I am understanding; I am trying to understand. And what does it matter anyways? In all reality life goes on. I guess that's part of what makes it difficult, is that life goes on. I just don't like waiting, and I want what I want, yet I don't even always know what that is. What I want is constantly changing. Right now, who I am is changing, thankfully in ways that aren't negative. I thought that over the last year and a half, two years I've been learning patience, but all I've discovered now is I'm still too impatient. Well, this might not classify as impatience, but rather eagerness. Sometimes I get too distracted worrying about what life will be, as opposed to taking it as it comes.
Sometimes I think that maybe I'm a little more of a know-it-all that I realize. It's not that I have to always be right, but that I think I have a better grasp on things than I do. Which doesn't often harm me all that much, and it still hasn't. Just in a way that I wasn't expecting...because I thought I knew, even when I was second-guessing myself. I've been listening to this song this week, "everything" (not the michael buble one, but i like that too...). It says "God in my waiting,...be my everything", and I just realized I can't even dwell on this (although I know I will anyways) because God is sufficient, and so what if I was wrong?
I think to myself, "but what can God do about the fact that I'm stupid?", I really thought there's nothing. Then I have to remind myself, that no one is ever exempt from stupidity; I'm human. I'm going to make choices that I'll later regret, and I'm going to do things I'm not proud of. It's just being imperfect, which in the eyes of the One who loves me, doesn't matter.
