My life is so not what I thought it would be three years ago, when I was stupid and 17. I haven't photographed in probably a month (though I'm more inspired to with fall). I try to follow AP style when I'm blogging. I STILL haven't finished college. I'm living at home. My car is ugly. My friends are morphing and coming and going even quicker than they did in high school.
So much is not at all what I expected, or wanted for that matter. But a lot of that is okay. There are things I wanted for myself when I was 16 or 17, that I now know are better for me not to have had.
Now my path is forking, and taking a longer, more scenic route, though maybe the road not as smooth...okay, enough pathway metaphor. The point being, I never thought I'd take time off school, or that I'd do bad. Let's just be real about this, the journalism program and I did not get along.
In one year's time, I've lived in 4 different places. I have moved that many times. Yuck.
That's something I've realized in the short two weeks that it's been I've been at home again: this is a season of dying to myself. A season of struggle. Granted, I'm two weeks in, so I can't say that for sure, but this is the feeling I have for it. Almost prophetically, that I will struggle with a lot of things, deciding to let them go.
I already miss living in minneapolis, it's my home now. I feel so far away from everything. So secluded. SPACE! I hold up in my room because I swear I was becoming an introvert. And now it seems like my dad is popping into whatever room I'm in, turning on a light or tv or radio and leaving - for atmosphere. I feel like my bedroom is a hotel, it's too fancy, and there's not enough room for my crap.
Polar opposite from the last season I was in, Affirmation. That was a great season.
On the upside, I feel like it's a time to rebuild, to de-stress (in some areas of my life), and to develop. Kind of like it's a season for me. I know I'm going to learn a lot, what about? No clue. I just have a sense that this is going to be really different.
I hope there's some good in it. I definitely feel the good too.
