"Sitting With You" & a few other poems

The bottom one goes out to a few people, though originally written for someone particular

Sitting With You
Fast heavy head pounding,
World weighing down surrounding,
Tears are welling up inside,
From choking pain I can’t hid,
Floating up numb sensations,
From our dull conversations,
Blank eyes point my direction,
Searching me like harsh inspection,
An awful cringe creeps up in me,
Twinging, tugging endlessly,
Dragging feet brush hard ground,
As my head continues to pound,
Rushing madness through my viens,
As yet another thought refrains,
Tossing, turning in my gut,
Got myself stuck in this rut

Does Anyone Care?
As she’s driving down the street,
All the lights go out of focus,
In this messed up world,
Can’t anything provoke us?
No one notices,
With tears in her eyes,
Does anyone care,
If she lays down and cries?
She pulls the car over,
Puts her head in her hands,
She can’t do it anymore,
Meet the world with it’s demands,
No one notices,
The tears in her eyes,
Does anyone care,
If she gives up or tries?
She puts it back in drive,
Speeds away from the curb,
Veers the wrong way,
A scene fit to disturb,
No one could miss it,
No more tears in her eyes,
Does no one care,
If she lays there and dies?

This poem is actually a song
I'll Love You Forever

You know me better,
Than anyone,
You know my secrets,
And share my dreams,
We’ve been best friends for,
Forever it seems, oh-oh,
I’ll love you forever, yeah,
Never say “never”, oh,
Sometimes I say,
I wish others knew her this way,
With a friendship like this,
No faults need dismiss,
I can fall on you,
You hold my hand,
Let me cry,
I’ll love you forever, yeah,
Never say “never”, oh,
Sometimes I say,
I’m glad to love her this way,
Yeah, I’ll love you forever,
Oh never say “never”,
Right from the start,
You’ll always be in my heart,
What can I say but,
I’ll love forever, yeah,
Never say “never”, oh,
Cause we’ll always be together,
So just love me forever, yeah

Tell It Like T.V.

Do you ever wish you could be as blatantly honest as they are on T.V.? Don't you just picture yourself telling someone off with a not-so-subtle but very blundt certainty of yourself? Don't you ever wish that the words would come out just like a thoroughly practiced speech, just right? - that maybe it would be just what it takes to get through to that someone? Just what it takes to finally prove your point and render them dumbfounded? That is what goes on in my head in about 77.3% of my life.

What a Way to End the Day

Sometimes, it takes a quiet piano melody, a strong silent prayer, and a deep breath to bring you back to reality - maybe a couple deep breaths. I hate it when things aren't going bad and at the end of the day, something brings you down, or someone. I hate it when someone else seems to think that right before I go to bed is the perfect time to ruin my day. It's funny how life works like that. Hmm...well maybe sleep will make it better (?)

I think people just need to take a step back and close their eyes and think...breathe. It works, you should try it sometime!

Chills & Goosebumps

I was completely shocked when I heard about the virginia tech shootings today. I was in the bank, getting money so i could have my starbuck's. I happened to want to see what was happening in the world today - I didn't expect this. Chills ran across my body, tingling all over me as goosebumps popped up on my arms. I thought about how I had just been at my school, how that could have been my school. I thought about how I'm used to the idea of that at high school, but not at a college! I'm sure people rarely think of it after the Kent state incident in the 70s. I was completely pysched out all afternoon and surprisingly almost everyone I mentioned it to had little to no reaction. I was absolutely shocked and almost cried at the bank in the teller line. I thought about how those poor students were probably all sitting in some class they hated, thinking about how boring the teacher was or how they'd rather be sleeping...they didn't know. If you really put yourself in that situation, imagine yourself in their shoes, it's amazing and eye-opening. It makes me think about how lucky i am (despite the fact i often think i hate my life) to have every day.

Just think if you were one of those kids, lets say sitting in some boring-ass math class, and then before you know it complete chaos breaks out. I honestly am still shocked. When I got in my car and was thinking I just sat at the stoplight and prayed. Those poor families and friends that were expecting nothing but another dull monday.

The people who were there first & will be there still

I just got to thinking yesterday how I'm really annoyed with some of my friends and family members who start dating someone and drop everyone else. I don't think they realize how much it hurts to be that person that gets dropped faster than a hot cup of coffee. It sucks because it's like you're one of the people that was there first, you were there when there was no man. Now that there is one, you become lower on the priority level; now that there is one, you aren't important enough to make time for, or you'll understand because you're just that understanding. It's funny, cause if someone thought that about me (that i'd be that understanding) they'd have to be crazy! There's no way I would ever understand that mentality - no way! It's unfair because whether or not the couple makes it, you'll be there in the end waiting like the dog at the door at the end of the day: even though you got left behind, you're still there ready for your one-on-one time. Part of me tells me that it will fade, it's just the "honeymoon period" essentially. Once the complete infatuation for one another dies down, some time will free up. It's probably a stupid lie I tell myself just to get this thinking to stop. Maybe that's how it is when you find the right person, maybe no one else is important and maybe I'll be that way...but I hope and I pray, that if that's not the way it is, but that's the way I am, I hope & pray someone snaps me out of it.

*If you think this note is directed at you, it may well be...but not just you, don't flatter yourself!*

P.S. I know 2 people (that i appreciate) who are doing things right!

High on Tired

So last night, bethany david and i decided to stay up really late (well at least some of us were up...lol) and we got super tired and giggly. It was so much fun and it's been a long time since sitting around doing nothing was that much fun! We just laughed and talked about everything and laughed some more, we enjoyed a fire and it was cool to be stress free. It seems like i'm always worried about school or something, there's always something weighing on me but there wasn't last night. It was just free and fun and we enjoyed ourselves and then slept hardcore!

Love you david and be!!

Don't believe in "luck"? Let's call it a blessing then

I was writing my paper for photo class (yes that's right: photo class) about my brother's tour of duty in Iraq this past year. I've been reminiscing about it a lot, not that I think that's the right word for it but just remembering a lot of things about him leaving, being gone, and returning. There are movie replaying over and over in my mind. Some make me cry from the pain that still lingers, and others, from pure joy. I just keep thinking about how lucky I am that my brother came back, unharmed. I know luck isn't the right word, it's a blessing. Odd as it is to say, his nine month tour in one of the world's most dangerous places was a blessing. He probably got to see a side of me that he never had through my letters and I realized how important family is to me.

Before his tour, I would think Joe was the least connected to me out of all my siblings. We didn't even really have a history like I at least did with all my other siblings. After this, I truly appreciate him and cherish him, I hold him so near to my heart and thank God so much that he came home safely. I guess that's our history.

It's funny because back when he went to boot camp when I was in eighth grade, we went down to Great Lakes Chicago to his graduation. His wife (then fiance) obviously gave him a big hug because it had been -I can't remember- six weeks (?). And I waited my turn when my mom said "You know something, Joe...it's odd but do you know who missed you the most?" and He looked intrigued, "Alicia." she said, "She just kept saying, 'It's weird but I really miss Joe'."

It's funny because I did, but didn't know why. This time around (for his deployment) I missed him like crazy, wrote him tons of letters and talked to him on the phone about random things for what little time I could possibly steal.

I love to replay the memory of my realization that he was walking up our lawn and our hug where I practically tackled him. Although the day he left Minnesota was the worst of my life, I guarantee that the day he returned was one of the best!