Here are a few thoughts before I hit the hay so happily (i am WORN OUT!):
-I'm wondering why my brother is such a cutie-patootie, and I miss him a lot.
-I'm also wondering how I'm going to live through this semester, but I'm challenging myself to do so.
-I'm wondering why life has to taunt me with wonderful things, then kick my ass. Sorry, I can't be polite about it, not now.
-I'm wondering where I'm going to find a sweet place to live until december.
-I'm wondering if this cold-illness will still be here tomorrow (gee, i hope not)
-I'm wondering how I bounce back; the grace of God.
-I'm wondering when I'll get to hang out with my big sister!!!
-I'm wondering if I will ever make my first class on time again.
-I'm wondering what my life would've been like right now if I had gone through with Paris.
-I'm wondering why I haven't blogged in like a century!
-I'm wondering how awful my first paper of the semester was.
-I'm wondering where my check-card/credit card case is...ummm, yeah.
-I'm wondering what I'll do in the spring when my 2 besties are off exploring different parts of the world.
-I'm wondering what all the new albums are like that have come out and I cannot afford to buy.
-I'm wondering how much caffeine it would take to make me actually hyper (3 times today was enough to keep me awake)
-I'm wondering how I'm going to get a 3.0 this semester (since I didn't last time) and what I'm going to do if I don't.
-I'm wondering why I'm ranting instead of sleeping.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sunday, August 09, 2009
We're leaving pretty easy, eh?
What an awesome week and weekend this has been!! And the forecast has it ending beautifully, too: family birthday celebration! family & friends + cake + laughter = a happy Alicia.
The conferences both were good. I had such a blast at the Cause! (& easily drank a gallon of coffee, haha)
It's so crazy when you have God tell you so many things (through people who've never met you) that are so personal, that you do and don't want to tell other people. They're so spot on, that you're fascinated, and yet it's cool to just keep that for yourself.
There's not a whole lot that I ever feel the need to keep to myself. So that's saying something! Great weekend, but as I am EXTREMELY tired, and don't have much time before my next event, I'm off to nap! Cheers!
The conferences both were good. I had such a blast at the Cause! (& easily drank a gallon of coffee, haha)
It's so crazy when you have God tell you so many things (through people who've never met you) that are so personal, that you do and don't want to tell other people. They're so spot on, that you're fascinated, and yet it's cool to just keep that for yourself.
There's not a whole lot that I ever feel the need to keep to myself. So that's saying something! Great weekend, but as I am EXTREMELY tired, and don't have much time before my next event, I'm off to nap! Cheers!
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Life Only Gets Harder
One minute I'm ridin' the high,
Of the cancellation of another lie,
When I'm hit with the low,
As an ugly truth starts to show,
My heart goes back to breaking,
A momentary pause to this constant aching,
I never thought the world could taint me,
Now its worries often paint me,
They smother the joy that once bubbled over,
I guess I didn't notice it as I got older,
Life only gets harder,
Suffocating its ardor,
Making it difficult to breathe,
But I keep fighting,
And in laughter delighting,
Because the only way to keep sane,
Is for a hopeful spirit to sustain.
--Not that I like explaining my poems, as poems SHOULD speak for themselves, sometimes, I don't like to leave them up to interpretation: This is on the notion that life has its ups and downs. It's almost as if, right when you think everything has fallen into place and temporarily makes sense, something else goes wrong. It's kind of like a car. At any rate, to keep plowing through with a glad and hopeful heart that things will eventually work out for the better, is the only way to make sense out of life. So I guess it turns out to be my philosophy on life, haha. One of them.
Of the cancellation of another lie,
When I'm hit with the low,
As an ugly truth starts to show,
My heart goes back to breaking,
A momentary pause to this constant aching,
I never thought the world could taint me,
Now its worries often paint me,
They smother the joy that once bubbled over,
I guess I didn't notice it as I got older,
Life only gets harder,
Suffocating its ardor,
Making it difficult to breathe,
But I keep fighting,
And in laughter delighting,
Because the only way to keep sane,
Is for a hopeful spirit to sustain.
--Not that I like explaining my poems, as poems SHOULD speak for themselves, sometimes, I don't like to leave them up to interpretation: This is on the notion that life has its ups and downs. It's almost as if, right when you think everything has fallen into place and temporarily makes sense, something else goes wrong. It's kind of like a car. At any rate, to keep plowing through with a glad and hopeful heart that things will eventually work out for the better, is the only way to make sense out of life. So I guess it turns out to be my philosophy on life, haha. One of them.
