Ummm, Wow.

Is it weird that this dunn brothers panini is fantastic? Roasted Turkey. It tastes like thanksgiving draped in cheese and stuffed between 2 slices of bread. Almost worth the too high price I paid. Maybe it's just that I was really hungry.

Where did this week go? It seriously FLEW by. Probably ironically because on Monday I really thought it was friday. I was planning my weekend out, trying to decide what I'd do with my friday night...then i realized it was monday. And I had to work the next day.

*BAM*it's friday. And soon, *BAM* it will be monday again. It's always one or the other.

My brain stopped. I ate a panini, and it stopped. Apparently hunger was driving this rant.

Well. Um, I don't really know where to go from here. Watching the office. Happy Weekend, Erreeebody!

Only Tears Come to Mind

I have so much to say,
But yet the words to find,
Cause when I think of you,
Only tears come to mind,

I've been stretching myself too thin,
As of late,
And as a result,
Is this state I'm in:

Trying to untie all these knots,
Crying til red blood spots,
The counter top,
Even then I can't stop,
Feeling it so harshly,
As life digs in deeper,
Clinging weakly to my Keeper,
Wondering when to stop,
When to let this fragile heart drop,
Because I can't hold it up anymore,
It gets heavier with each war,

I can't go on tomorrow,
Like it didn't happen today,
I've not much room for persuasion,
There's not much YOU could say,

I patch up my own wounds,
Which will inevitably be marred again,
I try my best to shield myself,
But I know I'll be scarred again,

What is there to learn?
Nothing but my heart to yearn,
For peace and propriety,
In exchange for this anxiety.

Things I'm Wondering About

Here are a few thoughts before I hit the hay so happily (i am WORN OUT!):

-I'm wondering why my brother is such a cutie-patootie, and I miss him a lot.
-I'm also wondering how I'm going to live through this semester, but I'm challenging myself to do so.
-I'm wondering why life has to taunt me with wonderful things, then kick my ass. Sorry, I can't be polite about it, not now.
-I'm wondering where I'm going to find a sweet place to live until december.
-I'm wondering if this cold-illness will still be here tomorrow (gee, i hope not)
-I'm wondering how I bounce back; the grace of God.
-I'm wondering when I'll get to hang out with my big sister!!!
-I'm wondering if I will ever make my first class on time again.
-I'm wondering what my life would've been like right now if I had gone through with Paris.
-I'm wondering why I haven't blogged in like a century!
-I'm wondering how awful my first paper of the semester was.
-I'm wondering where my check-card/credit card case is...ummm, yeah.
-I'm wondering what I'll do in the spring when my 2 besties are off exploring different parts of the world.
-I'm wondering what all the new albums are like that have come out and I cannot afford to buy.
-I'm wondering how much caffeine it would take to make me actually hyper (3 times today was enough to keep me awake)
-I'm wondering how I'm going to get a 3.0 this semester (since I didn't last time) and what I'm going to do if I don't.
-I'm wondering why I'm ranting instead of sleeping.

We're leaving pretty easy, eh?

What an awesome week and weekend this has been!! And the forecast has it ending beautifully, too: family birthday celebration! family & friends + cake + laughter = a happy Alicia.

The conferences both were good. I had such a blast at the Cause! (& easily drank a gallon of coffee, haha)

It's so crazy when you have God tell you so many things (through people who've never met you) that are so personal, that you do and don't want to tell other people. They're so spot on, that you're fascinated, and yet it's cool to just keep that for yourself.

There's not a whole lot that I ever feel the need to keep to myself. So that's saying something! Great weekend, but as I am EXTREMELY tired, and don't have much time before my next event, I'm off to nap! Cheers!

Life Only Gets Harder

One minute I'm ridin' the high,
Of the cancellation of another lie,
When I'm hit with the low,
As an ugly truth starts to show,
My heart goes back to breaking,
A momentary pause to this constant aching,
I never thought the world could taint me,
Now its worries often paint me,
They smother the joy that once bubbled over,
I guess I didn't notice it as I got older,
Life only gets harder,
Suffocating its ardor,
Making it difficult to breathe,
But I keep fighting,
And in laughter delighting,
Because the only way to keep sane,
Is for a hopeful spirit to sustain.

--Not that I like explaining my poems, as poems SHOULD speak for themselves, sometimes, I don't like to leave them up to interpretation: This is on the notion that life has its ups and downs. It's almost as if, right when you think everything has fallen into place and temporarily makes sense, something else goes wrong. It's kind of like a car. At any rate, to keep plowing through with a glad and hopeful heart that things will eventually work out for the better, is the only way to make sense out of life. So I guess it turns out to be my philosophy on life, haha. One of them.

Drifting

I can feel you pulling away,
I'm so tongue-tied,
I don't know what to say,
I wish I knew what I did,
To make you turn your back,
But really only slightly,
Each time a small attack,
I'm too scared to say anything,
Because I'm afraid to know,
So I've been holding my breath,
Hoping you'd let it go,
But we only keep drifting,
Farther and further apart,
Our friendship is shifting,
And it's breaking my heart,
I wish you wouldn't just walk away,
Dropping my hand like we never laughed,
And I can't understand,
And I'm feeling daft,
Just left in the dust,
Like a once beloved toy,
Left behind with her childhood,
When the girl likes the boy.

I look at the world & notice it's turning...

I did not have the energy for the white board tonight. My nerves and emotions could not handle it tonight; today was a great day.

I'm currently sipping soy milk and eating chocolate covered soy nuts, listening to the Beatles' "While My Guitar Gently Weeps".

Silk, to be exact. I've been craving it for a couple weeks, but I've been trying to deplete my regular milk so that I have reason to buy some. I finally just gave in. Yummmm.

Chocolate covered soy nuts, I have to thank my grandma for showing me them. She's a health nut, and they are her "candy" so to speak. I'd agree, they are so yummy. Go check em out at Rainbow if you don't believe me.

I've heard it ("gently weeps"), but not for a long time until my boss, Jon and I were discussing music and he happened to have a compilation CD, so I put it on my iPod. I have to say it's my favorite song off that CD, though I couldn't really tell you why. I just love it. It's really not a quiet song, but it relaxes me. It's probably the rhythm of the music verses their singing.

I worked today, which was short but good as it always is. I fed one envelope every 35 seconds into a printer for a couple minutes, not to mention I got one of my boss' famously wonderful choco-chip cookies, fresh! Then I got off early, and...

I went to Oake on the Water, hosted by the Cities97 D.J. Brian Oake. The guest was A Fine Frenzy, which I loooove! So I was pretty stoked to go. I went up to meet her after, and got a picture!! So cool.

Then I came home, chilled out a bit. Went to have coffee with Carrie at my favorite Dunn Bros, and who is there, but my favorite D.J. Brian Oake!! Just ask carrie, I was like way to happy. Haha, but I didn't go talk to him, cause I kinda felt weird about it. I felt like either he wouldn't want extra attention drawn to him after a day full of it, or I'd say something dumb like "I think you're my music soulmate!"...so I just thought it was waaayyy too cool that Brian Oake got coffee at my favorite Mpls hang out!

Then Carrie and I went for a walk, on this beautiful night. And hung out and talked. Now I'm eating choco-covered soy nuts. Can't complain about today!