Sometimes I feel like the overarching lesson in my life is one on Friendship. If there is one concept that I can consistently remember throughout my life, even from a young age it's the friendships I've had; all of them inevitably shaping the person I am today. Almost every friendship that I've really cherished, has also greatly challenged me. It's where I've learned the bulk of the things I have about [platonic] relationships, and also where I've developed probably all of my remaining unhealthy coping mechanisms. Friendships have built me and broken me. They have shown me what I'm capable of, and what I value in others.
All of my best friends have been starkly different people. Even if one reminds me of another, they're still so different I have trouble calling them similar. I've gone through a lot of friends. I used to think there was something particularly wrong with me; that no one else had this experience. And granted, no one is perfect in relationship - which is something I've learned from the end of some relationships that didn't need to end. From ones that I could've worked harder on; I could've given a little more.
I used to get offended, when I liked someone they liked me; we got along, but then they slowly drifted out of my life. And the way our society is these days, social media can help you feel connected to people who you're not in the least! I see a post by them on something or another, and I get nostalgic (as I do with anything I can, every chance that I get). And I get sad. Because for as much as I have in the past been good at burying a toxic friendship six-feet-under, I'm loyal and sentimental; I have a hard time letting go.
So often I find myself, wondering what went wrong (which is probably a result of having had actual relationship failures, I begin to think everything falls apart on account of me). But I had this sort of realization, and it's something else I've been slowly learning over the years: everything for a season. It's actually biblical, from a sort of black sheep chapter of the bible, Ecclesiastes. It not only has the popularly quoted passage "A time to love, and a time to weep...", but it also talks about how meaningless everything in life is. I love the harshness with which Ecclesiastes delivers such a message, because it's truth. It's a truth we so often forget. All the things on which we focus our energy and time, are meaningless. Toil. Wealth. Pleasure. Wisdom.
The reality of friendship, and relationship in general, is that some things are for a season. Some people you may not form a lasting bond with, the kind where you both care enough to work through the issues to hold fast to the good that you are blessed to have, and not to be cliche, but: that is life. Part of it is learning how to spot the relationships that will work to fight for. Not that a person is ever unworthy of fighting for, but I think sometimes a relationship is just for a time. This theory that has taken and will continue to take me a long time to come to grips with.
It also frees you up; frees you from guilting yourself, thinking, what could I have done better? or if only I could go back...The reality is you can't go back. You can only learn, move forward. Only questioning what you would do if you could go back, isn't growing. Growing is going forth, challenging yourself by your past, to be different in the times ahead.
Growth is a process. I still constantly fail to challenge myself to learn from the mistakes that I've made and the relationships that have come and gone, but I hope I never stop trying. I hope someday I'll learn to internalize the theory of all things for a season. And if everything for a season, and everything is meaningless, then certain to be seasons of meaningless friendship.
