It was the sweetest thing, I was rushing out of Normandale today to go to work, i was already late and felt bad for all the times I've taken advantage of my bosses' leniancy (sp?). I had been developing photographs in the lab, and had grabbed my portfolio and stuffed my pictures in there.
I was headed for the main door and the parking lot. As I came up behind this guy was going through the door in front of me, he looked back to see if there was anyone to hold the door for - sort of out of habit, I could tell, just as I walked through behind him. Then it was about to be awkward, I predicted, as he was going to let me go ahead of him through the next door, but to my relief reached to hold push open...despite the fact that I visibly had an available hand.
It just seemed so sweet to me, it was a very sincere thing to do. I'm not suggesting he thought I was attractive therefore did that or anything of that matter, just that it was nice. I love it when guys do that and not just to be that way, to be that guy. When they do it just to because.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I'm a Bad Person
So i'm pretty sure I'm a bad person...ya wanna know why? Well of course you do, you opened this note didn't ya? Hehe, i went to go rent a movie for ma mere (my mom) et moi (and me) to watch since mon pere n'est pas ici. I had missed driving most out of any activity I was deprived of whilst on my trip. Well on my way home, i was trying to fish-tail on my turns cause...let's face it - it's fun! I decided to take a couple laps around our neighborhood. I got some fish tailing in on the street north of ours, then i decided to hit up the one south that has a very sharp turn, that one i totally spun out on, did a 540! It was pretty much amazing...and sinful, jk. I don't know about that part. So i just kept driving around, attempt to slide or spin, whatever happened - happened. It was a good time and I sure enjoyed myself take corners at 20mph when there's this level of snow out, you're bound to slide or something! There's only one problem: i'm addicted.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Beauty in the Breakdown
Last night I had some majorly needed talk time with God. I had some things (many things, more than those of which you know) I needed to pray about, I needed God's counsel and comfort. I just wrote out some things and still felt pretty crappy, not having gained the relief which I was hoping for. I asked God to break me down, to bring me back to who I am, and only leave my love for Him. I wanted him to wash away the dust and dirt, to fix my broken heart, to take away the hurt...afterwards felt nothing.
I did however, like the little quote from Chuck Swindoll that was at the top of the page that day in my prayer journal. It always has lots of helpful quotes at the beginning and end of the writing spaces. It clicked that I should use it as a reference when I had to lead prayer (candle time) at youth group this coming sunday. I hadn't figured out what I wanted to do - I just knew I wanted it to be different, different than the norm.
So I went back through the pages which I had already adorned with the words of my heart that flowed from my pen. I discovered a few more quotes that I wanted to share with people when I lead prayer. I decided to read what I had been writing about when I came across a literal list of things i had prayed for. I regularly amuse myself and therefore, I wanted to read this. I kept reading all the entries.
It was amazing to come accross slowly but surely, more and more answered prayers. Well of course, all prayers are answered, but answered 'yes' or blessings given. I had been praying all through last spring for God to send me some better friends because my friends at school weren't fufilling like others I had in the past and some friendships were fading. I had been praying that the money for REACH would come through, my parents had forked over a significant amount already and I didn't want to burden them more. I later on had been praying about my mother and my search for a car for me - that was very difficult and stressful!! Of course I had been praying regularly for His safety for joe, protection over him as promised in (Psalm 91:5). I had been praying for the hurt on my heart that I had lead myself to, that I let happen.
All of those prayers were answered, sure enough on God's time...according to his will, but they were answered! All the money for REACH came in and overflowed (Psalm 23:5). Reach was an amazing time which I also forgot to mention that I prayed about A LOT! I befriended margaret - margaret befriended me, whichever way it went, that's when we started to hang out. Ever since we've been SUPER tight, she is a total answer to prayer, and discovering that i prayed so much about that made me just cry. My finding the right car! Me and fitz were meant to be, it was always meant to be. When that car came down the assembly line somewheres in Japan in the year of 1994 (it's a 95), God was making it (via some person) knowing that it would be mine in the future...hehe. Obviously, Joe making it home was probably a tie for the best answer to prayer! And I finally gave the broken pieces of my heart to God, letting him put it back together again.
All those most important of my prayers were answered. Seeing that and all those things becoming clear to me just broke me down. I laid my face in my hands and just spoke to God, half under my breath, half out loud. I just sat there and poured my heart out to him more truly than any time before, more trusting than ever before. As I was praying, face-in-hands, I could not even feel the tears that were flowing endlessly from my eyes. I didn't know until a pause I took after a long while to look up, and all this water was on my hands. It didn't feel like I was crying, but there were these tears; sitting in my hands, rolling off my hands. It's like all the pain I was feeling, all the anxiety I was pouring out to God didn't even hurt at that moment - I didn't feel the tears, didn't feel the pain. God gave me that, he knew I needed a good cry and could not even bring it on myself...he brought it on. He broke me down just like I had asked him to do in my written prayers earlier that night. There was an absolute beauty in the breakdown!
