Is it weird that this [my blog] is my bear-all? I don't think so, then again I'm a huge fan of vulnerability and verbal processing. In a way, this feels like verbal processing. And being my personality type, I'm overly concerned with being understood...Anyway, let's really talk about my dating life (or, still, lack thereof).
I did something maybe a little crazy, recently. I had spent way too long wondering, instead of just asking. Somehow, I got the crazy nerve up to just ask; enough time not wanting to give up hope, I guess. Which brought the best rejection I could have ever hoped for, if that was what I had been hoping for. I'm too curious to leave these things up to my assumptions. I wasn't shocked, I wasn't sad -- if anything relieved. And the whole thing left me thinking, why in the heck didn't I do that sooner? I don't believe anything is a waste of time, (other than getting lost and just going home instead, which I have been known to do a time or two...) but I just could have saved myself a lot of...wondering.
We'll see what it means for my future endeavors. At first it meant an impulsive return to dating websites -- and why? Who knows...but it will likely be short-lived, again as I am still basically under the impression it's not for me. Maybe it means taking the chance earlier on to just know, and be more carefree about this whole silly thing that I don't even really know how I feel about it. I mean I know how I feel about politics, coffee, and running, but how do I feel about dating? Who knows! Except that I want to worry about it less. I'm far better than I once was, but it's too easy to obsess, and even harder to not think there's more to everything than there is. Which is especially hard for me, because in life I don't think that anything is as simple as it seems.
It made me feel free. Why didn't I do that sooner? I am admittedly still quite ignorant in this area, but I feel like I grew up a little in that moment. I learned something. I can stand a little taller, even if it was the wimpiest attempt at...whatever it was, ever. If you don't take the risk, you'll never know.