Drifting
I can feel you pulling away,
I'm so tongue-tied,
I don't know what to say,
I wish I knew what I did,
To make you turn your back,
But really only slightly,
Each time a small attack,
I'm too scared to say anything,
Because I'm afraid to know,
So I've been holding my breath,
Hoping you'd let it go,
But we only keep drifting,
Farther and further apart,
Our friendship is shifting,
And it's breaking my heart,
I wish you wouldn't just walk away,
Dropping my hand like we never laughed,
And I can't understand,
And I'm feeling daft,
Just left in the dust,
Like a once beloved toy,
Left behind with her childhood,
When the girl likes the boy.
I'm so tongue-tied,
I don't know what to say,
I wish I knew what I did,
To make you turn your back,
But really only slightly,
Each time a small attack,
I'm too scared to say anything,
Because I'm afraid to know,
So I've been holding my breath,
Hoping you'd let it go,
But we only keep drifting,
Farther and further apart,
Our friendship is shifting,
And it's breaking my heart,
I wish you wouldn't just walk away,
Dropping my hand like we never laughed,
And I can't understand,
And I'm feeling daft,
Just left in the dust,
Like a once beloved toy,
Left behind with her childhood,
When the girl likes the boy.
Friday, July 31, 2009
I look at the world & notice it's turning...
I did not have the energy for the white board tonight. My nerves and emotions could not handle it tonight; today was a great day.
I'm currently sipping soy milk and eating chocolate covered soy nuts, listening to the Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps".
Silk, to be exact. I've been craving it for a couple weeks, but I've been trying to deplete my regular milk so that I have reason to buy some. I finally just gave in. Yummmm.
Chocolate covered soy nuts, I have to thank my grandma for showing me them. She's a health nut, and they are her "candy" so to speak. I'd agree, they are so yummy. Go check em out at Rainbow if you don't believe me.
I've heard it ("gently weeps"), but not for a long time until my boss, Jon and I were discussing music and he happened to have a compilation CD, so I put it on my iPod. I have to say it's my favorite song off that CD, though I couldn't really tell you why. I just love it. It's really not a quiet song, but it relaxes me. It's probably the rhythm of the music verses their singing.
I worked today, which was short but good as it always is. I fed one envelope every 35 seconds into a printer for a couple minutes, not to mention I got one of my boss' famously wonderful choco-chip cookies, fresh! Then I got off early, and...
I went to Oake on the Water, hosted by the Cities97 D.J. Brian Oake. The guest was A Fine Frenzy, which I loooove! So I was pretty stoked to go. I went up to meet her after, and got a picture!! So cool.
Then I came home, chilled out a bit. Went to have coffee with Carrie at my favorite Dunn Bros, and who is there, but my favorite D.J. Brian Oake!! Just ask carrie, I was like way to happy. Haha, but I didn't go talk to him, cause I kinda felt weird about it. I felt like either he wouldn't want extra attention drawn to him after a day full of it, or I'd say something dumb like "I think you're my music soulmate!"...so I just thought it was waaayyy too cool that Brian Oake got coffee at my favorite Mpls hang out!
Then Carrie and I went for a walk, on this beautiful night. And hung out and talked. Now I'm eating choco-covered soy nuts. Can't complain about today!
I'm currently sipping soy milk and eating chocolate covered soy nuts, listening to the Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps".
Silk, to be exact. I've been craving it for a couple weeks, but I've been trying to deplete my regular milk so that I have reason to buy some. I finally just gave in. Yummmm.
Chocolate covered soy nuts, I have to thank my grandma for showing me them. She's a health nut, and they are her "candy" so to speak. I'd agree, they are so yummy. Go check em out at Rainbow if you don't believe me.
I've heard it ("gently weeps"), but not for a long time until my boss, Jon and I were discussing music and he happened to have a compilation CD, so I put it on my iPod. I have to say it's my favorite song off that CD, though I couldn't really tell you why. I just love it. It's really not a quiet song, but it relaxes me. It's probably the rhythm of the music verses their singing.
I worked today, which was short but good as it always is. I fed one envelope every 35 seconds into a printer for a couple minutes, not to mention I got one of my boss' famously wonderful choco-chip cookies, fresh! Then I got off early, and...
I went to Oake on the Water, hosted by the Cities97 D.J. Brian Oake. The guest was A Fine Frenzy, which I loooove! So I was pretty stoked to go. I went up to meet her after, and got a picture!! So cool.
