Yesterday, I got a really awesome fortune cookie, that gave me a [stupid, irrelevant] boost that I really needed. It said "Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together as they do in you". Of course, I don't believe that's anywhere close to true, but it's nice to know the cookie gods thought that of me!
Some people take their sophomore effort a little too lightly. They act like now they've made it big, they just get to be a little more free...and they blow it. I also tend to have high expectations after a fabulous debut album! But is that unacceptable? Am I holding young artists to too high a standard? I think not. (on that note...)
So I'm back to what feels like square one: I don't know if I'm going to be finishing my degree at the U, or if I'll be finishing it any time soon at all! Talk about failing at my sophomore effort. I'm so frustrated. I don't often get ambitions for big things, but I have an ambition to get this degree and it has just been a roller coaster ride ever since high school! Now that I know what this is what I really want, it seems like it's impossible.
Contradictory to that (on a different note), there are times when you realize something's not worth it, and it's all wrong...then even though it's hard to swallow at first, it eventually pans out and you can laugh about it. Not sure I can laugh about it yet, but I know I will...when all the times I made a fool out of myself don't still make me want to die. Haha. Stupid stupid stupid woman...
That's both the fun and the frustration of life; the making a fool out of yourself and the not knowing where you're going. Both can be fun, and both can be frustrating. In my opinion, a large part of wisdom is figuring out how to handle both of those things with grace. Not that I think one can ever fully figure out...but, hey, I'm too young to know the rules.
("Love is Hard" by James Morrison = one of few songs I actually like so far on this album...I am disappointed J-M...disappointed)
I'm working on figuring things out, anyways.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Shout Out of Love
Today was an interesting today. It's been interesting lately, - I should say because I haven't blogged in a minute!
I love saying stupid things like that that make no sense.
Do you ever get words stuck in your head? Yesterday it was "counter-intuitive". Today it's "subterfuge"...What a great word! In my understanding it's like a fancy way of saying b.s.ing.
Ever done something so stupidly ignorant that you actually can't fathom that you did it? Yeah, I had one of those realizations today.
On a completely separate note, I have got some really really great friends right now. I mean, really. God is making up for some of the frankly sh***y friends I've had in the past. They are great, they are crazy, they're constantly cracking me up! They are wonderfully supportive and caring. I really really love them!
I haven't yet talked about how I recently hit my one year anniversary at Mercy!! (my church) I pretty much hadn't been going to church except holidays, for like a year and a half. Tried Mercy, loved it. Kept going...for about 3 months, then got involved. Met some of the people that have become the good friends above, and many many other absolutely fantastic people. The Pastor is great, the worship is great, the building is trendy...God has done so much in me there, I cannot wait to see what else He has in store!!
I don't even know where to go from there. I feel like that's the exclamation point of this note...so I think I'll leave it that way. Cheers to great, wonderful, caring people!
(Oh, P.s. I don't know what I'd do without my brother! He is such a great part of my life! Seriously, i can't even say this enough if i said it 22 times a day for the next year.)
I love saying stupid things like that that make no sense.
Do you ever get words stuck in your head? Yesterday it was "counter-intuitive". Today it's "subterfuge"...What a great word! In my understanding it's like a fancy way of saying b.s.ing.
Ever done something so stupidly ignorant that you actually can't fathom that you did it? Yeah, I had one of those realizations today.
On a completely separate note, I have got some really really great friends right now. I mean, really. God is making up for some of the frankly sh***y friends I've had in the past. They are great, they are crazy, they're constantly cracking me up! They are wonderfully supportive and caring. I really really love them!
I haven't yet talked about how I recently hit my one year anniversary at Mercy!! (my church) I pretty much hadn't been going to church except holidays, for like a year and a half. Tried Mercy, loved it. Kept going...for about 3 months, then got involved. Met some of the people that have become the good friends above, and many many other absolutely fantastic people. The Pastor is great, the worship is great, the building is trendy...God has done so much in me there, I cannot wait to see what else He has in store!!
I don't even know where to go from there. I feel like that's the exclamation point of this note...so I think I'll leave it that way. Cheers to great, wonderful, caring people!
(Oh, P.s. I don't know what I'd do without my brother! He is such a great part of my life! Seriously, i can't even say this enough if i said it 22 times a day for the next year.)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Open It
I don't know how to reconcile this,
When it's such a complicated mess,
My heart is tangled up in this web,
It was so long ago my love began to ebb and flow,
And I grew weary of being tossed side to side,
Now there are steps to be taken in stride,
But I don't even know how to begin,
How to salvage this brokenness we're in,
I can't be the only one to try,
While you criticize and pry at the very life of me,
When you don't even know all the things I can to be,
So tell me where does this begin,
Wading in a sea of hurt and sin,
How do I start to pick up the pieces,
When it seems the breaking never ceases,
And how far shall I come before I stop,
Because I feel my heart drop,
About to open it but,
It's not unlike reopening a cut,
Yet it's something I cannot avoid,
So despite all that's been destroyed,
I'll open it,
And face the grit,
Laced in sweetness,
That a bitterness also covers,
But it's probably better than the tension that hovers.
I'll open it.
When it's such a complicated mess,
My heart is tangled up in this web,
It was so long ago my love began to ebb and flow,
And I grew weary of being tossed side to side,
Now there are steps to be taken in stride,
But I don't even know how to begin,
How to salvage this brokenness we're in,
I can't be the only one to try,
While you criticize and pry at the very life of me,
When you don't even know all the things I can to be,
So tell me where does this begin,
Wading in a sea of hurt and sin,
How do I start to pick up the pieces,
When it seems the breaking never ceases,
And how far shall I come before I stop,
Because I feel my heart drop,
About to open it but,
It's not unlike reopening a cut,
Yet it's something I cannot avoid,
So despite all that's been destroyed,
I'll open it,
And face the grit,
Laced in sweetness,
That a bitterness also covers,
But it's probably better than the tension that hovers.
