She grabbed the door handle trying to convince herself to do it quickly like tearing off a band-aid, but her hand didn’t budge. Then she proceeded to do something she hadn’t done in quite a while. She prayed.
She had been avoiding God for so long; she was angry with Him. She was raised with a bible next to her bed, she knew the great stories of God’s deliverance. She stopped believing that He cared a year and four months after the wedding, and tried denying His existence to no avail. Four months was when it started. She thought she knew he could be a handful sometimes, but she really had no idea. Being that good christian that she was, they didn’t live together before they were married.
When the reality hit her, it hit her hard, and square in the jaw. He hit her. He told her to shut up, forcefully, not kindly. Her heart shattered in that instant. She felt like everything she knew was a lie. Every night she prayed angrily. Every night she’d wait until he was out, and she would sob herself to sleep. After a year had passed from the first time and nothing had changed, she began to resent God. Promises that were never filled were all she ever knew, and He didn’t seem to change that either. He didn’t change anything. So she gave up on asking Him for anything.
She knew now, after four years He was still there. He doesn’t leave. She didn’t know why she had to wait so long. Why she was there for a year after the first time, let alone until their four year anniversary. She knew now. She knew she never wanted to be married again, she was far too broken to ever let another man into her life. She just needed to feel whole again. She knew now, because she found out that night. She was going to tell him that night, but he flew into a rage before she could get out the words. It was for the better that he didn’t know. She had her one life’s desire, living inside her; awakened.
She got out of the car with caution, making sure she had everything she needed. She shut the door, tucking the keys into the coat pocket. Her dad’s big, blue flannel jacket was perfect for the cold dry winters here. She sniffed the collar and missed him. He had this warm, musty dad-smell. He never touched a drop of liquor, probably would’ve never approved of the marriage in the first place. An absent man in her life wasn’t something she was unfamiliar with. She was always trying to win his affections, and he said she did, even though she knew better. A girl knows real love when she has it; the deciding factor of whether or not she turns out normal is how good she is at lying to herself about it. She’d never been good at that. She was hopeful, optimistic even, but not a liar and not a fool.
He did make it known that he was proud of her, for all that she had accomplished. Well that was her senior year of college, finishing out a degree she did nothing with since. She was only a lowly housewife who couldn’t even arrange the condiments in the fridge correctly.
She snapped out of it. It was beautiful. She could see every star in the sky, glistening in front of her like a private work of art. She felt so calm all of a sudden. It was a quarter mile from her car now that she sat down. She wasn’t tired, per say, just enthralled. Totally and completely captivated. She hadn’t felt that way since the trip she had taken to the mountains with her college boyfriend. The most beautiful place she’d ever seen. That was the one rural spot she would not mind living. In fact, they were going to.
She sat up, put her elbows on her knees. It wasn’t a place she could go again; she couldn’t bring herself to think about it again. She couldn’t loose sight of the drive that she had. She was determined. The highway wasn’t too much further, and yet it would be another hurdle to clear. She was so uneasy, and yet so peaceful at the same time. She felt the strength in her rising up. She was already quite astonished at herself, she didn’t know she had any strength, let alone the enough for all this.
** this is just it so far, but there is hopefully more to come. I might even change the title.
She lifted her head, annoyed as she might’ve ever been in her life, - she wasn’t quite sure - and screamed. She screamed until her throat was raw. She pounded the wheel with angry fists until her hands were numb. Once the pain was gone, the pounding was no longer a channel for the anger and the hurt. How did she get into this mess? A better question how would she get out of it?
She wiped the tears, of which she was unaware, from her face. All this couldn’t be good for her, this anger and the screaming. Suddenly her head bowed so ashamed, so worried. It all came barreling down her at once; what would she do? She would make sure that she knew that he could’ve never loved her, and that it was the right thing to do. That it saved her life. That was the one thing that made her do it, she knew she wouldn’t last if she didn’t leave. What would she name her?
She was stalling, afraid to get out of the car. She might as well get out and walk with her eyes closed, it was so dark. She scrambled through the bag she’d thrown together before she left. She’d bring the handgun, and the flashlight…if she could only find the flashlight. To her relief there was one in the backseat, along with a quilt. It was from the night before when she drove into the middle of the field to look at the stars in silence as he slept off the last she’d see of his alcohol-induced fits, passed out on the front porch. One would think it was from the alcohol, but the man had a tolerance for liquor like a bull for gore. Doesn’t mean it didn‘t knock what little sense he had in him out. She had taken the frying pan as a precaution, a justified one at that. She knew how he got, and she was going to have to stand up for herself now, she was not ready to give up the one gift he’d ever given her. That was when she decided to leave, laying on the roof her eighty-nine station wagon, she realized she couldn’t give up now. It meant everything now. It wasn’t just her life that was at risk.
