It feels really bad-ass thinking about getting the first tattoo. Then, reluctantly make the appointment, a day in advance, leaving extra time to think it over. But there's been enough thinking time; people have babies without pain meds, get teeth removed without novocaine, this is no big deal. The permanency doesn't even alarm. Suddenly, it's happening. And it's nothing, it's not nearly as bad as you'd think. And then it's done. There they are, beautiful, fresh, stark, and black.
I was more scared of the needle; more scared of the pain, than my body being permanently marked. I had no hesitations about that. And some might say that's just the way I feel now, because they're new and I do feel like I conquered something. But I love them. I know what they mean to me and how much they mean to me, and I love them.
To me the decisions to get my tattoos and where to get them weren't that difficult of decisions at all, though I gave it proper, responsible thought. I think I've had a harder time picking what to order at a restaurant. I think the reality of them has only really sunk-in in this second week, conveniently the week of Christmas. I was nervous at first that maybe I would begin to regret them, but I didn't. I own them; they're beginning to feel familiar as opposed to foreign.
Tonight I went to a very simple service at my church, and I absolutely loved it. I've always loved Christmas, but each year it gains more meaning for me. This year, despite Mercy's first ever Christmas Eve service being extremely simple, I was moved. This means something to me! This isn't just a part of a lifestyle anymore - as it was to me growing up. I believe in Jesus, and a loving and gracious God, and the world's need and hunger for both.
That's the reason I could get a cross tattooed on my wrist: it is very real to me, very important to me. I try not to force feed my beliefs or views to anyone, but I think there's something powerful and beautiful - something to be said about choosing to be marked in such a way regarding faith in Christ. It's there (along with the script on my other wrist) because I know a hope and joy that I cannot deny. And I want to never forget that.