I did however, like the little quote from Chuck Swindoll that was at the top of the page that day in my prayer journal. It always has lots of helpful quotes at the beginning and end of the writing spaces. It clicked that I should use it as a reference when I had to lead prayer (candle time) at youth group this coming sunday. I hadn't figured out what I wanted to do - I just knew I wanted it to be different, different than the norm.
So I went back through the pages which I had already adorned with the words of my heart that flowed from my pen. I discovered a few more quotes that I wanted to share with people when I lead prayer. I decided to read what I had been writing about when I came across a literal list of things i had prayed for. I regularly amuse myself and therefore, I wanted to read this. I kept reading all the entries.
It was amazing to come accross slowly but surely, more and more answered prayers. Well of course, all prayers are answered, but answered 'yes' or blessings given. I had been praying all through last spring for God to send me some better friends because my friends at school weren't fufilling like others I had in the past and some friendships were fading. I had been praying that the money for REACH would come through, my parents had forked over a significant amount already and I didn't want to burden them more. I later on had been praying about my mother and my search for a car for me - that was very difficult and stressful!! Of course I had been praying regularly for His safety for joe, protection over him as promised in (Psalm 91:5). I had been praying for the hurt on my heart that I had lead myself to, that I let happen.
All of those prayers were answered, sure enough on God's time...according to his will, but they were answered! All the money for REACH came in and overflowed (Psalm 23:5). Reach was an amazing time which I also forgot to mention that I prayed about A LOT! I befriended margaret - margaret befriended me, whichever way it went, that's when we started to hang out. Ever since we've been SUPER tight, she is a total answer to prayer, and discovering that i prayed so much about that made me just cry. My finding the right car! Me and fitz were meant to be, it was always meant to be. When that car came down the assembly line somewheres in Japan in the year of 1994 (it's a 95), God was making it (via some person) knowing that it would be mine in the future...hehe. Obviously, Joe making it home was probably a tie for the best answer to prayer! And I finally gave the broken pieces of my heart to God, letting him put it back together again.
All those most important of my prayers were answered. Seeing that and all those things becoming clear to me just broke me down. I laid my face in my hands and just spoke to God, half under my breath, half out loud. I just sat there and poured my heart out to him more truly than any time before, more trusting than ever before. As I was praying, face-in-hands, I could not even feel the tears that were flowing endlessly from my eyes. I didn't know until a pause I took after a long while to look up, and all this water was on my hands. It didn't feel like I was crying, but there were these tears; sitting in my hands, rolling off my hands. It's like all the pain I was feeling, all the anxiety I was pouring out to God didn't even hurt at that moment - I didn't feel the tears, didn't feel the pain. God gave me that, he knew I needed a good cry and could not even bring it on myself...he brought it on. He broke me down just like I had asked him to do in my written prayers earlier that night. There was an absolute beauty in the breakdown!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Colorado!
I really have been missing colorado! For a long time now! I was looking at my sister Danielle's friend's myspace, from colorado. She had a photo of her in front of the mountains and they are just soo amazing!! FOR REAL! I've had this longing just to go there and experience it! Maybe i could talk Danielle into going out there with me. I just want to go back and see all that nature has to offer. Those mountains are just about the most amazing thing you will ever see.
The best part is when you're driving through Boulder (i believe) the mountains are humungaloude and they surround you. It's indesribably amazing, and so much a sign of God in this world. I MISS IT!! Oh and Teluride isn't half bad either, if ever you get the chance, take the gondala thingers up the mountainside! Gorgeous!
We went I think 3 years in a row? somewhere around that amount and there were so many good memories and beautiful sights to see. I just want to roadtrip out there and jam out to music the whole way. Go see some stupid tourist attraction (or possibly a cool one). Maybe i'll live there someday, it's one rural state that i wouldn't mind so much i think. It's just so wonderful, but then again i haven't experienced a colorado winter...hmm. Problematic.
I think i'll go...it's basically been decided. I'm going to colorado souly/solely whatever it is, to see the mountains. THat's it, then when i've seen enough of them, from as many different angles as one could imagine, i'll come home.
So i lied i may hit up wyoming again too...hehe
The best part is when you're driving through Boulder (i believe) the mountains are humungaloude and they surround you. It's indesribably amazing, and so much a sign of God in this world. I MISS IT!! Oh and Teluride isn't half bad either, if ever you get the chance, take the gondala thingers up the mountainside! Gorgeous!
We went I think 3 years in a row? somewhere around that amount and there were so many good memories and beautiful sights to see. I just want to roadtrip out there and jam out to music the whole way. Go see some stupid tourist attraction (or possibly a cool one). Maybe i'll live there someday, it's one rural state that i wouldn't mind so much i think. It's just so wonderful, but then again i haven't experienced a colorado winter...hmm. Problematic.
I think i'll go...it's basically been decided. I'm going to colorado souly/solely whatever it is, to see the mountains. THat's it, then when i've seen enough of them, from as many different angles as one could imagine, i'll come home.
So i lied i may hit up wyoming again too...hehe
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Walking Through Life
I've been in a very contemplative mood lately. I'm working on this new thing where i figure out my thoughts so that i don't get tangled up in them. We'll see how that pans out. It's really an interesting theory that i can't say i've practiced thoroughly before in my life.
