One of life's undeniable beauties is that we each have a story. Each one of us comes from a different place, at a different time, born into different circumstance and varying family sizes. All the experiences up to each moment wash over us to make us who we are, whether adding a sediment or eroding away. There are times when I lose sight of how far I've come, and what the journey has entailed (apologies if the metaphor of a journey is all-too cliche), but when I pull back to see it in full-perspective, I note the distance and cherish the road.
Recently I found myself weary on this stretch, this leg; hopelessly looking ahead at terrain I don't know how to navigate. Yet, every time I am reminded of the beauty that has come from what I perceived to be ash. When all I've ever known is being taken care of, how could I ever worry? And any time the anxiety creeps in, a reminder has been sure to follow, leaving me feeling sheepish (ha! no pun intended).
Somehow, even though I've been unemployed for a nearing month without income, and haven't had "savings" since before I graduated high school, I have been able to pay all my bills and still have money. Granted, I've been putting groceries and gas on my credit card, it still doesn't make sense. It just doesn't add up; it's stretched, how is it possible? Still I'm taken care of!
I was reminded of two major impacts of my [thus far young] life: college and YWAM. There's even interplay between the two and how they were difficult and yet blessed pieces of my story. In high school as a freshman when we were first directed to begin thinking about the career we wanted someday, I was sure I wanted to be a writer. I am far less naive now than I was then, and was bent on it. I didn't see it as a lifestyle and simple hobby, but rather something I could make a living at. Maybe someday still. Then, as I continued on, I thought I'd go to art school for photography. I looked at two very expensive art schools, and decided that wasn't wise.
Essentially I settled on the U, without much care, save for their renowned journalism school. Journalism, it was perfect! I could incorporate both writing and photography; my two paths met. A few semesters later and nearly completed bachelor's in journalism, I was not allowed into the major. Make sense outta that! Enter: confusion and a gap year.
Somewhere in the midst, I tried to chase the dream to go to Paris. I've always loved traveling and the adventure of somewhere new, and I'd decided to study abroad. Boy, was it expensive! Just before the deadline of no-turning-back, I felt the same way I had about art school. The cost just could not be justified. Flash forward months, and by what could seem happenstance, I made the decision to take a gap year considering the unknown state of my major with only seven credits to go to complete a bachelors, and do a Discipleship Training School. Aside from knowing the Lord and being born into the family that I was, this is the best thing to happen to me.
I don't completely recall, but I believe it was upon my return to the States that I decided to complete a degree incorporating all of my loves: Mass Comm, English, and Art. A place I never would've landed, had not all of my circumstances led me there. Though YWAM was a refining time, it was not difficult in the way much of my time at the U was. My career at the U before my gap year consisted of a lot of turmoil over where I was meant to take my life, and where it was taking me. Knowing that as only one can know their own experience so well, I choose trust. I choose to be worry free.
There are things that are preparation for something else to come, and aren't easy, but if what's to come is good, the difficulty is worth all the pain.
One of my favorite quotes that's been with me through much of my faith journey is, "First it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done." J. Hudson Taylor
