Encouragement has been on my heart, as of late. Not necessarily that I've been feeling very encouraged - in fact the opposite, - but just how important it is to me; how effective it is in life.
Last week at work was rough. I actually just felt extremely discouraged. I was pulled aside by my boss who never really talks to me about work, to tell me I should be doing something that I hadn't been. I like to do well; I like to know how to do something, and get good at it. Things that I'm not good at make me feel really insecure and if I don't quickly figure it out, I usually give up. (...character flaw much?...) Then the poo hit the fan, as they say and I got slammed. Needless to further indulge myself with detailing it; it was a bad week. This week, to follow was busy in the aftermath. I barely took lunches, I was working to catch up.
I had felt myself starved for encouragement that previous week. I haven't really given it much thought, until my eldest sister and I were having a discussion about personality and identity. She was talking about a conference she went to and how personality types and descriptors have a lot to do with your purpose. For example, she talked about how my type is the Champion, so I like to encourage people and lift them up, and if I was experiencing the opposite, I should recognize my nature and choose to remove myself, or speak up. Well just today I was thinking to myself about how much our gifts and tendencies can become a curse and a bad habit, if we let them. If we don't own those qualities or characteristics as ours, and begin to live in them, what are we even doing?
I think that's been a huge part of my struggle to find...place in the last, oh, year or so. If I am not living consciously, as the person I am and the version of that that I want to be - what is my life about? It's certainly not about doing mediocre things and watching a lot of TV shows. Which is what I feel like the last year has been, in summation. Of course, that's also an exaggeration, I've done some really worthwhile things, but I've wasted so much time, too.
After getting some encouragement this week in the form of a challenge to keep myself encouraged by simply reining my thoughts in, I was reminded. In a small way, (and through honestly months of building) I was reminded of who I am; what my purpose is, in part. When I was focusing on keeping my heart in a right place, what naturally sprung forth was encouragement. I felt a little sheepish, being so...gushy. I've quickly realized the only reason it feels silly is because it's not normal.
We're in a society taught to criticize, and to achieve, instead of to dream. To expect instead of to see. I've enjoyed just seeing again; things for what they are, but for the good of what they are. And I guess, that's what I did with myself this week, or maybe in these last few weeks. I know I can tend toward the negative and fall toward the judgmental, but it's only if I'm living loosely and not keeping myself in check; if I'm not aiming to strive in living as I'm made to live.
For as flippant a person as I may seem to the naked eye, I am a huge proponent of conscious living. And even if I'm not perfect at it, I've seen and realize that I am much better in life, if I am cheering people on, standing up with them, and building them up, rather than tearing down and apart. I have to remind myself that I do not live my life to live well, but to love well. Happy, healthy living follows.
