I originally set out to write something different, and I already know it won't be so. One of the few times I plan something, and even then the plan goes out the window...college was hard for me.
I find myself still battling the need to explain my every thought. And yet somehow keep a blog alive, I guess. But even here, as of late, I would say my writing has become quite esoteric (I love to use that word, 10 pts) and far less relate-able than is the desired goal. Being the perpetual introspective naval-gazer that I am, (though maybe in a less negative way than the connotation of that phrase) I notice that it's not a simple change because it lies in something deeper. Every personality test I've ever taken - colors, myer's briggs, kiersey, enneagram, etc. - will describe me as one who desires to be known for who I really am...and also nearly obsessed with self-discovery and personal cultivation.
I'm pretty aware of this, so I try not to obliviously smother anyone with the need to be heard; just get it off my chest. The problem is that there's an enabler; a coddler, if you will, known as Social Media.
In this day and age, you want to be heard by someone? There are maybe ten widely-used platforms, and hundreds more where that came from. Someone will hear what you have to say, or read it, or see what you see, and half-heartedly agree with a 'like'. It is a pretty blatant cry to be noticed and to be validated.
Admittedly, I find myself caught in it just as much as the next person, but I also find it easy to criticize, and make light of because I see the holes in it. I see that it's filling a void for me, and I'm sure many others, in an unhealthy and unrealistic way. Where is the true relationship? It's fading. Fast. I mean, I say I'm caught because I love some advantages, such as how readily available the updates are on the lives of friends around the world. In other cases it's merely an illusion of real connection, "friends" from grade school or high school, or friends of friends. And so, that's where I find myself caught in the middle and walking a line.
I've been hankering for a social media hiatus, but found it a little hard to enforce when unemployed; spending 35% of my hours asleep, 15% actually with people, and the other 50% by myself trying not to go crazy from boredom. I've been riding the brakes on it for a while, thinking how much would it really affect my life? A lot of jobs I was looking at or interested in, required you to be knowledgeable in social media...do you think checking it 25 times a day counts? It also seemed a little sad to me, to say I need to give it up to give myself a reality check - but it's true!
If I'm honest with myself, if we were all honest with ourselves, we could put that time a lot better places. Heck, I spent over an hour on Pinterest, which I didn't previously even understand the point of, tonight, just so I wouldn't have to really use my brain! That's a cop out. (Poor cops, gettin' a bad rep.)
So it's less of a formal hiatus, as I've done a few times in the past, but more of an intentional keeping-self-in-check. Bearing in mind, that I'm passionate about communication and conversation, but that's rooted in being passionate about relationship; realistically there is no relationship being carried on there [in social media]. I want to get back to the reality that's sitting there in the background, going on without us.
