Alright, so I'm a little scared. A lot is going to change this coming fall; I lied, I'm a lot scared. It seems like so much is different and unknown that I'm not prepared for. I didn't think graduating from high school would throw me for a loop this much but it's not just a set track for me anymore, I can sort of pave my own way and with that comes the possibility of making mistakes; and with that responsibility. It makes me to nauseas to think about all at once.
Not to mention I will be frequently deprived of my 3 best friends. I don't like meeting new people, I don't even want to make new friends. Is that sad? I like meeting new people. I can't make up my mind apparently, but I already knew that. Back to my point, I'm going to have far too much free time, I fear I'm going to have to make additional friends. This sounds so snobby, it's not meant to. I'm just afraid of it. I'm content having the friends I have now who accept me and I don't have to prove things to them. I am at comfort levels with them that take time, I don't know that I'm ready to start new ones. Especially right now. Yet, it's kind of exciting.
I just think it's awkward. Making new friends is awkward. I'm stressing out about this way too much. I just have such great friends, that I feel like the only reason to search out more (not that I'm one for searching out people to hone in on and make friends with...) is because I will be separated from my already awesome ones.
Maybe I'm overreacting (I do that sometimes). Maybe it won't be that bad and I'll be so busy I won't notice or have a lot of time anyways to even miss them. That's what I'm hoping. I'm sorta hoping, too, that it all happens how it happens, and with ease. I don't want to work at making friends, in my mind you just click with people. I don't want to be stressed about grades and deciding my next step.
I feel like these last months have been deciding my next step and then changing my mind about it for some reason or another.
One thing I am sure about, this year is going to be another giant experience in which I can figure out God more. He's reassured me of that too. Whatever happens it will be an experience, and I'll never really be alone. I guess that's comfort enough for now. Plus I'm laid back enough that I can deal with the repercussions of my choices.