She took a few deep breaths. The country always scared her at night, it didn’t matter how many times she told him. He wouldn’t listen. Or maybe he did, he just didn’t care. That was more likely. She hadn’t been able to figure out the vendetta he had with her. She had been constantly trying to figure it out. She breathed in deeper still. Held it. She closed her eyes, and
slowly let it go. It’s time to get out. Getting out of the house wasn’t the only hard exit she’d
have to make. She grabbed the door handle trying to convince herself to do it quickly like tearing off a band-aid, but her hand didn’t budge. Then she proceeded to do something she hadn’t done in quite a while. She prayed.
She had been avoiding God for so long; she was angry with Him. She was raised with a bible next to her bed, she knew the great stories of God’s deliverance. She stopped believing that He cared a year and four months after the wedding, and tried denying His existence to no avail. Four months was when it started. She thought she knew he could be a handful sometimes, but she really had no idea. Being that good christian that she was, they didn’t live together before they were married.
When the reality hit her, it hit her hard, and square in the jaw. He hit her. He told her to shut up, forcefully, not kindly. Her heart shattered in that instant. She felt like everything she knew was a lie. Every night she prayed angrily. Every night she’d wait until he was out, and she would sob herself to sleep. After a year had passed from the first time and nothing had changed, she began to resent God. Promises that were never filled were all she ever knew, and He didn’t seem to change that either. He didn’t change anything. So she gave up on asking Him for anything.
She knew now, after four years He was still there. He doesn’t leave. She didn’t know why she had to wait so long. Why she was there for a year after the first time, let alone until their four year anniversary. She knew now. She knew she never wanted to be married again, she was far too broken to ever let another man into her life. She just needed to feel whole again. She knew now, because she found out that night. She was going to tell him that night, but he flew into a rage before she could get out the words. It was for the better that he didn’t know. She had her one life’s desire, living inside her; awakened.
She got out of the car with caution, making sure she had everything she needed. She shut the door, tucking the keys into the coat pocket. Her dad’s big, blue flannel jacket was perfect for the cold dry winters here. She sniffed the collar and missed him. He had this warm, musty dad-smell. He never touched a drop of liquor, probably would’ve never approved of the marriage in the first place. An absent man in her life wasn’t something she was unfamiliar with. She was always trying to win his affections, and he said she did, even though she knew better. A girl knows real love when she has it; the deciding factor of whether or not she turns out normal is how good she is at lying to herself about it. She’d never been good at that. She was hopeful, optimistic even, but not a liar and not a fool.
He did make it known that he was proud of her, for all that she had accomplished. Well that was her senior year of college, finishing out a degree she did nothing with since. She was only a lowly housewife who couldn’t even arrange the condiments in the fridge correctly.
She snapped out of it. It was beautiful. She could see every star in the sky, glistening in front of her like a private work of art. She felt so calm all of a sudden. It was a quarter mile from her car now that she sat down. She wasn’t tired, per say, just enthralled. Totally and completely captivated. She hadn’t felt that way since the trip she had taken to the mountains with her college boyfriend. The most beautiful place she’d ever seen. That was the one rural spot she would not mind living. In fact, they were going to.
She sat up, put her elbows on her knees. It wasn’t a place she could go again; she couldn’t bring herself to think about it again. She couldn’t loose sight of the drive that she had. She was determined. The highway wasn’t too much further, and yet it would be another hurdle to clear. She was so uneasy, and yet so peaceful at the same time. She felt the strength in her rising up. She was already quite astonished at herself, she didn’t know she had any strength, let alone the enough for all this.
** this is just it so far, but there is hopefully more to come. I might even change the title.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Phantasm
She woke in the middle of the night short of breath. She sat up quickly, looked around the black room as she tried to trace back to what caused her this distress. He just told her he was madly in love with her; they say right on that couch. She leaned against the doorframe staring the couch down as she sipped a glass of water. She closed her eyes choking back tears. He left late, it had been foggy and drizzling that night. Her apartment had a cool, wet fall air about it that the breeze carried in through the open windows. The curtains danced eerily. She couldn’t calm down.
She instantly knew that something bad happened. She stood paralyzed in paranoid fear that if she moved, the world would continue turning, which would set off a chain of events she could’ve prevented if only she’d thought. It was like she’d seen it all. She leaned harder into the doorframe, sliding slowly down to the floor now watching the taunting curtains. She knew he was gone. Gone.
