It's a haze. I've been in a haze, that's what this is. I've been in this strange time in my life, that I don't really understand. I feel like nothing's been going on. Like when people haven't seen you in a while, and they ask "How have you been?" or the ever-pointless "What's new?" (it's okay, I ask it too, but it doesn't mean that I don't like it), and you struggle to find anything to say. That's what life has felt like.
It's been hard to figure out what's going on. I have been going to school again, going to work sporadically, and going to church every Sunday. Nothing is spectacular, nothing is new and original. It's original in the sense of chips; it's plain and the same as it has always been, no flavor to catch you off guard or offend your senses.
I like to think I wouldn't mind being offended a little bit, in the flavored-chip sense.
The thing is, I can't help but be analytical. It's just a bit of a struggle when all you have to analyze is why are things so boring? I've been thinking, a big part of what I have been learning since returning home in August is how to have grace for the small things. How to have grace in the boring, yes, but that's the most I can think of happening, situations where I've needed to have grace I didn't know I could access.
It's definitely something beyond me, because I tend to get really passionate about how I feel about something, whether excited or offended, or whatever. And I look back on these things, and I wonder how I managed to handle it. Again, life has been rather uneventful, but alongside the uneventfulness, have been these little blips on the radar.
The blips and the lack of excitement lead me to the conclusion that I am to have grace. That's what I'm learning. It's learning when to listen; when to hold my tongue. It's learning what are battles to fight, and what just aren't. It's learning how to sit in a class, listening to a professor talk about things I completely disagree with, and not get angry, - but to laugh. It's learning when to tell a friend that the relationship isn't what it was, or to go along with it as is; the difference unspoken. It's learning to live with joy in the mundane.
It's falling on your face, and getting up and acknowledging that sometimes we trip; balance is imperfect. Life is imperfect, so live with grace.
