I figured out where i got my tendency to repeat the same long story a million times. My parents are really annoying me right now, mostly my dad. Can't even bring up my dreams and ambitions, cause for some reason it won't be a good idea. Visitng New York City is dangerous, i shouldn't do it by myself with a friend. Living there, not such a great idea. Is there anywhere else i'd like to visit instead?
UGH! I don't like to sit by the fire on friday & saturday nights anymore cause my dad just talks about himself. Then when i try to tell him about what i hope to do in my life, i'm automatically wrong. Thanks for being supportive of my goals.
I just really want to go places. I want to travel and experience the world. I want to live in New York, i want to live in Paris, and i want to visit (temporarily live) in Ireland. I want to see a lot of different cities and countries. I want to do things like that, but part of me is scared of going it alone. And no one will ever go with me. I am getting the feeling that i'm supposed to try to do these things on my own. That's why i am trying to find a school to study abroad with in Paris next year. I need some far, far away time. Far, far away from everything i've known my whole life, and being tossed into a place with another language, where i'm challenged in a way that i can't avoid. You can't avoid a language barrier. I want to chase that challenge. There aren't many challenges that i want to chase, and yet no one seems to encourage me.
I feel like for as much talking as i do a lot, people don't seem to encourage me. I was talking with a friend today about encouraging your friends to chase their dreams, unless of course, the dreams are completely unattainable. Then you knock some sense into them. But i feel like the lack of anyone saying, "yeah alicia you should do that!" makes me want to do it even more. I want to make it happen because it seems like when i talk about it, everyone thinks i won't. But i will, i just need to find the resources! A school to take me, and the loans to pile the money onto.
UGH, my parents want to continue to demolish and rebuild their house. THe money that goes into this damn house is so much that it could pay for me to go to MCAD, i swear. It's completely absurd, i just wish they would get over it like everybody else in the world. A house is a shelter, it doesn't need to be perfected. If it does, why not just buy a different house. Don't decide to remodel the hell out of it. It's just annoying.
I've been getting searingly painful migraines so i think i'll go to sleep now. A nice 12 hours will do me some good...zzzzZZZZ