She suddenly dropped the cup of water to her left and caved to her right. She laid on the cool wooden floor, gazing painfully at the legs of the couch. That damn couch. She’d certainly have to get rid of it. What was she thinking? Who cares about the couch; he was lost forever. She began to sob. She sobbed so hard into the bend of her elbow that she couldn’t even feel the tears streaming from her eyes as they formed a small pool on either side of her forearm.
She woke suddenly to her alarm clock hollering at her to get up. She felt drained. She carefully crawled out of bed. Her feet hit the freezing floor, reminding her of the previous night’s conclusion. There was a message on the machine. She reluctantly pushed the button inevitably to hear a painful reiteration of the night’s occurrence.
“Beep”. “Hey, Jane. It’s me. I’s just calling to say ‘good morning’. I’m really glad we got to talk last night, bet you had as sweet of dreams as I did. Hope you have a good day at work, and hey, I love you.”
She instantly knew that something bad happened. She stood paralyzed in paranoid fear that if she moved, the world would continue turning, which would set off a chain of events she could’ve prevented if only she’d thought. It was like she’d seen it all. She leaned harder into the doorframe, sliding slowly down to the floor now watching the taunting curtains. She knew he was gone. Gone.
She suddenly dropped the cup of water to her left and caved to her right. She laid on the cool wooden floor, gazing painfully at the legs of the couch. That damn couch. She’d certainly have to get rid of it. What was she thinking? Who cares about the couch; he was lost forever. She began to sob. She sobbed so hard into the bend of her elbow that she couldn’t even feel the tears streaming from her eyes as they formed a small pool on either side of her forearm.
She woke suddenly to her alarm clock hollering at her to get up. She felt drained. She carefully crawled out of bed. Her feet hit the freezing floor, reminding her of the previous night’s conclusion. There was a message on the machine. She reluctantly pushed the button inevitably to hear a painful reiteration of the night’s occurrence.
“Beep”. “Hey, Jane. It’s me. I’s just calling to say ‘good morning’. I’m really glad we got to talk last night, bet you had as sweet of dreams as I did. Hope you have a good day at work, and hey, I love you.”
"Road to Nowhere" & "Death"
Road to Nowhere
My mind is on the road to nowhere,
My voice is silenced,
My heart is captive,
My soul is breathless,
My head is spinning at the pace of the world,
My heart beats louder than thunder,
My hands are as cold as ice,
My mind is on the road to nowhere,
And there is no turning back.
Death
Death has claimed another still,
Rendering me speechless, lacking fill,
A dull ache has been haunting me inside,
Lurking round every corner to hide,
And I thought for sure when I cried,
That it would clear up my mind,
Not dance around in circles,
Taunting me endlessly,
But I was wrong,
And it’s been aching all along.
My mind is on the road to nowhere,
My voice is silenced,
My heart is captive,
My soul is breathless,
My head is spinning at the pace of the world,
My heart beats louder than thunder,
My hands are as cold as ice,
My mind is on the road to nowhere,
And there is no turning back.
Death
Death has claimed another still,
Rendering me speechless, lacking fill,
A dull ache has been haunting me inside,
Lurking round every corner to hide,
And I thought for sure when I cried,
That it would clear up my mind,
Not dance around in circles,
Taunting me endlessly,
But I was wrong,
And it’s been aching all along.
Opinion-Nation
Opinion-nation,
Degradation,
We are tired of this abomination,
All creation,
Gives the sensation,
That we the people have no appreciation,
This alteration,
Is a declaration,
All our own from inspiration,
And congregation,
Leads to combination,
We've fallen victim to desperation,
The exaltation,
Of this deviation,
Magnifies our lack of education,
In the exploitation,
Of this opinion-nation,
We all chase some vindication,
All information,
And contemplation,
We loose our rights to all liberation,
And with obligation,
Comes a separation,
Of what's forced and what’s accommodation,
We live in world of complication,
Everyone wants his justification,
Changing this place with fluctuation,
It's steady and sure like gravitation,
Everybody's on some medication,
We can't find real alleviation,
Can somebody tell me where to find salvation?
No we're just looking for some validation,
In a place where we're same by association,
Somebody give me an estimation,
How long til we loose our fascination,
Til we're over run by corporation,
And we have no desire for relation,
How long before this adaptation,
Of our every last fixation,
Finds itself in dissipation,
What about the accumulation,
Of all our earned damnation,
What should we factor into the equation,
When calculating our summation,
Can somebody please find me a new translation,
So I can escape this condemnation?
