Let's cut to the chase here, (what does that even mean?...i could never cut to the chase, i wouldn't be me without fragmenting a couple sentences with elongated parenthetical statements in the middle) I feel like I'm getting more impatient. Maybe it's not that, as much as I feel like I could have more patience. I used to consider myself a pretty patient person, but I've been noticing more that I could use more.
I'm currently a little impatient with things in my life, but in the better part of me I know that I need to accept how things are now. I just can't get my emotions and feelings to follow that. They and my reasoning do not get along.
A little was an understatement. I'm at that point where I can sense changes in the future, and I'm looking forward to the future, even if they aren't the easiest changes. The problem is, I'm ignoring the present. I've been thinking about what I want this time to be, but not as much what I think it actually is.
What is this time? I've been lost in work, and trying to keep up with just a couple friends. It's so busy, but I don't feel like it's anything. I want this to be a time of preparation, and not just before a change, but a change in and of itself. But then, I don't know in what way. The line of a sense and a want is blurring here, as it often does for me.
I think what's got me impatient is ironic because I'm not seeking it from God. Maybe that's too personal to share, but I haven't really figured out my personal boundary on personal things yet (ha). Another line I walk. My point being, I know that the change and clarification I seek, need come from God, yet it's only a bit of a revelation to me now. The irony is that I want my time before YWAM to be growing in prayer!
Go figure.
