I'm sitting in my bed, staring at the huge pile of books on health care reform. My face is naturally scrunching with emotion; I can't really stop it unless I think really hard about relaxing...still nothing. I have an abundance of homework I should be working on instead of pausing in fear. I'm at that point where I just want to have a breakdown, but I don't even have enough in me for that. I feel like I want to cry right now, but I don't feel like that's going to make anything better or that I even have the time or energy to. That is a sick state to be in, let me tell you.
I think they call it overwhelmed. I am quite thoroughly overwhelmed by all the unknown that lies before me. I know, I've been saying that a lot in these things, but I'm getting really overwhelmed thinking about it all. Now to top it off, I'm pretty sure I'm going to either get a new job altogether, or just get an additional one. Not to mention, when starbucks starts cutting corners you really know the economy is not doing so hot.
I'm hoping (so much) that i'm overreacting, that it's not that horrible of a situation and that things will pan out...but so much is being thrown up in the air and i don't know where it's all going to fall.
It makes me just want to nap. Napping is what I do, when I don't want to think about life or what I should be doing instead of catching up on the sleep i missed the night before because I was doing something else instead of sleeping! It's pretty much the only time I can manage to get my brain to shut off. Not even when I go to sleep at night; then i have trouble falling asleep, but nap time! Oh, no trouble there. Stopping the day and the crazy continuous turning of the world just to get some decent rest, that is no problem for me.
The problem is that I don't have much time for that this week. No, this week is a giant hurdle I have to clear (mostly because I have an issue with procrastination), only to be faced with many more that are seemingly larger, more important issues than a few papers or assignments (but i guess that depends who you ask).
Well, for now there is only one solution and that is this: to stop thinking about everything at once, and tackle these things one at a time, yet multi-task for the ones that require cumulative attention. I'll let you know how it turns out...I need some chocolate.