Then I came home, chilled out a bit. Went to have coffee with Carrie at my favorite Dunn Bros, and who is there, but my favorite D.J. Brian Oake!! Just ask carrie, I was like way to happy. Haha, but I didn't go talk to him, cause I kinda felt weird about it. I felt like either he wouldn't want extra attention drawn to him after a day full of it, or I'd say something dumb like "I think you're my music soulmate!"...so I just thought it was waaayyy too cool that Brian Oake got coffee at my favorite Mpls hang out!
Then Carrie and I went for a walk, on this beautiful night. And hung out and talked. Now I'm eating choco-covered soy nuts. Can't complain about today!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Airing My Brain Before Bed
I now better understand the term "sour grape(s)"...
Today made it seem like possibly the rest of the week could be better than last week. I think not knowing what a lot of things will be in a little over a month, is stressing me out. I've felt really stressed for a while, but I don't have a ton to be stressed about. I think it mostly comes down to 2 things: a place to live/roommates, and money to pay for the place to live.
Not only is apartment searching pretty much one of my least favorite things to do, but it's slim pickings. Then there's the money aspect, if I could afford to, I'd move out right now. I practically waste this apartment anyways, I'm gone so much.
Ughhh, there I go again. I'm letting myself worry TOO much, which does nothing but make me miserable...and complain. Haha, my poor mother. I've been thinking about this since late May. And wasting my nerves.
I just need to find a way to chill, and be at peace. The stuff always works out in the end, and I won't be completely miserable if I have to move home for a semester.
Today made it seem like possibly the rest of the week could be better than last week. I think not knowing what a lot of things will be in a little over a month, is stressing me out. I've felt really stressed for a while, but I don't have a ton to be stressed about. I think it mostly comes down to 2 things: a place to live/roommates, and money to pay for the place to live.
Not only is apartment searching pretty much one of my least favorite things to do, but it's slim pickings. Then there's the money aspect, if I could afford to, I'd move out right now. I practically waste this apartment anyways, I'm gone so much.
Ughhh, there I go again. I'm letting myself worry TOO much, which does nothing but make me miserable...and complain. Haha, my poor mother. I've been thinking about this since late May. And wasting my nerves.
I just need to find a way to chill, and be at peace. The stuff always works out in the end, and I won't be completely miserable if I have to move home for a semester.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Argument
Don't you trivialize my feelings,
When we're standing under fractured ceilings,
I don't claim to know what everything means,
But I know what it means to me,
And that's okay if you don't want to be,
Someone who takes things personally,
But I'd rather be the way I am,
Than live life and not give a damn,
Cause if I was numb to everything,
Life wouldn't be worth living,
And if I could choose when I'd hurt,
Of course! I'd learn to divert,
The crumbling of my ethereal heart,
And every piece of this world,
From falling apart,
In your presence,
But if I could,
Don't you think,
I would've thought,
Of that by now?
I am supposed to leave all the jagged pieces,
And never tell a soul,
Because if I leave them untouched long enough,
They'll again become a whole,
A hardened, thickened version,
Of my very core,
Prepared for the jabs of this world,
While still always sore,
Surely I see the logic in this,
The soft hearted are but weak ones,
Always trampled underfoot,
They should cauterize each wound,
And leave it,
A heart covered in soot!
For having a soft heart,
Is useless, but a target on this earth,
Because everyone will throw a dart,
Because no one sees its worth.
When we're standing under fractured ceilings,
I don't claim to know what everything means,
But I know what it means to me,
And that's okay if you don't want to be,
Someone who takes things personally,
But I'd rather be the way I am,
Than live life and not give a damn,
Cause if I was numb to everything,
Life wouldn't be worth living,
And if I could choose when I'd hurt,
Of course! I'd learn to divert,
The crumbling of my ethereal heart,
And every piece of this world,
From falling apart,
In your presence,
But if I could,
Don't you think,
I would've thought,
Of that by now?
I am supposed to leave all the jagged pieces,
And never tell a soul,
Because if I leave them untouched long enough,
They'll again become a whole,
A hardened, thickened version,
Of my very core,
Prepared for the jabs of this world,
While still always sore,
Surely I see the logic in this,
The soft hearted are but weak ones,
Always trampled underfoot,
They should cauterize each wound,
And leave it,
A heart covered in soot!
For having a soft heart,
Is useless, but a target on this earth,
Because everyone will throw a dart,
Because no one sees its worth.
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