Have you ever asked yourself: what do I live for? Not some morbid question of why am I alive, or even asking The Point - just: what do I live for? What gets your gears turning? What can you pour into yet walk away filled-up? What do you dream about? What do you long to grow in? What fascinates you?
So often we sell ourselves short thinking we don't deserve to do what we love. Whether it's because we deem it irresponsible, or because there's something seemingly more important to do...or several things more important to do. I myself am guilty of this; I sit down for a Writing Day - as I've affectionately and cleverly dubbed them - and do everything but.
See, for a lovely season, I would take my only untouchable hours of the week (my Saturday morning and afternoon) to just write. Whether it be blogging or journaling, or - in rare shining moments - working on a story. It's my introvert activity; when I don't want to be social but I want to be active, I go to write. I'm an ideas person, but not in the entrepreneurial way. Concepts. I'm also a verbal processor. I like stories. I love written communication; it's this complex tool, yet sort of like a Rubik's cube but with multiple solutions. In recent months, this sacred Saturday morning tradition has fallen by the wayside.
I get there, and it seems there are plenty of better things to do...yet when I wrangle myself into doing it, it's exactly what I need. I've had a few conversations here and there about writing. I've had some with folks who are doing what they love and have a passion for, about the leap it takes to prioritize it. These conversations have been encouraging and for lack of a better word, convicting. They help subdue the commit-aphob in me that says I should probably try to learn how to be [a million times] more responsible before I aim to be more creative or invest time and money into learning more about relationships. These conversations silence the voice of insecurity that doesn't even want to try because I'm still learning.
The thing is that when I write, when I problem-solve in relationships, or when I photograph - whatever it may be, if it's life-giving the responsibility falls in line. When I give myself time to do the things I love, I find I have more space and less anxiety when it comes to doing the things I have to do that I have less or no excitement for. And when I'm in the habit of doing these things I love, I'm consistently better at them.
I have spent the last few months bartering my time for low-stress activities, and yet have been neglecting some of the things I really love. In that, I have concluded there is no easier way to come to a stand-still in growth and progress toward your goals than to put the things you love on the back-burner. There's a trendy phrase that my generation and millennials love and I detest, but in spite of my distaste for it, it makes a good point: "If not now, when? If not me, who?" I tend to think of it as inspirational fluff, but a part of me admits here that therein lies a truth. At some point, if we truly want to achieve the things we aspire to, we have to grasp the courage to begin. And beginning requires even the tiniest action...followed by another, and exponentially more. The remaining pieces will fall in line.
[Spoken like a true optimistic idealist.]