Honesty hasn't been a problem, i'm fairly good at being honest with myself when it is needed. Most people, follow their emotions and let them lead their lives. I'm trying to change that part of me too i guess. Just sorting out my thoughts before i take the next step, we don't really think about it that way but we should. We just keep walking, - maybe - until we've gone somewhere we don't want to go. We don't watch our next step, we rarely look ahead to see where we are going or how far away it is. Sometimes, i feel like, if i had known, if i had looked up -to see how far off it was, how impossible it was, what it would take- i would have given up. And in some cases that would have been good. But other times, if you want something enough, you could go miles and it would seem like nothing, all because it's worth it, and it's certain. Certainty is something i'm struggling with too. I guess that goes hand in hand with sorting out my thoughts. I want to be certain of my thoughts before i start new ones; I want to know my foot is planted on firm ground before i lift the other to take another step.
It's funny that i would use the walking analogy because yesterday i was walking in Minneapolis, not watching where i was going and i tripped on a huge unlevel part of the sidewalk. I fell on my palms and scrapped my right knee, leaving a new hole in my old jeans. At first, i cursed a lot and loudly, then i realized the hilarity of the situation and laughed as I walked to my car.
It's odd because that's sort of how life works. It's painful at the time; it hurts a lot. You realize how stupid you were for making that mistake, taking that route, not watching your feet. Just like my hands hurt after they were scraped on the concrete: they stung the whole drive home. And that, for you, is life.
Honesty hasn't been a problem, i'm fairly good at being honest with myself when it is needed. Most people, follow their emotions and let them lead their lives. I'm trying to change that part of me too i guess. Just sorting out my thoughts before i take the next step, we don't really think about it that way but we should. We just keep walking, - maybe - until we've gone somewhere we don't want to go. We don't watch our next step, we rarely look ahead to see where we are going or how far away it is. Sometimes, i feel like, if i had known, if i had looked up -to see how far off it was, how impossible it was, what it would take- i would have given up. And in some cases that would have been good. But other times, if you want something enough, you could go miles and it would seem like nothing, all because it's worth it, and it's certain. Certainty is something i'm struggling with too. I guess that goes hand in hand with sorting out my thoughts. I want to be certain of my thoughts before i start new ones; I want to know my foot is planted on firm ground before i lift the other to take another step.
It's funny that i would use the walking analogy because yesterday i was walking in Minneapolis, not watching where i was going and i tripped on a huge unlevel part of the sidewalk. I fell on my palms and scrapped my right knee, leaving a new hole in my old jeans. At first, i cursed a lot and loudly, then i realized the hilarity of the situation and laughed as I walked to my car.
It's odd because that's sort of how life works. It's painful at the time; it hurts a lot. You realize how stupid you were for making that mistake, taking that route, not watching your feet. Just like my hands hurt after they were scraped on the concrete: they stung the whole drive home. And that, for you, is life.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Ground...wait, what's it called?
Oh, grounded! Yeah i am grounded. I didn't call soon enough when i was out late, so my parents are being parenting happy (mostly my mom) and she thinks she's discovering new techniques. It's sort of annoying at this point in my life. Oh well! It made me laugh, literally. Cause well, i woke up and rolled over thinking it was sort of bright out, "i wonder what time it is..." oops! It's 12:19pm and i was supposed to be at school by 11:00 am. So i had to envitably call myself in cause i knew i was already not on good terms with my mom. Well, i called myself in and noticed a little packet on the white board with my name on it. It was those little yellow notes that are lined. She wrote on those which was just not fun, 7 pages! lol, so i discover i'm grounded and i just committed the cardinal sin, calling myself in to school! lol, It gets better, so i'm not allowed on myspace, facebook, email, or the phone. Or out of the house. So i took the note, re-taped it, and put it back up on the whiteboard. Straightened my hair and left the house for the library because Jaison was home and awake, AND on the computer, so i couldn't check it one last time at home claiming innocence. So i snuck out and i'm doing everything here. Wow! Feels good to get off my chest. So i won't be on here again til wednesday...torture. I think i'll survive, that's why i laughed when i found out! lol So this is me being mischevious, calling myself into school, going "out" when i'm grounded, and going on the internet. lol. Technically calling my school was against the rules too...ok i'm done. hehe...
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Random Thoughts of the Evening...or Early Morning
I'm so fricking happy that this semester is inches away from over. French, well i never have to have that teacher again! THANK GOD!! Evil lady can take her political opinions and...well, anyways, um Freshman comp was fun. I liked it, despite my total hate for writing papers! Oddly...it was just really fun, and i get to have Diane (my prof.; she gets called that cause i respect her) for american lit!! I also will have world civs with madges, sarah, brooke, and possibly david and nicole! That class will rock my socks!! I'm super excited. I better have some cute guys in it though or i'm gonna die. I'm just going to be stuck, and it's going to suck...no rhyme intended...speaking of rhyming, i should do my poetry homework...gots to go!
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