I'll open it.
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Same Heights
I can start,
But I can't finish,
My valid thoughts soon diminish,
All these interactions make for good distractions,
But I'm well aware when I'm lying,
Even if just to me,
Cause the better half that knows it,
Lets the other half just be,
Lets it relish in its bliss,
Waiting all the while to say,
"Oh what a mess is this!"
Too hard a fall,
I misread it all,
And now I'm left regretting,
Having made things so important,
Which now seem worth forgetting,
Never certain a lesson-learned,
Almost always a corner turned,
If only I wouldn't go in circles,
Perpetually seeing the same sights,
Never sure of another way,
I rise and fall from the same heights.
But I can't finish,
My valid thoughts soon diminish,
All these interactions make for good distractions,
But I'm well aware when I'm lying,
Even if just to me,
Cause the better half that knows it,
Lets the other half just be,
Lets it relish in its bliss,
Waiting all the while to say,
"Oh what a mess is this!"
Too hard a fall,
I misread it all,
And now I'm left regretting,
Having made things so important,
Which now seem worth forgetting,
Never certain a lesson-learned,
Almost always a corner turned,
If only I wouldn't go in circles,
Perpetually seeing the same sights,
Never sure of another way,
I rise and fall from the same heights.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Infatuation
I don't think I know how to do this,
I'm lost on what comes next,
When a charming smile's got me vexed,
Shining eyes like great surprise,
Hold my tongue,
Feel so damn young,
Like everything I've done is dumb,
Hate what I've come from,
The state of my heart unknown,
The only true fault is my own,
So I'll learn yet another way to patch up,
And maybe one day,
I'll catch up.
I'm lost on what comes next,
When a charming smile's got me vexed,
Shining eyes like great surprise,
Hold my tongue,
Feel so damn young,
Like everything I've done is dumb,
Hate what I've come from,
The state of my heart unknown,
The only true fault is my own,
So I'll learn yet another way to patch up,
And maybe one day,
I'll catch up.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Art-Haiku Assignment
Haiku is not my best form of poetry, though it'd be interesting to dabble in. We were assigned to write two haikus from this photograph.
Descriptive Haiku:
texaco station,
vast unnatural sea scape,
water risen up.
Interpretive Haiku:
Victory is lost,
Success is under water,
Residue on top.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
A Melange of Thoughts
Sometimes I am confident, sometimes I am not. I guess it depends on a lot of things: circumstance, context, mood, weather, etc. When it comes to doing anything at all in front of a group of 3 or more people, I am not usually confident. I recognize this as a problem I will have to handle and defeat to become a successful journalist.
Skipping my news reporting class because I am too embarrassed to show up late, so I'd rather not go at all...not exactly good progress in the direction of becoming more confident. Hmm...
I'm really into slow folksy music lately, as well as peppy synth-pop - I guess that's the best way to describe it. For instance, Will Fitzsimmons' cover of "Heartless" (Kanye West) is a constant play of mine. On the other end of my music latest addiction, "Oxford Comma" by Vampire Weekend. Not really a great song to get a feel for them with if you take offense to cuss words; in which case, I also have been playing "Walcott (Insane Mix)".
On another note of media, the list of best picture nominees is a mile long! I'm really surprised at some of them getting on that list too. A sign of the times I guess. I just didn't really get "Inglorious Basterds". I mean more, I guess, that it didn't jive well with me, but I guess it is the way of society to wait a while for the dust to settle before making an awkward bad joke out of a touchy situation. As for "District 9", all I can do here is say, really?! Wow.
Amongst things other than overplaying a song until it hurts for me to listen to, I am addicted to Craig's List missed connections. Except finding something good in them is like a needle in a haystack. I've found some really hilarious ones, and some really heartbreaking ones. Either way, they're pretty fun to sift through.
Well, off I go to my next class, I'll be on time to that one...only because I've been waiting around for over an hour. Sheeshh...I've gotta grow a pair, already.
Skipping my news reporting class because I am too embarrassed to show up late, so I'd rather not go at all...not exactly good progress in the direction of becoming more confident. Hmm...
I'm really into slow folksy music lately, as well as peppy synth-pop - I guess that's the best way to describe it. For instance, Will Fitzsimmons' cover of "Heartless" (Kanye West) is a constant play of mine. On the other end of my music latest addiction, "Oxford Comma" by Vampire Weekend. Not really a great song to get a feel for them with if you take offense to cuss words; in which case, I also have been playing "Walcott (Insane Mix)".
On another note of media, the list of best picture nominees is a mile long! I'm really surprised at some of them getting on that list too. A sign of the times I guess. I just didn't really get "Inglorious Basterds". I mean more, I guess, that it didn't jive well with me, but I guess it is the way of society to wait a while for the dust to settle before making an awkward bad joke out of a touchy situation. As for "District 9", all I can do here is say, really?! Wow.
Amongst things other than overplaying a song until it hurts for me to listen to, I am addicted to Craig's List missed connections. Except finding something good in them is like a needle in a haystack. I've found some really hilarious ones, and some really heartbreaking ones. Either way, they're pretty fun to sift through.
Well, off I go to my next class, I'll be on time to that one...only because I've been waiting around for over an hour. Sheeshh...I've gotta grow a pair, already.
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