**Disclaimer: This piece was written pre-deconstruction of religious beliefs and faith system. Many of these beliefs inform the sentiments of the writing and are not in alignment with my values. As this is a part of my journey and an extensive blog over years, I have chosen not to remove a majority of my posts written on faith. Please as a reader, take this into consideration and take what works for you, leave what does not. I also apologize for any harm my words from this past perspective may cause to any readers.**
"I think the Kingdom is more about poetry and life than it is definitions and boundaries." – Sarah Bessey, Out of Sorts
I've turned into so much more of a hippie than I ever could've imagined. I'd always sort of thought of myself as a free spirit, I don't brush my hair very often, and I've never tried pot because I don't need a substance to make my mind go to weird places. But on a fundamental level, I recognize a lot of beliefs I hold now that I used to judge others for having.
I'm always fascinated by the ways we evolve and change. And I would go so far as to say if we're unwilling to examine why we believe what we do, and possibly even abandon some perspectives for new ones, we're missing out on life to the fullest. We are learning beings. We aren't meant to be stagnant. I know a big part of why I've felt such a struggle for a long time is that I've felt stagnant. I haven't known how to change it, how to push myself forward.
My faith is the lens through which I view the world, and it has adapted vastly over the years. It has become something I didn't think it would, but I'm so much more comfortable with it being what it is, than what it was. Growing up I had pretty defined ideas about right and wrong, good and bad, left and right. As I began to encounter other schools of thought, other perspectives, I found things that made more sense than my previous doctrine. And ideas that fit with my experiences of God; happenings over years and years that I can't do justice to explain. Over time, I've come to settle firmly on the belief that God is love. That is the primary thing anyone should ever know about Him, and the thing that when nothing else makes sense, that still does.
So when lately I've been struggling to make sense out of the lens through which I view the world, one of the few things that gives me peace is knowing that I've transformed to arrive here. I sorted through so much unknown and I've sorted through so much pain before, I'm likely on course to discovering more depth, more answers, more freedom, and, Lord willing, more love.