Degradation,
We are tired of this abomination,
All creation,
Gives the sensation,
That we the people have no appreciation,
This alteration,
Is a declaration,
All our own from inspiration,
And congregation,
Leads to combination,
We've fallen victim to desperation,
The exaltation,
Of this deviation,
Magnifies our lack of education,
In the exploitation,
Of this opinion-nation,
We all chase some vindication,
All information,
And contemplation,
We loose our rights to all liberation,
And with obligation,
Comes a separation,
Of what's forced and what’s accommodation,
We live in world of complication,
Everyone wants his justification,
Changing this place with fluctuation,
It's steady and sure like gravitation,
Everybody's on some medication,
We can't find real alleviation,
Can somebody tell me where to find salvation?
No we're just looking for some validation,
In a place where we're same by association,
Somebody give me an estimation,
How long til we loose our fascination,
Til we're over run by corporation,
And we have no desire for relation,
How long before this adaptation,
Of our every last fixation,
Finds itself in dissipation,
What about the accumulation,
Of all our earned damnation,
What should we factor into the equation,
When calculating our summation,
Can somebody please find me a new translation,
So I can escape this condemnation?
Monday, December 01, 2008
Ooooooh, geez. Set to music, too!
I'm just doing my usual airing of thoughts for the month...or bi-month, i'm not really sure it's on a schedule. Probably not considering i'm not really on one. Haha. I'm going to inform you as the songs i'm listening to change! cause it could add some spice to this...or it could remain as boring as it always does.
"Mercy" - Duffy
I'm thoroughly convinced i could write anything in here and no one would ever read a word. I'd be like i'm pregnant and had a shot-gun wedding to my southern husband, and no one would ever ask me about it. Hahaha! I'll try it someday ;)
"Rock n' Roll" - Eric Hutchinson
I'm getting psyched for the end of the semester, in good ways and bad. I'm excited because I feel like my life will be totally different in about a month and a half, but that's also nerve-racking.
("Stop and Stare" - OneRepublic) So there are certain changes I'm totally pysched for, but at the same time there are ones i'm pretty scared of...and even the ones i'm positively excited for, i'm scared of. I'm excited to move out, but i'm scared i'll hate it. I don't think i will, but i've been wrong before, haha. Then there's the whole going from little Normandale, which is its own world to going to HUGE U of M that is its own world as well...but they're different.
I have a strong feeling i'm repeating myself here, so i'm trying to stray from that topic...I'm just still nervous! And i've been looking forward to the U for a while now, but i don't exactly hate normandale. It's nice knowing how things are done, and I'm already constantly confused about what the next step is with the U. Normandale totally babysits its students with it's like 5 letters a day about everything under the sun.
"Sweet and Low" - Augustana (such a great song, too bad it's the single)
Not to mention to get to all this change i have to survive the next two weeks...and when i think about how it's just over two weeks, i have a minor stroke. Slight exaggeration...maybe, but I'm not a plan-ahead type, so I like to know that i have some time to, well, basically to procrastinate. Which, now even knowing i don't have the time, i am procrastinating anyways. Brilliance.
Like my stupid paper for geography, just found out he won't take any more rough drafts after friday, i haven't touched this paper since midterms. ("Love Song" - Sara Bareilles) So i naturally took my four [overdue] books back to the library only to leave with seven more which i should probably bust my butt on for the next couple days. It's such an easy assignment, and yet i haven't touched it, barely thought about it last wednesday.
Barely squeezed out my communications assignment, which was also easy. I get so apathetic about school, haha. I know i could get A's...if i cared. lol. That's so bad, but so true.
"Can't Wait for October" - The Glad Version (haven't actually listened to this one yet, i dig so far)
But, *knock on wood* i think i've found my place of living! (just felt like structuring that sentence extremely weird, - it's what i do) ("Times Like These" - Jack Johnson) ("Let Her Cry" - Hootie & the Blowfish's Darius Rucker)
I'm randomly doing other things as well, just to clarify the spazztic-ness of the songs.
But yeah, the apartment, it sounds good and i don't want to jinx it by talking about it (not that that would really happen, just that if i say i'm gonna do something, it usually falls through. haha) but it could be the ticket! That is just one less thing on my mind! And it's SO close to school, i could bike when it gets warm out :) I can take my dog with me! I need her. Or maybe she needs me...both?
"Everybody's Talkin' " - Paolo Nutini (he sounds like an old man, haha)
It's not too cheap, it looks like i can fit my bed in the room! which is pure awesome, because i'd have to get used to a twin again (yuck!)
