I walk up to the counter, and suddenly that little, semi-psychotic nervousness kicks in - I have to order coffee! And every time it's an awkward experience of me stumbling over my words, talking too quietly, and almost always annoying or confusing the barista. I guess it's a normal coffee ordering experience for anyone else, but when you're a barista ordering coffee is scary.
It's like I forget everything I know, and I forget what it's like to be on the other side of the counter. I forget how to speak to my own kind. The thing is, I usually find baristas to be elitest aholes who are seemingly unimpressed that I don't want room for cream; I am always impressed. They look at me like neither one of us have souls, and also like I just told them their grandma died...the emotional reaction of which, is on their face despite the lack of a soul.
The sad thing is I inevitably tell them, after making a whole painfully awkward situation, that I'm a barista too. This doesn't impress them anymore than the fact that I prefer my coffee black (except if it's too hot, then I add some milk. But not half & half, that crap's schnast). They stare at me just long enough to make it known they are staring and unimpressed, before going to make my coffee. Probably wrong too. I don't want to drink burnt espresso anymore than the next person, but I've already stepped on their toes too much by correcting the price they attempted to over-charge me.
Then I get to my table, set up and realize I need the wifi code. So I reluctantly go back into the barista-villan's presence to plea for the simple stupid word of the day. Finally, I can retreat and relax knowing it's over.
Ordering coffee is scary.
