Why am I in this random moment of discouragement? What is this? I just keep stupidly expecting people to be better at life than they are. And for that matter, - though in a different variation - that I am better at life than I am.
Maybe I've been being too independent from God. Setting my heart on things that maybe aren't what he has for me. It's a little scary sometimes to leave it up to someone who won't tell you what they're doing. Though I guess that's exactly where I find myself, though not with God but with people.
I just want to know what's going on. And I lean into my perceptions too much at times, which just ends up getting me hurt. And that stinks the big one. I've done it before. I've put myself somewhere, thinking it's where I belong, then only when I fall on my face do I realize that I set myself up to get my feelings hurt.
At the same time as the idea of becoming jaded into thinking that everyone sucks, that disappoints me more than anything combined.
So it's cyclical; I will go about life getting myself hurt by people, let down, and I will just keep hoping I meet another person that's different. Another person who aims their best not to self-serve, not to put down others and discourage them, not to take in hearts but take no care. As naive as it feels every time someone hurts me, I'll go on living this way. Because the other way doesn't interest me.