"I'm Your's" - Jason Mraz (i love how this song stars, haha so high-pitched in the cities version)
Wow, i just realized I'm such a cynic about love. LOL, it's kinda funny cause i know it comes in waves, but wow. Just so funny. Lol, maybe not about love, just dating. And going through the random times in my life when i'm annoyed with the male-species in general. Haha, then there are the random ones that are different from the rest that kind of bring me back to my senses...but the rest of them suck! haha, jk. I should try to be nice...
"Falling In Love at a coffeeshop" - Landon Pigg
I think this is a good song to end on before I sit with my thoughts and then go to work. My head is spinning with all the things to come in this next month and a half, but today I am kind of out of it so i can't fully freak out. I can't really do much...haha. Let's hope i can survive work!
Sorry, for your loss if you actually read this (my mind-vomit).
"Mercy" - Duffy
I'm thoroughly convinced i could write anything in here and no one would ever read a word. I'd be like i'm pregnant and had a shot-gun wedding to my southern husband, and no one would ever ask me about it. Hahaha! I'll try it someday ;)
"Rock n' Roll" - Eric Hutchinson
I'm getting psyched for the end of the semester, in good ways and bad. I'm excited because I feel like my life will be totally different in about a month and a half, but that's also nerve-racking.
("Stop and Stare" - OneRepublic) So there are certain changes I'm totally pysched for, but at the same time there are ones i'm pretty scared of...and even the ones i'm positively excited for, i'm scared of. I'm excited to move out, but i'm scared i'll hate it. I don't think i will, but i've been wrong before, haha. Then there's the whole going from little Normandale, which is its own world to going to HUGE U of M that is its own world as well...but they're different.
I have a strong feeling i'm repeating myself here, so i'm trying to stray from that topic...I'm just still nervous! And i've been looking forward to the U for a while now, but i don't exactly hate normandale. It's nice knowing how things are done, and I'm already constantly confused about what the next step is with the U. Normandale totally babysits its students with it's like 5 letters a day about everything under the sun.
"Sweet and Low" - Augustana (such a great song, too bad it's the single)
Not to mention to get to all this change i have to survive the next two weeks...and when i think about how it's just over two weeks, i have a minor stroke. Slight exaggeration...maybe, but I'm not a plan-ahead type, so I like to know that i have some time to, well, basically to procrastinate. Which, now even knowing i don't have the time, i am procrastinating anyways. Brilliance.
Like my stupid paper for geography, just found out he won't take any more rough drafts after friday, i haven't touched this paper since midterms. ("Love Song" - Sara Bareilles) So i naturally took my four [overdue] books back to the library only to leave with seven more which i should probably bust my butt on for the next couple days. It's such an easy assignment, and yet i haven't touched it, barely thought about it last wednesday.
Barely squeezed out my communications assignment, which was also easy. I get so apathetic about school, haha. I know i could get A's...if i cared. lol. That's so bad, but so true.
"Can't Wait for October" - The Glad Version (haven't actually listened to this one yet, i dig so far)
But, *knock on wood* i think i've found my place of living! (just felt like structuring that sentence extremely weird, - it's what i do) ("Times Like These" - Jack Johnson) ("Let Her Cry" - Hootie & the Blowfish's Darius Rucker)
I'm randomly doing other things as well, just to clarify the spazztic-ness of the songs.
But yeah, the apartment, it sounds good and i don't want to jinx it by talking about it (not that that would really happen, just that if i say i'm gonna do something, it usually falls through. haha) but it could be the ticket! That is just one less thing on my mind! And it's SO close to school, i could bike when it gets warm out :) I can take my dog with me! I need her. Or maybe she needs me...both?
"Everybody's Talkin' " - Paolo Nutini (he sounds like an old man, haha)
It's not too cheap, it looks like i can fit my bed in the room! which is pure awesome, because i'd have to get used to a twin again (yuck!)
"I'm Your's" - Jason Mraz (i love how this song stars, haha so high-pitched in the cities version)
Wow, i just realized I'm such a cynic about love. LOL, it's kinda funny cause i know it comes in waves, but wow. Just so funny. Lol, maybe not about love, just dating. And going through the random times in my life when i'm annoyed with the male-species in general. Haha, then there are the random ones that are different from the rest that kind of bring me back to my senses...but the rest of them suck! haha, jk. I should try to be nice...
"Falling In Love at a coffeeshop" - Landon Pigg
I think this is a good song to end on before I sit with my thoughts and then go to work. My head is spinning with all the things to come in this next month and a half, but today I am kind of out of it so i can't fully freak out. I can't really do much...haha. Let's hope i can survive work!
Sorry, for your loss if you actually read this (my mind-vomit).
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